[typing]
A lot of... things...
But not many things are so crazy that they get a game named after them.
And one of those is Crazy Gravity,
developed by Axel Meierhoefer
and released in 1996 for Windows 95 PCs.
This is one of those crazy games
I got from my crazy uncle Mark,
crazily enough,
since it was released for free as shareware.
In my child mind, he downloaded the entire Internet every Tuesday,
and one result of that was Crazy Gravity.
Like so many shareware games of its day,
it starts of with a nag screen, telling you you're a horrible person
if you like the game but don't pay for it.
Ah, but you're only horrible after 30 days, it seems.
And if you pay the requested $30 for the full game,
you'll not only gain a clear conscience,
but you'll get 18 total levels
instead of the measly three it comes with.
But anyway, registered or not, in Crazy Gravity,
you control an arrow-shaped Asteroids-inspired ship
and it's your job to locate, pick up and deliver
various boxes of cargo around each level.
If you touch anything while moving, you explode.
Except when landing,
but that has to be done at precisely the right angle and speed.
As you might expect, gravity plays a huge part,
since a simulation of that pesky phenomenon
is constantly pulling you down
and you have to deal with the consequent inertia
from your ship's thrust.
So, that's the gravity part,
but as for the crazy part,
well, I... don't even know.
The aforementioned gravity is not exactly mentally deranged,
nor is it what I would I describe as possessed by notable enthusiasm.
But it's a fun word and makes for a catchy title for a download, so why not?
And I guess the amount of crap you have to deal with is pretty crazy.
Differing types of freight, one way doors,
moving obstacles, murderous projectiles,
color-coded doors and keys,
fuel consumption,
fans that will blow you
and magnets that will suck you,
and so on.
Seeing as you can only pick up one piece of cargo at a time,
this stuff is often a threat more than once throughout each level,
so you can't simply rely on lucky maneuvers all the time.
The levels aren't timed, but there is a timer,
so if you care about high scores,
then you'll want to do things quickly.
And while you can refuel at fuel depots,
there's a limited quantity available,
so on the hardest levels, it becomes quite the challenge
to determine where to go,
in what order and at what speed.
It's heavily inspired by games like Lunar Lander,
Thrust, Gravity Force, Oids, Space Taxi,
and a crap-ton more.
So even though the concept was new to me as a kid,
it's not exactly the most original concept by any means.
But what makes Crazy Gravity special is...
Uh... hmm...
Well I guess there's the fact that I played it as a wee lad.
I mean, that's entirely subjective and nostalgia-driven,
so that doesn't exactly count for much.
Unless you're, like, my brother or something, and remember this as well,
but chances are you're not.
Unless you are, and in that case,
Wassup, dude!
I hope you haven't inhaled too many bagel fumes this week.
But anyway, there's also the fact that the game had several extra things
that enhanced it over previous offerings in the genre.
It was on Windows 95, for one,
and included all sorts of "Windows 95"-y things,
like 256-color smooth parallax scrolling,
support for your own MIDI and CD audio music,
and an interface appropriate for the then-modern OS.
It's also got a ton of customization options,
like the ability to tweak practically every part of the ruleset and physics model.
Not only that, but you got a fully-featured level editor,
allowing you to make an infinite number of levels
with all kinds of gravity, crazy or otherwise.
Still, at its core, it's just another physics-based, rocket ship puzzle game,
and other some nifty features, and a sprinkling of nostalgia,
it's nothing terribly special.
But then it never needed to be,
because it was a fun game with solid gameplay.
Not every game needs to be the second coming of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to be worth a look.
And while Crazy Gravity may be lacking in noodley appendages,
it's certainly not lacking on enjoyable dexterity and physics-based puzzle solving.
And it even works on modern 64-bit versions of Windows,
so if you wanna give it a try, just download it without much worry.
Embrace the crazy. Fight gravity.
And live life one classic shareware game at a time, man.
If you enjoyed this and would like more videos on things
without much worry,
why not check out my channel?
Subscribe if you want to, since I do videos weekly,
or give my other online locales a gander,
like Facebook and Twitter and supporting me on Patreon.
And as always, thanks for watching.