Hi.
I'm Ronnie.
Do you go to the gym?
Did you know that at the gym there are different animals that are there?
You think we're all humans, but I don't know what happens - as soon as you go to the gym,
all of a sudden these different animals come out and start doing crazy animal things.
This lesson is especially for Carol; thanks for all your help.
Love you, girl.
This is for you.
What kind of animal are you at the gym?
The most popular animal that you can see at the gym or what kinda animal...
Now, "kinda" is how we say "kind of".
We never say: "kind of"; we say: "kinda".
So, what kind of animal are you?
The most popular is the rat.
You will hear this expression a lot.
People will say: "He's a gym rat." or "She's a gym rat."
This just means that they are always at the gym.
So, when you go there, you always see these people.
I'm not too sure why it's a rat, because rats are kind of dirty, they're not very strong,
they have long tails, and they live in a sewer - which is very different from a gym, but
I didn't make these up.
Yes, I did, but I didn't make up the rat part.
So, are you a gym rat?
Or are you more of a gorilla?
So, gentlemen, it seems that when you go to the gym you all of a sudden like to make noises,
like this: "Ah!
Ah!
Ahh!
Ugh!"
This is called "grunting".
"Ugh!"
Sometimes I wonder what guys are doing in the other part of the gym.
So, a gorilla is a big, hairy animal-[grunts]-that make a lot of noises, like this.
So, in English, we have a word called "grunt", and grunt is like: "Hu, hu".
We also have a word called "moan".
Now, "moan" can be quite sexual.
This gets Ronnie wondering what exactly the men are doing.
Moaning is like: "Unh.
Unh."
Are you lifting weights, sir, or are you lifting something else?
Mm-hmm.
So, there is a big hairy gorilla that grunts and moans.
Ugh.
Next up we have the proud peacock.
The peacock is a kind of guy or girl who loves to walk around the gym, and show off their
body.
So maybe they're guys kissing their muscles, or girls that are combing their hair.
So, we have an expression called "strut".
"To strut" means you walk like you're very sexy.
Not like a gorilla, but you're walking and you're hoping that everyone in the gym is
looking at you.
So, "strutting" is to walk very sexily in the gym.
It's so sweaty and disgusting there.
What are you doing?
Just do your workout.
Walk down the street.
Strut down the street - that's better.
Peacocks also like to show off their feathers.
So maybe they have beautiful muscles, like I said, or maybe they have a beautiful bottom,
which means bum.
They like to show it off and wave it in your face when you're doing...
When you're working out.
I don't want your bum in my face, thank you.
As much as I think it's nice, I really don't want your arse in my face.
Also, the male peacock tries to intimidate other males, so they...
It's not only a male/female thing, but men might go around and try to flex their muscles
more than the other guys, especially if a girl walks by; or they will count extra reps.
"Reps" means repetitions.
So, instead of doing: "One, two", they're like: "200.
Ugh.
Ah.
299."
You just did 100 within one count.
These peacocks, watch out for them.
They do have beautiful tails, though; one can't help but look.
The next one, one of my favourites, is the monkey.
The wee monkey.
What are you doing, wee monkey?
The monkey is my favourite.
If you've ever gone to a gym and used the equipment, which is like weights or machines,
there's a proper way to do it.
Okay?
There's a little picture.
So, it's like: "Sit down, put your leg here and your arm here, and do this."
So, the person decides to get in upside down and their legs are where their arms should
be, and they're just doing...
And: What are you doing?
So these are monkeys.
Monkeys are silly; they're playing around, and they're basically doing the exercises-the
machines-the wrong way.
Getting results?
I don't know.
Maybe they get an extra banana in their protein shake after they've done this.
But monkeys are just there to play around.
They're fun.
Aw, aren't they cute?
Get off of the machine, you monkey.
Next one: Squirrel.
You know what a squirrel is?
Do you have squirrels in your country?
We have lots of squirrels in Canada, and squirrels basically, what they do by nature is they
go around and they collect all the nuts, and then they hide them so nobody else gets their
nuts.
So at a gym there's the one person, male or female, that's going to go around and get
all of the equipment.
So they're going to get all of the weights...
So weights are like heavy machines, heavy things like this; or dumbbells or barbells.
Now, barbells look like this, but they're bigger.
So what they do is they hoard all the equipment.
So, they get all of the weights-there's no way they can use 12 weights-and "hoard them"
means to gather and keep so no one else can use them.
So, instead of nuts, they're taking all the equipment, and they spread it all around and
there isn't enough equipment for other people.
So, these damn squirrels, you took my nuts.
You took my weights.
This is my favourite.
I made these up, by the way.
A dog.
What does a dog do?
A dog likes to mark its territory.
How does a dog mark its territory?
"Piss".
It pees on something.
Now, I'm not suggesting that people pee in the gym on the machines, though sometimes
it does smell that; but a dog basically calls dibs on the machines.
So, "calling dibs" on something means to say: "This is mine."
So, we don't actually pee on them; we just say: "This is my machine."
So, what would happen is if you're doing a set or if you're doing a round in the gym,
maybe one person is doing what's called a-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-"superset".
A "superset" is basically: I will use two machines at the same...
Not at the same time - that's crazy.
I will use two machines, do both the machines, and then take a break.
Traditionally, we do one machine, take a break, and do the next machine; but a superset involves
using two machines sponta-...
Together.
Okay?
Not spontaneously.
So, you can do this, yes; but if the gym is busy, there's a problem.
So you're not going to go and go: "Piss - this is my machine; piss - this is my machine,
too."
You have to be aware that people are around you, so don't be a dog.
Don't be a dog, man.
Lions.
Do you guys know what lions are famous for?
