- Okay. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
- It would be able to teleport my urine
from my body to the toilet.
- I dead serious,
I was about to say whenever I was in drag
I didn't have to pee.
- Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty good.
Like if there were a Hunger Games of not peeing mama.
- I have seen you at the end of a shoot day
and your eyes are yellow.
- Eyes are yellow, I looked nine months pregnant.
It's like, yeah, it's a lot.
- 0% because of water.
- Oh yeah, I don't drink any water.
(energetic techno music)
- Hi, I'm Trixie Mattel.
- And I'm Katya.
- And we are two queens who like to watch.
- And today we have the very distinct privilege
of being back in the studio
to watch a Netflix original series called "Shadow and Bone",
which is a documentary about my life.
- Which is the two shades I used to contour my face today.
(energetic techno music)
(laughing loudly)
- As usual, spoilers.
- Yeah.
- We will be talking about the content of the program today.
The new top and bottom is, are you a shadow or a bone?
- You better throw this bone deep
into this (beep) dark shadowy abyss.
- I'm more of a shadow,
but if he's a younger guy I could bone.
- I could bone.
- Yeah. It's kind of like a cross
between "Lord of the Rings" and "The Hunger Games".
- Well, I love - The hungry games.
"The Hunger Games"
Because miss mama, Suzanne Collins.
"The Hunger Games".
Or as I call it me getting ready for the shoot.
Hello. - Hello.
(upbeat digital music)
[Alina Starkov] When I got older I learned
that darkness is a place,
and it's full of a monsters.
- So we meet Alina here who is a
- A cartographer.
- A cartographer, a person who draws maps.
- Yes. She's an orphan,
and she has super powers.
- Which is very common for orphans.
- By the way, not having parents?
Great superpower.
- Hello.
- Then why cross it, why not go around?
- Read them map.
- I mean, the irony of that of course is that,
just fold the map.
Your journey is cut in half.
- Is that how that works?
- Yeah.
You don't know about maps?
- I'm old enough to know the only way out, is through.
- I get the impression that there's a lot of darkness,
there's a good amount of fear,
and that there's something bad probably that's gonna happen.
- There's an ominous feeling
- Yes, oh yes.
- But I'm ready to start seeing some murders.
- Mhm.
- Alina.
- All right we're going to meet Mao,
Lina's best friend.
- Are you saying saying you missed me?
- Well I need someone to take the fall
for my petty crimes that's all.
- Oh, they are going to (beep)
- She's gonna to draw a map on her G-spot.
Listen if it takes a map for a man to find my clit.
- Hello!
- Well for me it takes more than a map.
- Oh.
- They got flame throwers.
Oh my God! Jesus Christ.
- Oh see that's chic.
- And practical.
- Can everyone do this?
- I think we'll find out.
(upbeat digital music)
- Do British people know that they sound more important?
Do they know?
Like the way we hear British?
We're like, Oh, this is classy and important.
That everything seems wise.
- Wizened and aged.
- But I know that like going to the UK, it's like
the drunkest craziest people I've ever seen.
But then on TV, it's like
he says he wants to be inside you?
- He says he's gonna de-spunk your balls
- Do they hear us and go like,
Oh it's a story about dumb, stupid, poor people.
- I think they see toothless hillbillies that are
just trying to hump each other.
(energetic techno music)
- We're about to meet Kaz,
who runs The Crow Club.
- I can't wait to see how this turns out.
- I've done a number at The Crow Club before.
- Oh yeah, yeah. Caw, caw.
- Oh see, I want to -I love this kind of thing.
I want to be in like a dusty, misty tavern where people
- Like a dirty drunk people like, Oi, or what!
- Oi, (indistinct) crikey.
- Like the hottest saloon girl,
and then when you smile
- Yeah brown slats.
- It's crazy.
- Yeah, yeah.
- (coin rings)
- (gunshot)
- Oh, wow.
- He seems like a cool dude.
- No loud noises at the table. Jesper.
- Yeah, right away boss.
- He's a little young to be a Tavern owner.
Don't you think?
- Yeah. He's a young boss.
