Why do kids run away from home? This is a common behavior that we see sometimes. I'm
Nicholeen Peck and I'm the previous foster parent of many troubled teens. Many of which
in fact, almost all of them has a history of running away, and I learned a lot about
why they run away, and what they're hoping to accomplish by that, and maybe what kind
of things they could learn to help them instead of running away. So, let's talk about why
kid's run away in this video. In this video, I'm gonna share with you five reasons why
a child might decide to run away and the last reason you wanna stick around for because
I think it might surprise you. Now, there are many reasons why a person might run away
and one of those reasons is kind of a sad reason and that's the person could be in danger.
So, when a young person is in danger and they don't know how to handle their problem. The
only solution seems to be to get out, to get away, to preserve themselves. So, as adults
and as parents we need to ask ourselves the question. Do we actually feel safe? Does the
child feel like their battling me? Do they feel like they can't trust me? Maybe have
we been a little too heavy-handed? This could be a sign. Now I know that that's maybe a
hard thing to hear for some people. But it definitely can be true. Maybe a young person
is in a situation that they don't know how to get out of. In fact, they don't even know
that there are ways to handle difficult situations like that. The good news is there are ways
that you can handle situations, even abusive situations without having to put yourself
in danger by running away. As I get into my other reasons, you'll learn other ways you
can handle your problems that don't require running away. SO, be sure to stick around
and gather some of that information. Especially, if you might be contemplating running away
yourself. The second reason that some people choose to run away is because they don't feel
like they're being understood. Sometimes, we think of things in a way that somebody
else doesn't get, or at least we think that they don't get it and we don't know how to
become understood. So, sometimes we feel like we've got to get our message through to them,
that's why we run away. Sadly, what usually happens is the person that we're running away
from just feels like they need to control you more not actually understand you more.
And so, they might go into a locked-down type of mentality when you're found because it
almost always happens. I was a foster parent, all of the teens that run away from my home
were always found and many of them did it repeatedly. Why did they run away from my
home? You might be wondering that. Well, they run away because they didn't know how to solve
their problems and because many of them had a habit of running away. So in their homes
when they didn't get things their way or maybe when they feel anxious or frustrated. They
developed a habit of running away from their problems. Because nobody ever thought them
that there was a way they could solve their problem. In fact, they could feel better for
having solved the problem and it didn't have to be as difficult as their anxiety was telling
them that it might be. One skill that I thought my foster children that would help them become
understood was a skill called, disagreeing appropriately. When a person disagrees appropriately
what they're doing is seeking to understand the other person's point of view and then,
sharing their point of view in a calm and relatable way. SO, the steps to disagreeing
appropriately are to look at the person, to keep a calm face, voice, and body I mean,
really calm. To say that you understand the other person's point of view and then to share
your point of view. To listen to what the other person has to say and then to say "Okay"
and drop the subject. Now, obviously, we don't say "Okay" to things that are dangerous to
us. But when it's our parent and there giving us a no answer about something or an instruction
about something or their sharing their opinion. Then we can say "Okay", acknowledging that's
how you feel, that's your opinion. So that we can come to that place of understanding.
But dropping the subject is so very important. Do you know, it's ruminating on the same thought
again and again. That is actually what propels us forward to leave our situation to run away.
It's because we're not controlling what our brain is doing. Many people don't realize
that. They feel like the only way to make the anxiety go away si to keep thinking about
it and then when the anxiety persists. Then they think, "Well, maybe I can run away from
the anxiety." But even after you run away the anxiety is still there. In fact, then
usually comes fear, a feeling of loneliness, abandonment. Definitely not helpful for a
young person to be in that type of situation. Because sometimes, we start doing things that
are more drastic than we ever would do, just because we're desperate. The third reason
why a person might choose to run away is because they have something to hide. Here's the thing,
we all make mistakes, every person makes bad choices once in a while and I know that it
can be really humbling when someone else finds out about your mistake. But if that person
loves you, if they really love you. Even if they have disappointment for a minute or even
a day or two, they're gonna still have that love prevail. I was just talking with a woman
the day who talked about the teenage pregnancy that she had. She was sure her family would
be mad at her. Maybe even, kind of disown her in a way just because of how things happened.
