♪ If you could take my pulse right now ♪
♪ It would be you just like a Thor's Hammer ♪
- Huh, wait, outfit change again.
There, much better.
Hello, roaches, and welcome back
to another hero-full episode of "Roach Plays".
We're coasting our way down to Dirty Docks today,
looking to stock up on my materials
and maybe find some secrets too,
and I've got my eyes on a precarious chest,
up on this here crane.
Chug a lug lug, remember to hydrate, roaches.
Okay, someone somewhere is having a very fun time
with a shotgun.
I just hope they don't have that fun anywhere near me
before I'm fully stocked up on weapons.
Like a silent killer, Iron Roach approaches.
To Roach. - Roached.
- You just got roached,
although I'm pretty sure you were a bot.
Man, Stark Industries is making some really life-like AI.
I'm impressed.
So Iron Man's suit is made out of nanobots, right?
What does that feel like?
Is it like just a bunch of tiny ants crawling on your skin?
Is it a bunch of tiny roaches?
Any dock dwellers wanna come out and try to fight me?
I'm itching for a scrap.
Actually, you know what I'd rather do?
Don my iron suit.
I am Iron Roach.
Iron Roach still has to build
like the rest of these plebs though.
He's not that cool.
(gun banging)
- Roached. - Down goes the Stark bot.
(gasps) What's in this little floaty box?
It's a word from today's sponsor, Dragon Raja.
You know, roaches,
sometimes Roach gets tired of playing Fortnite.
Roach just wants to be free, start a new life,
build a house, maybe become a chef,
fight some giant fantasy creatures.
I can live all of those fantasies and more
by playing Dragon Raja.
Dragon Raja is an open-world MMORPG,
with super high quality graphics, in the palm of your hand.
I lock myself in my room and spent a whole hour
in the character building menu, and once I was satisfied,
I set my new Roach identity loosen into the world.
There's snowy mountains, cozy cafes.
Heck, there's even a Battle Royale style fighting game
called Blitzkrieg.
Download Dragon Raja, the link is in the description below,
and make your dream Roach too.
And we're back.
Thanks for sponsoring, Dragon Raja.
Oh, oh, hey.
Well I could do the same to you, mister.
Oh, how the turntables. Wait.
- Roached. - You just got iron roached.
Now where is that precious shield loot?
Remember, kids, always remember to heal up
when you've got a booboo.
Hey, I was in the middle
of a very important safety announcement.
Oh, God. It's a safety hazard here.
Iron Roach from above.
(gun banging)
- Roached. - No,
I will not be hacking any of these buddies.
It wouldn't be a fair fight.
Now back to what I was doing before,
getting those sweet, sweet heals.
- My bandage cannon.
I've been looking for it everywhere.
♪ It's just other "Roach Plays" fun day ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
- Yes, sweet goodies.
What the...? More bandage cannons.
But I want damage output.
Iron Roach isn't called Iron Maiden.
He needs his pew pews and pow pows.
Quick stop at Compact Cars and then I'm heading right
for their supply drop.
Grand pappy always told me
Santa was the one who delivers those.
- And if you ain't on the naughty list,
you ain't my grandson, boy.
- Whee, who knew tires were so bouncy.
♪ He'll be getting that supply drop When he lands ♪
♪ He'll be roaching all the players with these hands ♪
♪ He'll be grabbing that supply drop ♪
♪ And heading for some action ♪
♪ He'll be grabbing that supply drop when he lands ♪
Okay, feeling pretty well prepared now.
41 players left, Iron Roach among them.
I've always wanted a pickup truck.
Iron Roach loves a good Roach trip. (laughs)
Yup, it has been a while since I made a pun.
Uh oh, we're okay, just going to slow drive
across the river, and we made it.
Yee ha.
♪ Just make it through another day ♪
(upbeat music)
Gunshots. Finally, some other players.
It's been so lonely. Don't worry, my next victim's.
Iron Roach will be with you shortly.
This looks like one heck of a battle.
Hey, let me join in. Whoops, overshot it.
Excuse me. Nailed it.
Now, to the high ground.
(gun banging)
- Roached. - Not who I was aiming for,
but that's okay.
- Try harder. Roached.
- Yes, I've gotten much better at building lately.
Okay, what did they leave behind? More ammo?
For me? Aw, you shouldn't have here.
