Welcome to Spotlight Advanced.
I’m Adam Navis.
And I’m Liz Waid.
Spotlight uses a special English method of broadcasting.
It is easier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.
What do you do when something bad happens to someone you love?
Imagine a child is playing and falls down.
He hurts his knee.
You may inspect the injury.
You may speak a kind word.
You may use your face to show concern or help him stand.
If he is crying, you may touch his hand or place your arm around him and hold him close
to you.
People do this because appropriate physical touch communicates love and safety.
For many years, Dr. Gary Chapman has studied how people communicate love to each other.
Dr. Chapman has identified five main ways that people show love.
These are the five love languages:
Kind Words of Affirmation Quality Time
Receiving Gifts Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Today’s Spotlight continues our series on the five love languages.
This series is based on the work of Dr. Chapman and his book The Five Love Languages.
This is the final program in the series.
Today’s love language is Physical Touch.
There are many kinds of physical touch.
And touch can communicate many things.
Sometimes touches can be bad.
They hurt other people.
They make other people feel bad or worthless.
But the touches we are talking about in this program are good or loving touches.
They are touches between people who enjoy them.
For people whose love language is Physical Touch, touch is especially important.
They feel especially loved when they feel loving touches.
And they feel especially hurt when they feel hostile or bad touches.
Touching people in ways they do not like to be touched does not express love.
It is important to touch people in ways that make them feel loved.
Doctor Gary Chapman tells this story about Tony and Renee.
They were married.
But their marriage was not going well.
Renee loved to spend time with Tony.
Her love language was quality time.
But Tony was always working.
Tony’s love language was physical touch.
But Renee did not know this about Tony.
Renee tried to show love by cleaning the house and cooking good meals.
She thought this would make Tony happy.
And it did, sometimes.
But, there was something missing.
Tony felt rejected by Renee.
It seemed like she did not enjoy his touches.
They rarely had sex.
So, Tony did not feel like Renee loved him.
To deal with his feelings of rejection, he stayed away from home.
So Renee felt alone.
One day Tony and Renee went to a marriage counsellor.
The counsellor explained the idea of love languages.
Soon, Renee began to give Tony loving physical touches.
Because they were married, this sometimes meant having sex.
But sometimes Renee just wrapped her arms around Tony in a hug.
This made Tony feel loved.
As a result he began to spend more time with Renee.
This made her feel loved.
And their marriage improved!
Physical touch may be the easiest love language to understand.
Chapman explains how physical touch is a necessary thing for health and a good life.
He writes,
“We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating love.
Many research projects in the area of child growth have shown that babies who are held,
hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods
of time without physical contact.”
Physical touch is also the love language people may often understand incorrectly.
Physical touch is not just about sex.
Sex is a powerful way to communicate love.
However, it is only one part of this love language.
Physical touch includes holding hands, kissing, a gentle touch as you walk through a room,
or sitting near someone when you eat or watch a film.
But we must be careful who we touch.
We must be careful where and when we touch them.
Physical touch is important and powerful.
That means that abuse of that touch can be dangerous and hurtful.
It is not right to demand physical touch.
This can happen at work, with friends, or with family.
Even in a marriage, demanding physical touch is not speaking love.
Even married people need to talk about what they need.
But they must also listen to the other person.
They must respect what limits are set.
You can speak the language of physical touch to friends and family.
Touching does not have to be sexual.
A child whose love language is physical touch may enjoy when you rub her back when she is
having a bad day.
Or she may like a special soft toy to hold when she is afraid.
Holding hands or setting your hand on the person’s shoulder are great ways to connect
with someone.
With these actions, you share a special experience.
These are different touches than you would use with a partner.
You can also speak the language of physical touch in a special way with a romantic partner.
Talk about what kinds of touches communicate love to the other person.
Even if you are a person who enjoys physical touch, your partner may enjoy different touches.
You need to talk together about your needs and how to communicate love.
These may include non-sexual touches.
They do not always have to lead to sex.
Find something that you are comfortable doing.
If you enjoy the way you touch your partner, you are more likely to do it again.
The more you show love to your partner, the more love they will feel.
Like all the love languages, physical touch is not about how we feel, but about how the
person feels.
Each person must care about their partner, their friends, or their children.
When we think only of ourselves, our relationships are not strong.
Chapman explains:
"Meeting my wife’s need for love is a choice I make each day.
If I speak her love language, her deepest emotional need will be met.
She will feel safe in my love.
If she does the same for me, my emotional needs are met.
We are able to keep our relationship exciting and growing.”
Do you think that your main love language is physical touch?
Tell us what you think.
You can leave a comment on our website.
Or email us at radio@radioenglish.net.
You can also comment on Facebook at Facebook.com/spotlightradio.
Listen to every program in this series on our website.
The writer of this program was Adam Navis.
The producer was Michio Ozaki.
The voices you heard were from the United Kingdom and the United States.
All quotes were adapted for this program and voiced by Spotlight.
You can listen to this program again, and read it, on the internet at www.radioenglish.net.
This program is called, ‘The Five Love Languages: Physical Touch’.
Visit our website to download our free official app for Android or Apple devices.
We hope you can join us again for the next Spotlight program.
Goodbye.