- Worth something like 10,000 Kruge.
- I feel like we've watched them point break,
and they're just mythologizing this giant tidal wave.
The surf is like so good.
It's 50.
You get 50 meters up there and really hit,
you hit your stride.
- I don't know what they're talking about.
And now I don't know what you're talking about.
That's my issue.
- What information do you have for me tonight?
A lead on a job.
- Straight people love (beep) like this.
They love oakey smokey, old medieval life or death.
- You're not a big nerd alert?
It's not a nerd alert?
- Not in this way.
- Do you watch "The Witcher"?
- No.
- I've never played Dungeons and Dragons.
- No. I'm such a homosexual the only thing I know is,
"rah rah like a dungeon dragon".
Nicki Minaj.
(energetic techno music)
Its about to get lit,
as they encounter the Folds most scariest set of monsters,
The Volcra.
- The Scientologists.
- Blow it out!
What are you doing?
- Oh no.
Oh no.
- Oh sh-
- Whoa.
- That's what I miss about wearing like um,
you know just bare legs and open-toed shoes.
Cause I can really grab,
I could grab somebody like that with my toes.
- With your toes.
This is gonna to be the gay clubs
the first night they reopen.
- No (beep) (beep)
people on fire, jumping over board not even on a boat.
- While the DJs like,
"little dancing never killed nobody" but it did.
Oh, is that her boyfriend?
- Her best friend slash lover
- Is he gonna die?
- Don't die love, I want to bump wet parts with you.
- Okay!
- Oh my God magic! magics happening.
(energetic techno music)
- She turned Caucasian.
That doesn't work on dragons
might work on the police though.
- Just when you thought that bone couldn't get
any more shadowy.
Woo. There it is.
Whoop. Remember that one? whoop there it is.
- Of course.
(energetic techno music)
- So who actually saw what happened?
- All right so Kirigan here,
he has the power to summon shadows
and miss Lina they found out
she has the power to summon light
which was previously thought to be an extinct power.
So now the General's like,
let me just befriend this little girl.
See what's going on over here.
- Is this true?
Can you summon light?
- Oh, so this is like a really, no one has this power.
Yeah.
- Oh no.
Is he alive?
- She's going to get a chance to (beep) him.
- Uh-oh.
Oh no
Whoa.
She's shook, she didn't even know.
- You see all that hoe?
(energetic techno music)
I always love an issue like this where someone's like
I'm just a normal person.
I don't want to be a part of this revolution or whatever.
I love that.
- Yeah. Also I love it when like
the unveiling of a previously unknown superpower,
or incredible talent.
Like for example me this afternoon
when I realized I got on set and I was like,
oh my God, what are these?
I didn't know I had these huge big breasts.
- How do you not know?
You packed them this morning.
- No.
I- what am I gonna do with all this new power?
- Well, there's a big difference from this.
And now you can see the gray bra.
Literally used to be skin colored, is now gray.
My bra is the color of the inside of wings at seven 11.
(energetic techno music)
- How did you get rid of the miserable shrews?
- Alina's going to meet Genya,
and she's got the appearance altering ability
which would come in handy
- For us.
- Yeah, ghouls and goblins.
- I can't let you look terrible.
- Reading.
- Oh wow.
Oh my God.
If only.
- I need a friend like her.
- I know what she's like Dr. Zizmor.
- She could have a big career in Los Angeles.
- Oh yeah.
- This will do nicely
- Keratin treatment.
- I would have her job, her power,
but zero taste.
So I would like wave my hand to be a top scrunchie.
And they'd be like, I'd be like, "um",
and I'd be like, "yes".
That's the best power.
I don't care about summoning light.
- Yeah, (beep) that (beep).
- I wanna give myself a nose job every morning.
What if my power was summoning a beam of harsh daylight?
That's not helping anybody.
- Nina's a radical.
Thinks Grisha should get to choose if they serve the craft.
- So here we meet Nina who is a heart renderer,
who has the ability to stop or change people's hearts.
- Change a hat or hide a tag.
It's up to you.
- You're late on payment.
- Have a little patience.
- Oh. She makes them in love with her.