But she was completely wrong. The family supported her in fact, the family grew and bonded in
greater ways. Because they saw her through this trial that she had and everyone was happy
for her in the end. Because she became a great person for relying on the family as she went
through this difficult circumstance. So, don't hide. The people who really love you, love
you and if you tell someone who doesn't seem like they do love you. There is someone who
does and running away just to get rid of your support doesn't really help you hide anything
in the end. Before I get to my last two reasons why people run away. Is some of this interesting
to you? If so, give it a thumbs up. In fact, leave me a comment below, I'd love to know
your experiences with runaways and what type of thoughts are going through your mind. The
fourth reason that people choose to run away is because they don't know how to solve their
problems. Problem-solving takes practice. In fact, there are certain skills that a person
usually has to use to solve their problems. There was an exercise that I use with my foster
children that helped them learned better ways to solve their problems. This exercise was
called SODAS. I know that's a funny strange name. It's an acronym that stands for situation,
options, disadvantages, advantages, and solution. Did you know that there are advantages to
making the wrong choice even a dangerous choice and there are disadvantages to making the
right choice or really productive healthy choice. There are and sometimes we don't focus
on those when we're trying to help another person who might be contemplating drastic
decisions for their lives. So, maybe you're helping someone right now, who is contemplating
running away. Maybe you're even contemplating it for yourself. Do a SODAS. So here's the
situation. Someone is doing something that I don't like or the situation could be. I
feel like getting out of here, whatever it is. You write that as a situation but you
make sure to stop the situation right before decision is made. Then come the options. Well,
what are my options? I can get out of here and run away. I can stay and get calm and
talk to the person or I can disagree appropriately and I explain some of that skill before. Now,
what are the advantages and disadvantages of each of these particular choices that I
might make. Well, then you go through that. Well, one of the advantages of running away
is I don't have to look at the person and I don't have to face my anxiety right then.
But It doesn't go away, I'm gonna have to face it at some point, so that's one of the
disadvantages. I'm just making my solution to my problem take longer. I might be cold,
I might be hungry, I might not nowhere to go, I might get somebody else in trouble for
keeping me a secret. So, think of the advantages and disadvantages. There are many advantages
that we don't consider to those good behaviors. Then at the end make a solution, a really
honest solution. That brings me to reason number five. The fifth reason people might
choose to run away is because they actually don't want to acknowledge the truth. I know
that's kind of shocking right? I promised you that there would be a kind of shocking
revelation, but it's true. Many people feed themselves a lot of lies. They tell themselves
things like, "Nobody cares about me", "Nobody would notice if I'm gone", "They'd be better
off if I'm not here", "My life is gonna be better without them", "Maybe the point will
get through to them", "Maybe they'll feel bad if I'm gone and so, I want them to feel
bad that's gonna bring them closer to me." All of those kinds of things they got into
their head and really their not focusing on truth. They're just focusing on emotions that
were having at the time. We're in the wrong part of our brain when we're thinking of running
away. The place we need to be at in our brain is in the prefrontal cortex. The part that
acknowledges and analysis the truth. So, what is the truth? Those people are connected to
your life because they care about you. They may not be behaving properly, maybe your not
either. But that doesn't mean they don't care about you. They absolutely do and running
away is just a power struggle. It doesn't anything. So, make sure that you choose to
actually solve the problem not to create additional problems by power struggling and running away.
At some point when you're found, coz everyone is. Then you have to solve the problem anyway,
that's the truth. You have to talk about it then, so why not just talk about it now. Another
truth that people don't recognize is I can get calm. I can be calm, calm, so choose that.
Choose that instead of feeding that anxiety and those anxious thoughts that are in your
head again and again. Those are the things that are pushing you away from the people
that would support you and love you. Those assumptions that everybody gonna be mad at
you or hates you or doesn't care, aren't true. A person could feel emotional maybe about
something you did. That doesn't really change necessarily the way that they think about
you as a person. Remember that, there are truth. You're valuable to them and they are
actually valuable to you and if you will leave them you will feel a hole in your life too.
These are just some of the reasons that a person might choose to run away. I mean, you
probably know many more and if you wanna list them in the chat you can. I know that some
people have chemical things that they're dealing with and lots of other stresses and burdens
that might be part of their lives. But generally speaking, these five reasons attached to almost
every other reason, why a person might choose to run away. If you're making that choice
right now for yourself or someone around you is trying to make that choice. I'd like you
to hold off on the choice for a minute until you can figure out how well you can master
yourself. There is something I have called, the calm parenting toolkit. Now, it sounds
like it's for parents but really it's for anybody. The skills that I share in that calm
parenting toolkit which is basically a mini-course that a person can take to learn to master
themselves. Their own self-government and they can learn to communicate calmly with
other people. Could be really beneficial for you as you are trying to strengthen relationships
with someone or solve some of your problems. You've got to do it with a level head, be
calm. Click on that calm parenting toolkit link that is below this video in the description.
It's free, you have nothing to lose. You only have the opportunity to gain more control
over yourself. Which will then mean, more control over your happiness, your relationships,
and your life. Click on that link now.