hey everyone and welcome to topthink today we're going to learn about how to make people
like you in 30 seconds now let's begin number one spontaneous trait transference everyone
knows that compliments are a reliable way to win people over but few realize how it changes their
perception of who you are by using the right kind of compliments you can actually convince
people to believe different things about your personality whether you want to show people
that you're funny kind or reliable this trick will instantly transform their opinion of you the key
is a psychological process called spontaneous trait transference it was first proven in 1998
by a study investigating perceived likability participants listened to one character person a
give a description of a second character person B after hearing their descriptions participants then
rated the personality of person a it turns out their ratings changed depending on the kind of
description that person a gave about person B in other words when you describe someone else people
assume that you possess those same characteristics if you compliment a friend of yours by saying oh
he's really smart well then they'll assume you're smart too on the surface this makes almost no
sense why would your description of another person change their perception of you well
just think about how you evaluate other people when talking to your friends you have experience
interacting with them yeah you know what their personalities are like but if you're talking
to a stranger you don't have enough information to fill in the gaps your brain relies on basic
associations and context clues to get an idea of who that person really is you make assumptions
about their personality until something proves you wrong yeah it's not the most logical approach but
these shortcuts help you interact with people on a daily basis spontaneous trait transference
is just another one of those short cuts your brain is working off limited information so it
associates you with the kind of compliments that you give but it isn't just positive for positive
no multiple studies have shown that spontaneous trait transference is trait specific what that
means is complementing kindness makes people think that you're kind complimenting confidence makes
people think you're confident so if you want to boost your likeability just try this tell
a story or give a compliment that highlights a distinct trait about someone else thanks to
spontaneous trait transference their perception of you will change almost immediately number two
zero cost approach socializing is supposed to be an enjoyable experience right well for some
reason many unlikable people turn socializing into a series of transactions if you want a favor you
owe them a favor if you want to tell them a story well then you have to listen to a story they give
every interaction of price tag and that just makes them seem selfish it feels like you don't
care about the other person's well-being you're just looking for some way to reap the rewards so
try using a zero cost approach instead if someone asks you for help just give it to them no strings
attached people don't want to feel like they owe you for every little thing that you do a zero
cost approach will demonstrate that you're only interested in their well-being you're helping
because you're a nice person not because you're looking for something in return if you do use a
zero cost approach make sure you're doing it for the right reasons some people abuse this technique
for popularity and attention they seem considerate on the outside but they're just looking for an
ego boost remember that your goal is to quickly establish positive relationships you're creating a
sturdy foundation by displaying compassion for the people around you if you do genuinely care people
will start reciprocating on their own number three uplifting flexibility adaptability is one of the
most likeable personality traits people love when you can adapt to things other people enjoy if you
can surrender the reins and still have a good time people will invite you to everything your
flexibility and laid-back attitude keep everyone relaxed and positive you're not creating conflict
or fighting for control you're diffusing stress by smiling and laughing through every situation
now of course that doesn't mean you can't be your own person you can still have individual tastes
and interests but adaptable people know how and when to set their preferences aside so if you
communicate your flexibility right off the bat people will find you much more likeable number
four individualized greetings everyone knows that generic greeting hi how are you it works
well for formal introductions but it's not the best way to kick off a friendly conversation to
make yourself more likeable use your introduction to grab their attention and make them feel more
comfortable try replacing that boring intro with something more unique let's say you're
talking to someone you've met in passing a couple of times lead with their name and a
question related to something you talked about before this shows that you remember who they are
and that you care enough to recall details from your last conversation people really appreciate
this kind of investment even if they don't know you well a personal greeting can win them over in
seconds but what if it's a complete stranger well you don't have to know anything about someone to
spice your introduction just pay attention to what they look like who they're talking to and
where they are you can use all of this as material to get a comfortable conversation going right away
number five sensory biases your eyes and your ears aren't the only tools that you use to decide if
someone is likable most people don't realize the important role that smell plays in this kind of
perception one study specifically investigated how certain smells can change our assessments
of likeability researchers asked participants to sniff three different bottles the first had
a good smell the second had a bad smell and the last wasn't good or bad after smelling
one of these bottles each participant looked at a picture of a neutral face they were then asked to
rate its likeability out of six so what did they discover participants unconsciously gave higher
ratings after smelling something good that means that your nose affects the way you interact with
other people yeah you may not realize it but it may even be the reason that you chose your friends
or your partner to cultivate a positive first impression make yourself appealing to all the
senses pay attention to your sense just like you'd work on your language or your appearance make sure
you're not overdoing it that same study found that people lose their sensory biases when a scent is
too strong the effects move from unconscious to conscious so their brain adjusts the way that
it evaluates your personality but if you can strike the right balance positive smells can
significantly improve your likeability number six motivated positivity bias sometimes likeability
depends on context you might talk to the same person in two different environments and get two
completely different reactions that's because people approach certain contexts with goals in
mind at the gym for example your goal might not be to make friends or create connections you're there
to focus and work out so if someone tries to start up a conversation you probably won't make much of
an effort but what if you're attending some kind of social event socializing is the entire reason
that you're there so if that same person came up to talk to you it would probably go much smoother
contextual goals change the way you perceive other people a 2013 study called this perceptual
change a pair of rose-colored glasses they found that social settings encourage participants to
overlook things that would normally frustrate them but it's more than just ignoring the bad
things these rose-colored glasses create an obvious positivity bias people inferred more
positive traits about the people around them when motivated by a positive outlook so to increase
your likability just try saving your approach for the right social context number 7 reciprocity of
liking reciprocity is something humans do all the time we exchange goods services and even language
when someone gives us one thing we naturally feel the urge to give them something back it turns out
reciprocity affects our emotions as well there are however a few extra steps the reciprocity of
liking and a similar phenomenon called the reciprocity of attraction trigger a series
of mental processes first off finding out that someone likes you stimulates pleasurable feelings
in your brain and that puts you in a better mood next it proves that there are things about you
that are worth liking suddenly you're feeling more self-assured and confident - and finally
you feel obligated to return the favor that way you can guarantee the same support in the future
this works on friends strangers and even people that you've never met one study had participants
judge likability based solely on a questionnaire when participants found out that people liked them
they immediately expressed the same positivity while it works on anybody there is one important
distinction researchers discovered there are two types of reciprocity there's generalized which
means you like everyone and dyadic which means you like a specific person dyadic rest prosody is
way more effective at improving like ability than generalized in other words people respond better
when they feel special so don't be afraid to show someone that you enjoy talking to or spending time
with them if you're fond of them chances are they'll become fond of you hey thank you for
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