“X number of reasons why people dislike you.”
There’s so many listicles covering this topic.
What I’ve noticed, though, is that most of them put all of the focus on the ones being
disliked… like what they’re doing wrong.
I won’t be doing the same thing here.
In this video, I’ll be going the other way and shifting the focus more on the haters.
Hi! My name is Daniel and I love talking about important life lessons.
If you’re interested in that as well, don’t forget to subscribe to our channel.
So how’s it even an important life lesson to understand why people dislike you?
Well, if you're on the receiving end of a lot of disapproval from everyone around you,
that can really mess with the way you view yourself.
You might even feel pressured to change yourself.
But who’s to say you’re even the real problem?
That’s why it’s important to not only develop a solid identity for yourself but
also understand where others are coming from.
And so with that, let’s jump right into the top nine reasons.
Number one, people will dislike you if you mess up on your performance as a human being.
That’s right…
most of the world expects you, me, all of us to perform as a human should perform.
The thing is… we’re all quite divided on what that's supposed to look like.
And that’s because the world is made up of different individuals all with their own
unique set of values.
But even with all of these differences, most people do agree on some of the major stuff…
like "do work hard" and "don't kill."
If you mess up in these major areas, you’re more likely to be disliked by a greater number
of people.
And, unfortunately, it doesn’t matter if it’s from your distant past and no longer
part of your present, it doesn’t matter if you were going through a tough time in
your life, and it doesn’t matter that there’s so much more to you beyond how you’ve messed
up.
The world will still dislike, reject, and hate you for it.
And it does this because of three reasons.
First reason, most of the world can’t help but jump to conclusions.
We're not omniscient beings.
And so we don't see the whole picture.
We only see a tiny glimpse into someone else's life.
And with that snapshot, many people just run with it and fill in the rest of the gaps.
Second reason, most don’t believe that we, as humans, possess intrinsic value… that
we have value just the way we are, regardless of our performance.
And the third reason is that most don’t believe in the existence of an astronomically
greater being.
Consequently, most of the world can’t help but make such a big deal out of performance.
It’s pretty much the only measuring stick they have.
And after sizing you up with this measuring stick, or more like reducing you down, many
people feel justified to dislike, reject, and hate you.
If you want to know more about what I think of all of this, make sure to check out my
video titled, “How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others.”
Number two, people will dislike you if you are different.
And that thing that makes you different might be something you have no control over… like…
the color of your skin.
But, it could also be how differently you choose to live your life and how differently
you think.
And there really might not be anything wrong with the way that you’re different.
But you know who’s not going to see it that way?
Those whose experience is limited to the familiar, those who fear the unknown, and those who
have little tolerance for changes in the environment that they’ve already grown accustomed to.
These guys make up a huge part of the world.
But, you know what?
If we’re truly being honest with ourselves, we’re all a little bit like this because
of our human nature.
By nature, we’re an anxious and fearful bunch.
It’s just that some, more than others, have nurtured a more avoidant and antagonistic
approach to the unfamiliar and different.
And the problem that they see is no different from the problem perceived in number one.
To them, it looks like a deviation from how things should be.
And after using the same old measuring stick to determine how far off you are, many people
feel justified to dislike, reject, and hate you… which is the treatment I’ve gotten
all throughout my life for being the very different person that I am.
Moving onto number three, people will dislike you if you look like you’re part of a group
they don’t like.
How does an entire group even get disliked in the first place?
It’s usually through number one and two, even if those were committed by individuals.
You see, instead of looking at you as a unique individual, it’s mentally easier for people
to assume you’re just like the rest of the group.
And so a lot of people will judge you by the same negative beliefs that they already have
about that group.
As a family who openly talks about our Christian faith, we get a fair share of hostility from
people who dislike Christians.
And I'm sure it's only a matter of time before haters of family vloggers come after us too.
Now, the rest of this list and everything else could technically fit under number one,
two, and three, but I thought it might be helpful to discuss some on their own.
Ok, so one of the most common worldviews that people have is that life is a race.
Relating this back to number one, the performance that people expect under this worldview is
getting ahead in this race.
And so number four, people will dislike you if you appear to be winning in this race.
Maybe you’re making a lot of money, maybe you’re a person of virtue who appears to
be quite morally ahead.
Whatever it is that you’re doing well, even if you’re not doing it to “win,” you’re
going to look like you’re winning in someone’s race.
That can make a lot of other racers feel like they’re behind.
A lot of these racers also look at the world through the lens of scarcity.
So your position in the race creates one less favorable position for them.
All of this doesn't make them feel good.
So, many people will dislike you for it.
On the opposite end, there's number five, people will dislike you if you appear to be
losing in this race.
It doesn't matter if you’re temporarily in a challenging season in your life, it doesn't
matter if you’re much farther ahead compared to where you once used to be.
Whatever the situation is, you’re a loser in someone’s race.
You’ll just have a greater number of people thinking you’re a loser the more areas in
life you appear to be behind in.
And after reducing your value as a person based on your unfavorable position in the
race, many people feel justified to dislike, reject, and hate you.
Another thing that can create even more dislike against you is if there are systems out there
to help you out… systems that are publicly funded, whether people like it or not.
Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t have these.
I’m just saying that there’s a bunch of people who are unhappy about having to support
what they don’t want to support.
Yeah, a lot of these guys just look at it as pulling the weight of all the slackers.
And you might not even take advantage of these systems.
But by simply resembling the losing population, you become the face of these systems that
people do not like.
Number six, people will dislike you if you appear to be in the way in this race.
