in 2001 my whole world changed I thought
I was dying my life had completely
shattered into tiny pieces of broken
glass I lost six whole years of my life
I lost my home I lost my business I lost
my marriage and I lost me to chronic
fatigue syndrome
I was completely burned out at the time
I was in my early 30s but I actually
felt more like I was a hundred and
thirty that's what it felt like every
single day it was like I've been
injected with poison my body was
shutting down my family and close
friends couldn't see behind my smile
what was going on I called it my world
so what's my world feel like I want to
take you to that place now put your
handle up here who's had flu before put
your hands up if you've had jetlag put
your hands up honestly who's had a
severe hangover to the point you'll say
you'll never ever drink again but we all
do don't we feel what that's like to
remember it the headache
the sickness everything aches in your
body you feel disconnected from life and
all you want to do is go and live
breathe in a dark room and go to sleep
and knowing after coupling
you're gonna feel better Papa nurofen
maybe an alka-seltzer and you're good to
go
well times that by 10 and 10 again and
that's what it's like to live with
chronic fatigue and also after having a
couple night sleep it never ever leaves
you it stays with you who here's a
perfectionist people please them yes
person doesn't like saying no the martyr
strives to do the best and wants more
out of life does this sound like you
could this be you so what did my life
look like before I was a very busy
person I lived my life to the full I
used to push myself I've got a bit of
spare time do you know what I do I'd
fill it and fill it again and finish
again this was me I lived off that
adrenaline loved it
bring it on give me more more more more
MORE I was a young businesswoman very
successful driven by targets lived of
chocolate any chocoholics here that was
me
living off coffee and these were my
coping strategies to live off that high
energy I'd wake up in the morning I'd
leave the house at 5:00 a.m. most
mornings her makeup suit on heels on and
off I'd go for my day raring for that
pressure to keep me running on that
adrenaline knowing that I'd come home
into the evening very late but that was
okay I enjoyed it I thrived of it I then
got married and was blessed with my two
children
Edwyn Emily life felt good I felt
complete for me and then I started to
feel that my tiredness my normal
tiredness didn't feel quite right
something was wrong I became more and
more tired
the timer's became deeper but I just
kept going on it was fine I can keep
this life going
I guess what my first warning sign came
in and I chose to ignore it because I'm
the perfectionist I can keep going on
this adrenaline so we had a family
holiday we went off to Florida and our
do tool and I had the solution 18
headache pain I had never ever
experienced in my life my head felt like
it was going to explode and I felt just
very very well we landed arrived at the
airport I was delirious I was completely
out of it next minute I remember team of
paramedics around me gave me a big shot
of injection knocked me out for two
weeks end of the holiday which returned
back home life became normal again kept
striving pushing myself guess what
happened next second warning sign and
this was a warning sign that could not
be ignored this time I went to New York
for a long weekend with my girlfriend
what do we do in New York two girls
leads party party party time
we had great fun we shocked her we
dropped we did a lot of sightseeing
still kept pushing
myself arrived back home and I
contracted a virus for three months that
never ever left me I couldn't even raise
my arm to brush my hair the pain in my
joints and muscles was excruciating the
palpitations in my heart I felt my heart
was going to explode memory loss
I couldn't string a sentence together
things were seriously going wrong and
getting worse but I didn't know what was
happening to me I would crawl on my
hands and knees out of bed to get to the
bathroom to have a shower we'd be like
pins and needles the final straw was
sitting a set of traffic lights - Mummy
Mummy Mummy wake up we're on Green
you've gotta go
so my life I'd hide away nobody could
see inside my world and nor did I want
them to two years when I eventually I
was told by a consultant you've got
depression do you know you're making
this up I believe that and I thought I
was going mad at that point but I wanted
to beat this I wasn't gonna accept that
so I did a lot of research Benchley
I went to seeing him knowledge East and
I had a diagnosis of chronic fatigue and
it was great in a funny kind of way
fantastic
we've got ants or to know what to do to
them be told the hope that I had was
taken away we don't know what to do with
you you're gonna have to live with this
the rest of your life these were dark
dark days for a long time I felt
isolated lonely in my world
nobody understood and at that point I
was going to take my life I then had a
lightbulb moment after the long dark
days and actually I'd written Emily
needed me they needed them and these two
children gave me my meaning and purpose
back in my life they kept me going
so I took action I had a choice I could
create change to my life I accepted what
was happening and thought right I just
need a magic wand that's all I need is a
magic wand to get my life back so I
became my magic wand I worked with my
positive mind not be a people pleaser
anymore nurture me much - and I also
worked my nutrition I start off every
day with the smoothie or a juice and
also work with my pacing so if I want to
do what I want to do throughout that day
I'd have it and have it again I worked
with pain management to hot and cold
showers and also worked with movement I
was in so much pain I didn't want to
move so I started with gentle walks and
built up to yoga and it was okay to go
and ask for help it's okay not to be
okay so I worked with an app and a
hypnotherapist and this all became my
magic wand life's good now I'm fit
healthy and well I'm in a really good
place I'm still rebuilding and it's hard
work but I believe in me and you can
recover
so I often tell people it's like living
on the cliff edge you've right on my
edge of that cliff edge if you drop over
that cliff edge it's a long way back up
so why do we live our lives on that
cliff edge all the time pushing
ourselves under so much pressure
we all do it it's okay to take a rest
why do we feel guilty to take a rest so
I was in Wales recently and I was
standing underneath this cliff and
looked up and thought my god that's a
long way and boy do I know it because
I've been there but actually I started
taking those steps at the other side of
the cliff and you can do it you can get
there a people to a part of my recovery
was I was so passionate about helping
other people who were going through a
similar journey that I was going through
so I decided to start from a single
little thought I started a charity
called Stella's fatigue Foundation and
along with passionate committed team we
have helped over 15,000 people start to
change their lives and know they've got
hope my other passion is about early
intervention prevention so I go into
workplaces and I help people with their
strategies giving them knowledge and
education of how to take better care of
themselves
so they don't make mistakes that I made
and burnout so who here is living 24/7
under a lot of pressure if that sounds
like you I'm giving you a thirst warning
sign today you can't sustain that take
better care of
and I'll leave you with a message today
what will you change today because it
starts with you
[Applause]