-Our next guest is a best-selling author and writer
who is currently starring in the third season of
"The Umbrella Academy," which is streaming now on Netflix.
Let's take a look.
-What are you? Their mascot?
-More like their ringer.
-Ugh!
Gross, alright?
-Please welcome back to the show Cazzie David, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪
Cazzie, welcome back!
Although, I guess not welcome back.
We've had you on the show,
but you've never been in the studio.
-No, this is my first time in front of an audience ever.
-Wow.
-Yeah, and there's, like, a lot of them.
-Yeah. You noticed right away how many,
and there's not even light on them,
but you can see their silhouettes and you can tell.
-No, this like school-play nervous,
and everyone's my crush.
-I feel like you're you have a demeanor about yourself that
people probably can't tell when you're nervous, though.
-You think so? -Yeah.
I wouldn't guess right now that you're nervous.
-I, like, asked the driver to get into an accident
so I didn't have to --
-On the way here?
So you'd have a good cover story?
-Yeah. More, yeah, just that I could die and not --
-Oh, you wanted to just -- You didn't want to be late.
You wanted to be a dead person. -I was like, "Death is fine.
Like, just slow it down."
-Well, hopefully, at the end of this,
it will feel like it was better than dying.
-Yeah. Yeah.
-So, you -- I know you live in L.A.
Your sister, Romy, who I'm lucky enough to know, as well,
lives in the city.
Do you stay with her? -Yeah.
So, I've been staying with my sister
anytime I come to New York.
And, like, the level of fighting is just unbearable,
and it's about, like, the tiniest --
This happened actually last night.
So, I'm in her bedroom, right?
We're, like, getting ready to go to sleep.
-Uh-huh.
-And I go to get myself a glass of water.
And then she calls out like,
"Hey, can you get me a glass of water, too?"
Which is fine.
Like, "Yeah, I'm going to get it anyway."
-Sure.
-So, I'm getting the water, and then she goes,
"No, can you come here and get my glass?"
-Oh.
[ Laughter ] I know.
By the way, I live with one of them.
-Yeah. I know. -Yeah.
-But I'm trying not to fight with her,
because I'm like, "I'm doing 'Seth.'
I have to have good energy." -It's her house. Right.
-I just -- I can't take it. -Yeah.
-So, I go into the room
and I hold my hand out to get her glass.
And then she gets her glass,
which is filled with water,
and she proceeds to drink it
slowly while I'm waiting there.
And then she hands it to me, and I'm like...
And that eye roll -- that was it. -Oh, yeah.
No! That's -- You know what?
Alright, so, I'm the eye-roller in my family,
and everybody acts like
the eye roll came out of nowhere.
-It's like, you made the eye roll happen.
-Yeah! The eyes were fine.
They were right here on that plane,
and then you behaved in a way that forced them to go on...
-She said, "Wow, you can't do anything for me.
It was a second. I was drinking my water."
Also, there's, like, water etiquette.
Like, if you're going to ask someone to get you water,
it has to be more convenient for them.
-Yeah.
-You have to, like, have a stomachache.
-Yeah. You have to need water.
If they have a water, you can't --
If somebody said, "Bring me a pie,"
and I came in and they were eating a pie,
I'd be like, "What's wrong with that pie?"
-It's like, how much do you need?
-How much water do you need?
-So that was -- Yeah. -Alright.
-That was one thing.
And it ended with, like, us truly yelling at each other,
like, that we wish the other wasn't even born.
-Well, so that's a similarity we have.
We are -- Sorry. We live with water tyrants.
-Yeah.
-Another thing we have in common, which is pretty cool,
my mother-in-law and your mom are in a band together.
-Yeah.
-This sounds like a joke, but it's a true thing.
-It's true.
-It's called -- The name is so good,
I kind of want to give you --
-It's hard because, like, I have trouble
talking about this to, like, a group of people,
let alone, like, on national TV.
-Yeah. Because you're a little embarrassed
about your mom's success?
Yeah.
-I'm very embarrassed about the band.
-They are -- They're a bunch of women who all play the ukulele.
And the name of the band is? -Is The Ukuladies.
And it started out as, like, a sweet hobby.
Like, it was like, "Aww!"
-Nobody was -- Nobody was a Ukulady hater early on.
-No, it was like, "Nice.
You found yourself a little thing," you know?
And then they started recruiting people.
-Yeah. -And more and more.
-And now there's just too many Ukuladies.