Again, you might be minding your own business... doing your own thing…
But to someone somewhere, you’re in the way.
And you'll appear to be in the way to more people, the more competitive it is where you
are.
So racers just want you to shut up and stay in your lane.
Which brings me to the next few that all have to do with not shutting up and not staying
in your own lane.
And so the first one of these I want to talk about is number seven, people will dislike
you if you put yourself out there.
Whether you hang up a little painting you’ve done for the occasional visitor to see or
you’re a vlogger sharing a whole lot of intimate details about your life on a very
public platform, you’re sharing a part of yourself with the world.
When you do that, you make it possible for others to take these parts of you, interpret
them in their own way, and size you up as a whole person.
As a very transparent extrovert, creator, and YouTuber, this happens to me all the time.
Putting yourself out there will annoy several groups of people.
One group includes those who prefer to live more inwardly, those who believe that people
should generally keep things to themselves.
To these guys, it doesn’t make sense why anyone should share parts of themselves with
the rest of the world.
So, when they do see this happen, they figure it’s just got to do with narcissism or a
selfish need to express oneself.
Another group you’ll annoy are those who believe that people have no business in putting
themselves out there unless they’re “good enough,” unless they’ve taken the traditional
path to become licensed or accredited.
Yeah, no matter how much good can come out of it, a lot of people disapprove of people
putting themselves out there.
Next, number eight, people will dislike you if you openly talk about having a hard time.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a healthy way to feel and process your emotions, it doesn't
matter if it's an essential part to being known and understood, it doesn’t matter
if it brings people closer together through mutual care and empathy, and it doesn’t
matter if it removes the shame and stigma around having challenges in life.
No matter how much good can come out of it, there's a bunch of people who are against
that kind of talk.
One group that gets really triggered by this are those who’ve felt invalidated in their
own past.
Many of these guys have fully subscribed to the idea that your pains don’t matter as
theirs didn’t in the past.
Another group that gets triggered by this are those with very little tolerance for what
they broadly refer to as “negativity.”
Their measure of positivity and negativity is simply based on whether something makes
them feel good or bad.
If you fail to make it all about them and make them feel good, sorry, to them, you’re
just adding more negativity into this world.
So, yeah, if you openly talk about having a hard time, as I do in-person and on our
YouTube channel, many people will reduce you to a weak and spoiled, entitled complainer
that’s just full of negativity.
Moving on to the subject of fairness.
In my last talk video, I mentioned that a lot of people believe in a kind of fairness
that you’d see in a fairy tale.
A big part of the Cinderella story is built on the commonly held belief that life is fair…
that generally, bad things happen to bad people and good things happen to good people.
It’s a worldview that’s first introduced to many of us as children.
Growing up, many of us got disciplined for bad behavior and rewarded for good behavior,
right?
Well, this way of looking at how the world works still remains popular among adults long
after they’ve grown out of fairy tales.
Why?
Because it gives people a sense of control over the world and the good and bad things
that happen to them.
Now, if you take this fairness doctrine and this whole “life as a race” worldview,
and you combine the two together, what do you get?
You get this idea that racers who do all the wrong things should fall behind and racers
who do all the right things should get ahead.
But things don’t always work out that way, do they?
Some racers appear to be getting ahead even without doing all the right things.
This brings me to number nine, people will dislike you if you appear to have an unfair
advantage in the race… if it appears like you just get the world handed over to you
on a silver platter.
No matter all the right things you do, there will always be people who believe they’re
above you in doing all the right things.
These guys like to believe that their lives have been so much tougher than yours… that,
despite how tough their lives were, they worked so much harder than you to do all the right
things… and then in doing all the right things, they’ve earned every little thing
that they have… to become 100% self-made champions!
And because of all of that, a lot of these guys believe that they’re more deserving
of life’s rewards.
That’s why it angers them to see you get what they feel entitled to.
And the more that life unfairly rewards someone as “undeserving” as you, the more these
guys will dislike you for it… like the time we openly shared about my parents gifting
us a home... people threw shade at us for that.
Now, you'd think that, after countless times of things not going according to their ideals,
these guys might re-evaluate their fairness doctrine, right?
But this is where another interesting thing can happen.
Some of these guys, not all, start to blame everything on the existence of systems that
are designed to benefit just a select group of people… a more “privileged” class
of people.
And then, just like in number five, you can end up becoming the face of these systems
that many of these guys are against.
So that’s my list of nine reasons why people dislike you.
It's because you messed up.
It's because you're different.
It's because you look like you're a part of a group they don’t like.
It’s because you look like you’re winning or losing… or that you’re in the way.
It’s because you put yourself out there or openly talk about having a hard time.
And lastly, it’s because it looks like you’ve got an unfair advantage.
Now, I understand that it doesn't feel good to be disliked, rejected, or hated.
You might be tempted to try to control it all... by blending in and not standing out,
by hiding all the parts of yourself that might rub others the wrong way, by doing everything
that others want, by endlessly apologizing and defending yourself, and, as you might
have noticed happening a lot more these days because of cancel culture, by cancelling yourself.
But there’s so much in life all of us will miss out on if you choose to be this kind
of people pleaser.
All for what?...
This illusion that you can control these things that just happen to be a part of life and
the imperfect nature of our human race.
So I definitely don’t think it’s worth stressing over trying to control it all.
Instead, we should really focus on being our authentic selves and not caring about what
others think about us.
If you know anyone who could benefit from this video, make sure to share it.
And if you found this video helpful, make sure to give it a thumbs up.
Thanks for watching and I’ll see you next time.