- Is this what it's like to be hot?
- Yeah.
- Your rent is due pay it.
You're like, but what if I don't?
And they're like, okay.
Oh my God.
- If you need the room.
- Why is this her move?
- I hate that.
- Isn't this (beep)?
This is your (beep) right?
- I- it should be this, right?
- I wish it was this.
You'll never take me alive.
(Laughs loudly)
(energetic techno music)
That has always been the funniest thing
for me about superpowers that involve a very particular
and precise gesture.
You know what the first order my mother(beep) would be?
chop that (beep) hands off.
- Chop the hands off.
- Right now.
- Yeah.
What if it's a particularly long gesture to like,
I'm going get you!
Hang on.
That's a good power.
A change of heart.
- But what if yours was like this?
- Oh, I love that.
(energetic techno music)
- We've been looking for you.
- Alina's hitching up with Marie and Nadia,
and they're going to combat training.
They're going to kick some ass.
- Pick an opponent.
- Her.
- I choose flop Tina
- Floptinta Aguilarta.
- Fight!
- Oh, she's about to whoop her ass.
- Oh my God.
Face punching?
- Oh she does, she does tiger claw.
- That seems unfair.
What's she gonna do summon a halogen light bulb?
- Blind the bish
- I guess yeah.
- My fighting abilities are absolutely expert level.
Theoretically.
How about you?
- When it comes to fight or flight
I'm definitely more of a flight,
and that flight is private.
(energetic techno music)
A classic caper trope here.
Inej and Jesper going to sneak into the castle
but they got to pretend to be circus performance.
- Relatable content.
- I love this.
I love it.
It's like us trying to get you know,
dressing up like women to go blend in and nobody knows.
- I was gonna say,
I don't think we'd have to pretend too hard
to be circus performers.
- Would you like me to juggle now?
- Yeah. Let's see what you got.
Oh my God.
That's incredible.
(applause)
- Oh my God.
Okay. This is her pretending to be in the circus?
- I know what a show off.
- She's doing pretty good.
I'd be like trying to show off.
I'd be like, I really got the hang of it, on accident.
Everybody would probably be like, yes.
Oh my God.
- Gun slinging.
- Oh my God.
- No, no.
- It's a little suspicious that they had to
pretend to have talent and,
suddenly they know how to do everything.
- I hate that they have guns in this fantasy land.
I much prefer swords, knives and things of that nature.
Even a bow and arrow.
(energetic techno music)
- Okay so Jesper and a very cute stagehand
are about to get their flirt on.
- Do you like flirting?
- I don't, but I'm so good at it.
- There's no way you're good at it.
- I'm not good at it.
- You are (beep) rotten.
- Have you met the queen?
I mean, actually I had a conversation with her?
- Can't say that I have.
- Is something gay happening?
- Yeah. They're flirting.
- The more I learned that where you are,
it doesn't matter nearly as much as who you're with.
- I love gay people,
and I love gay guys when they're about to (beep) each other.
So nice to see it on TV.
I'm 41 years old.
I'm 41 today by the way,
thank you for saying happy birthday.
And I never went most
of my life without seeing anything gay.
- What about all the sucking (beep) and (beep)?
- Sucking (beep) and (beep)?
On TV?
Not a frame.
- I'm not against the occasional light role playing.
- You know how you get your flirt on?
- I don't know.
It's hard to tell at this point.
- All about the volume.
I go you know what my secret is?
And they go, "huh",
and I lean in I get right in their ear and I go AHH
(energetic techno music)
Okay that power is cool.
- Yeah. That's cool.
- So Alina is going to demonstrate her powers
in front of everyone.
- She is going to let them have it.
- Let them have it honey.
Oh, that's amazing.
- Not bad.
- Okay that jealous bitch is shook.
- Yeah she's like, ugh.
Ooh.
- Everybody has frosted tips.
- Oh my God.
Ah, are they going to clap?
- Oh, humbled before her prowess
- Oh wow.
- Back at the party at the palace everybody's you know,
gooped up on the light.
Perfect time for someone to really try to get Alina
when she's not ready for it.
