I started to I
don't like to call it suffer, but suffer from depression at a really early age
I'm 20 now and I think it started when I was about
13 or 14 and started getting worse and worse and
I never really talked about it or
yeah, I never really talked about it or
did any therapy and then there was this time I think when I was about 14, 15
when I came in contact with the wrong people and started getting into drugs and
I
did all kind of stuff and
the thing that got me most hooked is
smoking weed and there was a time where I was, I thought that
that had healed my depression and I was feeling okay with that and I was, I
thought I was happy with life... and
Then in the past two years I started to get some
symptoms I knew from the
depression and
also my
perception was
really changed a lot and I I developed this thing body dysmorphia, which is when
when a person
looks at some body parts or the face and they don't perceive it the way
other people do they just feel like there's something wrong and there were times where I
couldn't leave the house and I was staying in my room and it was all dark for days and
kept smoking weed the whole, the whole day like from the morning till the evening and sometimes I got up in the night
to do it and
still didn't realize that
exactly, this is the problem and that I hadn't healed myself in any way, but I was just
putting it somewhere down there and not thinking about it . And then
I was into meditation before
but because I also had a
pretty bad sleep and
that helped me a lot, but then my parents
got to know about Joe Dispenza and they went to a seminar and they were like, okay
I'm here with my two sisters now and I said okay if you want to do this, it's really amazing
You should try it out. I was like, yeah, okay
but I
think it was about a month ago
when I
started when I quit everything and I thought I was doing okay. And before the seminar was like, okay
I'm I'm fine. This is going to
be a nice experience, but I don't have anything to heal or I don't have anything that I need to change
anymore and
when we started doing the meditations, I felt that
there was a lot of
things and bad emotions and energy and
all these shame and
yeah, also guilt and just bad emotions stored in my in my body and I could
really feel that because during the meditations when we did the
blessing of the energy centers I
started to get this feeling when I was
thinking about the different energy centers when I started to the muscles all around it started shaking and like
releasing energy and it was like
this and
this is when I realized that something is definitely going on and something is still stored in my body and
what changed?
What for me changed the whole situations were the
three walking meditations we did
It was a process. So the first and the second and third they all did something to me and it was
releasing a lot of
bad emotions but also
starting to feel
freer and freer and
I was crying a lot and it was very intense. And then I had this moment after the last one
where I
finished a meditation then I was just standing there for a moment and I listened to some music and
again, my whole body started to shake and I was I was afraid that I would fall down because it was that
Intense and then I got these images
from.. of myself in the past with this
depression and doing drugs and everything and
normally these images would have triggered me at some point and would have
put me in a bad mood and
made me sad and everything and
there was the first time when I just looked at these images and I just felt
some kind of relief on the one hand, but also
yeah, also great. I was also feeling grateful for the new
identity that I
got during only these three walking meditations and I could just look at this as a
separate part of me and with
love
instead of shame or sadness or anger. I don't know... And I just
there was also my intention to just cut this
part out of my
life and out of my person that it's not a part of me anymore
And I can just walk into my future as a new person as a person I really am and that's when I
felt
completely free like for the first time
In years. I just never processed a lot of things and
I could just
because during the meditation I'm in this state where I'm not changing anything and I could just look at things differently not
connected to any bad emotions. I could just let it all out and like I
could have screamed I think because I was just... yeah releasing everything into the
world or in just out of my body and I think that's the...
Yeah, that was the moment when I really felt this change