so a couple of months ago I was just
sitting on my bed scrolling Instagram
like any other day
when I saw something that piqued my
interest just a plainly colored square
simply bearing the words don't assume
just asked and these four words although
brief or powerful to me as someone from
a diverse background and it really just
made me think about how we as a society
and especially as teenagers are so quick
to judge each other and just jump to
conclusions before we even have the
chance to speak to one another and
despite that we realized this we often
fail to acknowledge it writer John
Koenig describes this feeling as saunder
the realization that each random
passerby is living a life as vivid and
complex as your own but if you're
questioning this idea that we quickly
form judgments about others and then
fail to acknowledge their feelings I'd
very quickly like to test this idea on
myself so the person standing before you
is indeed me but this person is also me
so based on my appearance now and the
image before you the images before you
by a show of hands and you can be honest
I want you to raise your hand if you
think any of these things that I'm going
to say apply to me so how many of you
think that I'm confident okay
brave vain okay self-absorbed
and attractive okay thank you
all right now I would like to try
something else I'm going to say a few
things about myself and I want you to
raise your hands once again if any of
the things that I say surprise you and I
want you to keep them raised so what if
I told you that I was once a victim of
bullying or that I'm a survivor of
assault the fact that I can't swim
or that I play four instruments or even
the fact that I have embarrassingly
burned myself with Laffy Taffy very true
story or you know even the fact that I
am an identical twin cute I know thank
you and you can put your hands down
needless to say knowing very little
about me each of you were already able
to make an assumption about me and label
me as such but I questioned you did you
even think to consider how I would feel
before you raised your hand
probably not but had you had the chance
to ask me about myself maybe you might
have not been surprised by some of these
things so how exactly do we make
assumptions if this is something we're
all doing unconsciously what's the point
of trying to reduce it well this is
something I've pondered myself for the
last few months and based on my
understanding of and research on
psychology I've learned that our brain
understands different communicative
signals based on a couple of different
stimuli body language speech and facial
expression however it is facial
expression itself that is considered to
be the universal form of communication
and in fact it was Charles Darwin
himself who was the first to suggest the
in
hortence a facial expression in judgment
making in the early development of his
very well-known theory of evolution and
this was an idea further corroborated by
psychologist sylvan tompkins in his own
studies on facial expression in the
early 1960s he determined that we
associate certain facial expressions
with specific emotional states and
feelings and his findings strongly
support the idea that regardless of who
we are or where we're from we all
universally understand seven main facial
expressions joy surprise contempt
sadness anger disgust and fear
furthermore any more recent 2015 study
psychological researchers catherine
rogers and jeremy baizen's placed
strangers in a platonic speed-date
setting and it was determined that after
encountering a stranger for merely three
minutes we associate someone when we
meet them for the first time as being
simply average socially desirable or
sometimes a mixture of both and based on
the British Psychological society's
interpretation of this it seems that we
make associations based on what we have
experience of and prefer to orient
toward therefore without knowing someone
for very long we can already make
judgments about them so how does this
apply to us as teenagers why does this
matter how does this affect us directly
well I decided to bring this idea within
our community but specifically within my
own high school so with the help of my
guidance counselor a few teachers and
ten student participants I truly learned
how labels and assumptions affect our
youth so I took photos of and
interviewed my participants in their
most natural state you know
come-as-you-are
and then I ask them five basic questions
what are some negative labels people
have given you how do you feel about
yourself because of this how attractive
do you find yourself what do you believe
others first impression of you to be and
finally how does it feel when you
receive a compliment and the results of
these short interviews were shocking
actually even bringing me to tears or
shaking and having to stop the video
footage because I just could not
understand what these individuals were
saying to me and how we as teenagers
could be so evil I found that of my ten
diverse students almost all of them
mentioned at some point being called or
labeled something derogatory having low
self-esteem finding themselves
unattractively and most shockingly
valuing the opinions of others much more
highly than they valued their own and
even more shocking some of these labels
included words like ugly whitewashed
ghetto weird and so on but perhaps the
most unsettling fact what was really
really unsettling to me personally was
of my ten students six of them mentioned
that they had been bullied at some point
and they still feel lesser of themselves
because of this and yes we all
unconsciously label and yes we all
unconsciously make assumptions but this
becomes a much more big and much more
dire issue when the labeling and the
assumption making and the stereotypes
turns into physical verbal or
cyberbullying and if that's not enough
for you cyberbullying has skyrocketed in
the last decade and by skyrocketed I
mean over doubled in the last decade
this is evidence consistent with my
findings despite my initial negative
findings they
was light at the end of this deep dark
tunnel remember the last question I
mentioned how does it feel when you
receive a compliment
this was surprisingly my piece of Solace
as I interviewed the participants and
they began to open up to me I saw their
expressions change and nothing and I
mean nothing compares to the responses I
received to that last question many
smiled as they shared their experiences
and how compliments made them feel good
about themselves and so I went about
complimenting a few of the participants
myself as we discuss the positives and
that impact of a compliment it was like
I was talking to all new people their
faces lit up they smiled significantly
more and they discussed in a more
sociable and open manner so I would like
to show you a few of these participants
to your left is an image of the
participant at the very beginning of the
interview before I gave them the
compliment and to your right is an image
of the participant after receiving the
compliment the difference was everything
and so with this I propose to you a new
idea using that power of a compliment
don't assume just ask as someone about
their day and what they're struggling
with their goals and then give them a
genuine compliment but not just because
I said so
because you mean it and not just today
tomorrow next week ten years from now
forever actually the power of a
compliment is the power to change the
world and I urge you to do this in your
everyday life to use that power of a
compliment and I want you to take this
message with you for the rest of your
life
to openly communicate respect understand
and value the feelings of others don't
assume just ask because what you say
matters thank you
[Applause]