- Oh my God.
- You didn't see that coming?
I don't like what the hell?
- Oh, she's going to change his eye shadow.
(gun fires)
- Oh my God.
- No guns.
- Are you kidding me?
(energetic techno music)
- It was a decoy right right?
Oh, somebody's wearing her face.
- Oh, that makes sense.
(beep) hell.
- I love that
- Secret service, that's the job.
- We could switch for a day.
- Yeah
- I could be you,
I don't want that.
- Say tricks to get super duper famous.
(laughs loudly)
Would you have a body double?
- Yeah, I would have a body double.
- It would be like me, Elle Fanning, Dakota
- Dakota if she's yeah.
And then um.
- Margot Robbie, Lil Kim at this point
- Lil Kim, Christina Applegate
- Lil Kim, Christina Applegate,
and Jennifer Coolidge - Katey Segal
(energetic techno music)
- Perhaps you'd prefer to attend the dinner?
- Marie could manage.
- Back at the palace General Kirigan and Alina cozying up
if you know what I mean about to do the nasty.
When they get interrupted
with news of the fake Alina getting attacked.
Hello. Just like to do sex to me.
- She's about to shoot light out of that (beep)
- I know
- I'd like to meet the people who have sex
for the first time without alcohol.
Work.
- Marie and Genya were attacked in the fitting room,
Alina was the target.
- He didn't tell her.
- I know
- If somebody who was disguised as you got murdered
I would tell you.
- Would you really?
Oh, that's nice.
- Yeah.
- No time to dawdle.
- No, no
- I love this no nonsense granny.
- She's like,
I was about to get folded like a lawn chair bitch.
This is the woman who plays Madam Hooch in Harry Potter.
Work, bitch.
- He isn't a boy at all.
He is eternal.
And I'm telling you,
you must hide.
- Do you believe her?
Do you think he's telling the truth
or she's telling the truth?
- I think she's telling the truth.
I'd still (beep) him though.
- Yeah.
(energetic techno music)
- Have you ever had sex interrupted?
- Yes.
In college I had a boyfriend, and it was like a dorm
and we went to the dorm bathroom to do blowies
and the roommate walked in and I'll never forget.
It was like 3:00 AM.
And he in, his eyes got so wide
and he froze and he like left the door slowly slam.
- And were you like this?
- Literally that.
I was just like, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I felt so bad
- So sorry about what?
- Cause he walked in on nudity.
What do you think I should have said?
You like what you see?
- I've got two mouths
- I've got another mouth on the back of my head.
Oh, swipe your meal card over here, baby.
(energetic techno music)
All right.
So now that the tea has been spilled about General Kirigan,
everybody's out to take him down.
And now a magical being is going to appear to help Alina.
- I will say it is sad
that she didn't get that (beep) before she knew.
Oh, spit.
Is it literally drool?
I saw your brain go, what is that?
It's spit.
When I talk about the general, I start salivating.
He's hot.
(Kirigan shouting)
(Gun fires)
- Okay, I will say I don't love guns,
but like how spinning and styley they are in this show.
- Yeah. They're like basically boomerangs
- Its gay guns.
(creature roars)
- You had a pet bird is this kind of the same idea?
- It's pretty much the same idea.
- Yeah, now when you had to feed it
did it ever try to attack you like this?
- Yeah, what do you think happened?
- Lassie, you came home. - Rudolph
- Wow.
She's so beautiful.
- She is.
It's lovely to see a young girl come into her power.
Wait a minute.
- See they're in California.
It's the LA river.
- Come on Lumarella
(energetic techno music)
- Well
- Oh my God.
- spider and twig has everything.
- Shadow and boner.
- Shadow and Bone has everything.
- Flying gremlins, exploding hearts, changing faces
- Magical plastic surgery.
- I think I spotted some wigs.
Hand-to-hand combat.
- Yeah, we got gun-slinging, knife throwing,
and gay stable humping.
- Hot guys.
- Naked people
- Yeah, duplicitous dark generals.
A lot of different accents.
- Check out Shadow and Bone
- On Netflix
- On Netflix?
(energetic techno music)