Lions are very proud, kind of like a peacock, but they always have the nicest flash new
workout gear.
"Flash" means beautifully stylish; usually very expensive; and "workout gear" basically
means the clothes that you wear to the gym.
So, these lions will have the most beautiful, expensive workout gear.
And do you know what they do?
They don't really work out.
They spend most of the time looking in the mirror or taking selfies.
Oh, hey.
Watching themselves as they workout.
Those lions, watch out for them - they might bite you.
Do you have a bird in the gym?
I think I might do this.
I might be a bird.
I always wear headphones or earphones, and quite often when I walk down the street I
will sing because I'm just so damn happy all the time.
But at the gym, there are people who sing when other people are around them.
Unfortunately these people are not professional singers and they're usually not very good
at, so these are what I'm going to call the birds.
They sing and you just want them to shut up.
These birds also have a tendency to use their phones, instead of working out; they sit on
the machines and text.
Maybe they're on Twitter: "I'm at the gym!"
Selfie.
How about you go to the gym, do your exercise, and then take a picture after we're sweaty,
and then put that on Instagram?
And then my favourite people...
No, I hate these people: People who talk on the phone when they're working out.
I don't know what it is, ladies, you're the worst.
I do not want to hear your conversation about anything - I don't care what you're talking
about.
It is annoying as hell when I'm working out and you're: "Oh my god, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.
[Laughs]."
Shut up!
You should not be able to have enough breath to speak if you're actually working out at
the gym.
You should be like: "Ha-ha", out of breath and unable to talk by the end of your routine.
So, if you've got enough energy to yap through the whole thing - come on, get that...
Get that heartbeat up more, girl.
Get off your phone.
Concentrate on what you're doing.
I'm sure your friend can wait to hear about your new nail polish colour.
Mine's coral, by the way.
One of the worst...
Well, I don't know which is worse, the pig or the skunk.
The pig.
The pig is dirty.
Basically, pigs don't wipe down the machines.
So, "wipe down" or "wipe the machines" mean you clean with some kind of a stringent, some
kind of liquid after you've used them.
So, you're all sweaty, you get your bum...
Get some bum sweat on the seat - it's nice to wipe or clean the sweat off of the machine.
These people don't do that.
And they do what's called ogling.
Do you know what "ogle" means?
I know it looks like "oogle", I know, but it's not oogle; it's "ogle".
"Ogle" means they look at all of the fine ladies working out in the gym.
So, for example: Ladies, if you're doing a yoga class, there's always one pig behind
who's looking at all the ladies do the downward dog position.
He's not really thinking about yoga at this point, but he doesn't really care and he continues
to stare.
Maybe you like that; I don't know.
The skunk.
Do you know what a skunk is?
A skunk is an animal that smells really bad.
So, gyms, for me always smell bad because there's lots of people, they're sweating;
it's not a very clean environment.
Sometimes it smells like bum, which I'm kind of baffled by.
But, basically, a skunk might fart...
Yeah.
Did you know that word in English: "fart"?
And basically they smell bad.
It might be because their clothes are moldy.
Now, "moldy", it's a very distinct smell.
"Moldy" basically means that your clothes have not dried properly and they smell like
a wet dishrag.
So if you wash your dishes and you: "[Sniffs]."
You smell that rag, that's the same smell, except it's now on a person.
Some of them even smell like dirty boy parts, and let me tell you, it's the balls.
Okay?
And I'm just wondering: Do you ever shower?
I mean, I know you're sweating, but when we start the class and you come in smelling like
balls, I don't know what you're doing at your work, but just maybe some baby powder on those,
boy.
Something to get the stench away.
Next one, the leech.
Leech is not as in an animal; it's more like an insect, and basically a leech comes and
sticks on you.
Now, picture this: It's 4:30 at the gym.
There are only two people working out, and you decide to go for a run, and there are
six running machines or treadmills.
So, you decide to take the treadmill to the far left against the wall and have your own
freedom for the day.
About five minutes into your running, another person comes into the gym-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-and
sees seven empty treadmills.
Guess what this person does?
Instead of choosing a treadmill far from you, they come to the one exactly right beside
you.
What the hell are you doing?
Do you want to smell my sweat?
Why would you choose to go on the machine directly beside me?
There's six other machines you could have chosen.
You could go very far away and still get a very good workout, but no - you come right
beside me.
Ronnie hates that.
Ronnie doesn't run that much, but Ronnie hates when people are really close.
Why would you come right beside me?
It's the exact same thing as when you're on a bus, and there's five empty seats and someone
comes directly and sits beside you.
"Why are you sitting beside me?
There's another seat.
Go over there."
Okay?
No spatial awareness.
If someone has no spatial awareness, it means that they don't know about space.
So, they have no idea that you should keep a distance from people.
Unless you know the person intimately or very well - that's fine, but in human nature, we
don't really come and leech onto someone or sit really close to them.
It's very uncomfortable, especially when you're sweating it to the Oldies at the gym.
So, I got news for you guys: Do you know that humans are animals?
Yeah.
Do you know that I'm an animal?
I'm a unicorn, obviously; but on Fridays I'm a dragon; but during the rest of the days,
I'm a human.
So, please, try at the gym to not be a grunting gorilla; try to not be a strutting peacock,
or a silly monkey; don't be a squirrel; don't pee on machines - don't be a dog; don't be
a lion and all proud and walk around.
You can sing a little bit, but don't do it so loud, and don't talk on your phone!
Hey, wipe down the machines, you dirty pig.
Please wash your clothes.
Okay?
Doesn't take that much.
And, please, don't come right beside me.
Let's try and be a human at the gym.
Okay?