- I didn't rebel when I was a teenager.
I started late and was still going at it the summer
I turned 30.
I just became an American citizen.
I divorced my husband.
I got a big tattoo of a bat on my arm
and I joined a New York City punk band.
I was just beginning to play bass guitar,
so, for the first show I borrowed the tambourine
from a friend.
And I started hitting it so hard that my whole arm went
through the drum skin.
And an acquaintance of mine came up to me
and she said, "You might benefit from going to therapy."
And she handed me a card for a therapist and I took it
and I went.
And at the first session, this therapist asked me,
why are you here?
And I said to her, I am here because I am angry
at the world and its people.
And she said to me, the world is like a mosaic
and you are one of its tiny pieces.
You are very important, but so is equally everybody else.
And I wanted to say to her,
I did not go through all this trouble to come
all the way from Communist Poland to New York City
to pay you $75 an hour, so you could turn me
into some happy tile
So, I continued doing my thing.
I use to go out almost every night.
I use to practice with the band and then go out
almost every night to dance, drink.
I used to come home at sunrise and I would watch,
as regular people were going to work,
and I felt great pity for their lives.
And around that time I got my first jury duty summons
in the mail.
So, I asked my rock and roll friends about it
and they said, jury duty sucks, and it needs to be avoided
at all costs because the system is corrupt, so why bother.
And then they coached me on how not to get picked.
They said, whatever the case is,
tell them you have personal experience with it.
So, if somebody was attacked,
tell them you have been attacked.
And if somebody was pick-pocketed
you have been pick-pocketed.
So, I felt very confident on that day
and I got dressed for my jury picking day.
I spiked my hair, I made sure my bat tattoo
was in full view.
I put the motorcycle boots, jeans with holes
and a t-shirt that said, I want to be your dog.
And I arrived like that at the court and I sat in a huge room
with lots of other people.
And shortly after my name got called into another room
for something called voir dire.
Where I learned that the case,
the defendant was a young black man accused of robbery.
And I thought to myself,
this is great I don't even have to lie.
So, I raised my hand and I said, pardon me,
but I cannot be impartial
because I have been twice arrested for shoplifting.
The judge was in the room, he was very old
and very mean because when I raised my hand again,
he sent me a cold look that said,
I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work.
And I really wanted to see the expression on his face
when I tell him about my job,
but I didn't think it was a good idea to announce in court
that for the past six years,
I have been delivering magic mushrooms
and marijuana for money.
So I kept quiet.
And I got selected as the juror number one.
And then I had to sit and watch as they select
the 11 remaining jurors, 10 very uptight,
rigid Wall Street type of people,
and one elderly Spanish gentleman.
There was this anemic looking woman wearing a blue suit
with flat shoes, straight black uneventful hair.
Then there was middle age guy would beige pleated paints
that when above his waist.
Blue Oxford shirt with bowtie
and a very low quality toupee.
And he acted as if there was absolutely nothing
wrong with that look.
Then there was this younger guy with a briefcase,
the groovy type who thinks Eric Clapton is a god
and invented the blues,
and rest of them were wearing suits.
I was positive they were all Republicans
that they were probably married
to their childhood sweethearts,
had fantastic jobs with all benefits
and a room for promotion,
that probably on Sundays they went with their whole families
to the park to walk slowly, take in the air
and admire the vegetation.
What a life, I thought.
And now we were locked here together
and they were gonna put this young man in jail.
And for the first time I realized, thank God they picked me.
So, he could have at least one truly liberal,
open-minded soul on his side.
And, the case was scheduled for the following week.
I lost sense of time and I went out the night
before as usual.
I came home at sunrise, I passed out on the couch
and I woke up because my phone wouldn't stop ringing.
It was the court clerk saying, "Where are you?
We're about to go into session and the judge insists
on waiting for you, so please hurry."
So, I quickly got in a cab and I went downtown.
And, when I got into the court, I was told
that our case got moved into the afternoon
because of my lateness.
So, I went to everybody and, I apologize.
Even though I wanted to say to them, you know,
don't blame me, you could see I was trying to help you,
not to pick me.
And, so finally, after lunch, we entered the courtroom.
The family of the defendant was already there,
or it seemed to be his grandmother,
his grandfather, parents and siblings.
And they look a little concerned when they saw us
all pretty much white there and I wanted to wave to them
and say, "Don't worry, I've got this."
Then the case began, the hearing began
and the persecution made a complete mess of things.
They gave us a lot of facts that we were later told
to erase from our memory, like that's easy to do.
Then the defense lawyer was not very helpful
because he was disheveled, depressed
and not very passionate about saving his client
from going to jail.
And I could see that the old judge was not happy
with their performance either.
Because when we were walking to deliberate, he stopped us,
and then his speech to us, he just said,
"Just go with your gut."
I've never been to law school,
but I knew I would have done a much better job just
from watching crime movies.
So, we finally went into the deliberation room,
the door got locked,
and we started talking.
And, everybody had a chance to say something.
I don't remember what I said exactly,
but I remember we all agreed
that the guy probably committed the crime.
But then some of the people were saying
that they didn't think that
the prosecution proved their case.
So, after 40 minutes of that,
finally our foreman said, "Is anybody ready to vote?"
And nobody was raising their hands,
so, I raised my hand and I said, "I'm ready.
And I vote guilty."
And they all looked at me,
and then the anemic woman raised her hand
and she said, "I'm already too, and I vote not guilty."
And I thought, she's probably religious or something.
So, then the Spanish guy raised his hand
and he said, "I'm ready too, and I vote not guilty."
And then one by one they voted not guilty.
And I was the only one with the guilty vote.
And I was a little surprised myself
because I was supposed to be the one to save him
but I couldn't ignore my gut.
And now, what happened next is that these 11 people
talk to me,
one by one with patience and gentleness.
And they didn't say that I was wrong,
they said they understood where I was coming from,
that they said maybe you were influenced
by the information we were supposed to forget.
And when I was still not convinced,
they send the older Spanish gentleman to talk to me.
And he sat very close to me and he looked me
in the eyes and he said, "You know, maybe one day,
somebody that you love very much will be in this situation,
where it will look like they have committed a crime,
but they're actually innocent."
"And this law that says a person is innocent
until proven guilty beyond reasonable doubt
will save their life.
By any means it's not a perfect law,
but it's the law we have.
And we were asked to follow and honor it
in this court today, so please consider that."
And, I was a little surprised how thoughtful
all these people were, and, I changed my vote.
And we went back to the court.
And when that final question is posed
by the judge, "Has the jury reached their verdict,
and how do you find the defendant?"
And when our beautiful, handsom foreman got up
and said, "Not guilty, Your Honor."
The family of the defendant jumped out of their seats
with so much relief.
And they looked at us and then they waited
for us outside because they wanted to thank us personally.
And as they were hugging everyone,
I was hoping that nobody's gone to tell them about me
and the deliberation room.
And I wanted to say to them, "Don't thank me,
thank these 11 really incredible,
probably still Republican people.
Because they are something else.
They've managed to crack my heart open against my will."
And then came a time where I had to say goodbye
to my colleagues.
And, I didn't want to part with them.
I want to grab onto their legs and say,
"Take me with you, don't leave me here alone.
Take me to the park.
for a walk, teach me how to admire the vegetation.
Teach me how to live."
And, but they had to go back to their regular jobs.
And, when somebody say today that they don't want to do
the jury duty, I say to them, please go.
You never know what can happen at the jury duty.
Thank you.