(dramatic music)
There it is, Upstate New York.
For those of you who have never been,
this is an exact replica of what New York looks like.
What's that, Richard? I've never been to New York.
Ridiculous.
Who needs zip lines when you've got shockwave grenades
and bouncer pads?
Ah, Stark Industries, where Iron Roach was born.
Shh, don't tell anyone.
- Tony Stark is our daddy. Bee bop boo.
- Yikes, it seems like Mr. Stark
has really let the place go.
There's random brick walls, fishing rods,
weapons just everywhere.
So dirty, but you know what isn't dirty?
These gorgeous iron man suits.
Oh, but one's missing.
Is it? Is it me?
Am I the missing Iron Roach?
My build skills are unmatched.
You didn't see that coming, did ya?
(gun banging)
I'm soaring, just like the real Iron Man.
(gun banging)
I'll bust through your builds. I'm unstoppable.
- Roached. - He opened up that window
and said, "Who's there?"
And I said, "Me, Roach." Now to grab the goods.
Nothing like a big chug chug
to celebrate a successful roaching.
Mm-mm, tastes like Mountain Dew.
Sounds like a lot of fighting happening in that storm.
Those are some bold players. Oh, well, not my problem.
If they want to go toe to toe in an acid storm,
I'll just make my own way into the circle.
It's cone-arific. Cones for days.
(relaxing music)
Almost there.
While we've got a break in the action,
let's have another word from today's sponsor, Dragon Raja.
Trying to win a Victory Royale could be very stressful.
Sometimes Roach needs to relax with his baby, Roach Jr.
That's right, everyone.
I went ahead and got myself an heir.
Roach Junior was born through the magic
of Dragon Raja's heir system, and I'm here to let you know
that he'll be handling all of my finances from now on.
That's right, just by following me around in the game
and looking cute, Roach Jr. is going to be paying
all my bills.
He's going to be a star, just like his daddy,
and while Roach Jr's paying off my enormously crushing debt,
I can spend the rest of my time
taking a swing at interior decorating or, oh,
maybe I'll try my hand at some auto chess.
You roaches know I'm a master tactician.
The customization in Dragon Raja is endless,
from making your own new character,
to the outfit I was wearing, to even how casually
or intensely I want to level up in the game.
Roaches, if you want to try your hand
at this incredible open-world mobile game,
there is a link in the description below.
Download Dragon Raja today and come and hang out with me
and Roach Jr.
Okay, we're back,
and we've successfully made it into the circle.
There's only a few players left,
so this might be an Iron Roach Victory Royale.
Coasting along the edge, huh?
Like an iron statue, I wait.
Hey, watch it.
Oops.
- You've traded your building skills for shooting skills.
(gun banging)
- Oh, geez, hatching everywhere.
Where should I go to first?
Eenie, meenie.
- Roached. - Roached. (laughs)
Okay, now Iron Roach can focus on the closer bodies now.
(guns banging)
- Roached. - Your aim
is almost as bad as mine.
Anyone else here? Is it time to make another shift?
Only three players left.
Okay, roaches, we're heading up a grassy hill
to certain victory.
I can smell it, or maybe I'm just smelling the rust
on my iron suit.
I can see my house from up here
and I can see one of my last rivals.
Someone's got the Doom Gauntlets.
Okay, they're definitely brawling over there.
Darn trees in my way. I've got to get a bit closer.
That's right, fight each other.
I'll just be over here. (laughs)
(guns banging)
Uh oh, I've drawn his attention. Stay back, I say.
I'm Iron Roach. You don't know what I'm capable of.
Dang trees. Reloading.
Come on. Peek your little head out from that brick, buddy.
I just want to say hi.
(gun clicking)
The Doom Gauntlets and the Iron Man stuff?
This dude is loaded. Poor hilltop player.
Sorry, roaches, don't know what happened there.
(guns banging)
Okay, no more waiting around.
I'm running towards the danger.
Doom Guy's making a run for it, or a float for it?
(guns banging)
You'll never take me.
- Roached Royale. - What?
I won. Woo hoo.
I don't know what happened to the other player
but it doesn't matter.
I'm Roach-torious. Iron Roach cannot be stopped.
Genius Playboy billionaire serial killer. That is me.
Thanks so much for tuning into today's episode
of "Roach Plays", everyone.
See you guys next time.
(upbeat music)