-And there are so many of them, and they're out of control.
I feel like we're giving them too much power
even talking about them.
-Well, my my wife sent a photo.
She knew you were on and she was like, "Oh, my God.
You should send this -- You should show this
when Cazzie's on tomorrow."
So, this is a Ukulady rehearsal, and my daughter,
my 9-month-old daughter, Addie, was at rehearsal.
And I feel like Addie might be on our side
with how she feels about these ladies.
So, there's Addie watching.
And I really think this -- So, you want to see --
This is the expression I think I give
when I walk in on their rehearsal.
-Yeah.
-It's like that's very much a face of like,
"There's a lot of Ukuladies here."
-No, the most violent thoughts I've ever had in my life
has been towards my mom's ukulele.
Like, but I feel like, you know,
if you know anyone who's over 60, just, like, protect them.
They're coming for them.
-And if you're looking to book The Ukuladies,
I think they're --
-They're really -- They will.
-Go anywhere. -Yeah.
-Yeah. -They'll do it anywhere.
-I want to talk about "Umbrella Academy."
You know, spoiler alert, if you haven't caught up,
but I'll just say it.
You died.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Really quick. -Yeah.
-Yeah. -Episode 3?
-Yeah, quick. -Yeah.
It wasn't because I was, like -- I mean, it might have --
because I was so bad, but, no, that's not why.
-No, because they write those scripts in advance.
They would have had -- -It was written before.
-But you died?
-I need to explain this, though. -Yes.
-I go to the prosthetics team, and they do a replica
of your face before you die, because there's
going to be a dummy of me dead.
And I said to them -- I said,
"You know, if you guys could just do me, like, a solid
and make me look, like, on the prettier side of dead, then --"
-Very nice. -Yeah.
Like, just, like, subtle improvements.
-So that when people see the dead version of you,
they're going to go like, "Ay-yi-yi!"
-They'll be like, "Oh, like, this young, pretty,
like, girl has perished," like a Cinderella.
-Yeah. Where you would feel great empathy and loss
by the beauty that has been taken from us too soon.
-Correct. -Yeah.
And do you feel like they did a good job?
-So, that's the thing.
I said this to them. I kind of charmed them.
I tried to make sure they would do it.
They were like, "Okay."
And then I -- You know, a little bit of the work is on me,
because they are replicating my face.
And they put the mask on me, so I tried to look pretty.
I was like -- -Right.
So while -- Oh, yeah, you were doing -- Oh, that's good.
So that was the face. -For like two hours.
-Okay, show us how.
Okay, great.
-You know, like, pretty. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was very -- That position is definitely, like, your best.
-Yeah.
So, like two weeks go by, and my friend sends me
a picture of the -- He says,
"Yo, like, your prosthetic's done."
And I said, "Oh, my God. Like, how do I look?"
And this is the image he sent me.
[ Laughter ]
And there's just, like, a lot like.
Like, so, first of all, like, obviously,
like, they're a talented prosthetics team.
-Yeah. They know what they're doing.
-But they also hate me.
Like, it's, like, not even, like, the worst-case scenario.
Like, my imagination wasn't even good enough for, like,
the worst-possible --
-Yeah. Now, I will say, in their defense,
they gave you a bangin' body.
-Yeah. No, that's -- And it was like, anywhere I went,
it was just, like, sitting there kind of.
-And then, I should note, it was on -- Your --
The dead version of you is on the show a lot.
-It's more than me alive. -Yeah.
Because they, like, keep cutting to you dead.
So, like, people in the end might, like --
Their memory of you on the show might be like this version.
-I was shocked while watching it,
because I was just like, "Oh, there's more
of this than me."
-You did get to hang out with the dead version of yourself,
and you guys seem to be having a super-fun time over there.
Yeah.
-I took this because I was so angry.
Yeah, so -- -Alright.
-But the self -- like, the --
what that photo has done to my self-image,
like, that's what I see when I think of
what I look like.
And I actually am -- When I pass by a mirror, I'm relieved.
Like, I'm like, "Oh, my God. I'm actually, like, passable.
Like, it's fine.
-You're more than passable. You're very beautiful.
The face you made is --
Obviously, you should do that one all the time.
-Yeah. -That's the best one.
Thank you so much for being here.
It's always such a delight to see you.
-Thank you for having me. -Cazzie David, everybody.
The third season of "The Umbrella Academy"
is streaming now on Netflix.
We'll be right back with more "Late Night."