So, what does it mean when you had a really good first date like nothing went crazy here and the
guy ghosts you straight after the first date? Well, in this video, I'm going to give you three
things that it possibly means and three things that you need to do if this has happened to you.
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to my channel. I'm Renee Slansky. I'm a professional dating
and relationship coach and I help women from around the world find and build incredible
love lives that they are deserving of. Now, I have done quite a lot of videos on ghosting.
For those of you that don't know what ghosting is or you're not sure if you've experienced it,
then go and check out this video here. Ghosting is basically somebody who disappears on you.
They have a date with you. They're talking to you. You feel like everything's pretty normal. And all
of a sudden, they've just vanished into thin air. Now it's obviously really upsetting when you're
dating someone for quite some time or talking to someone for quite some time and they then go and
ghost you. However, what does it actually mean if you just go on a first date and that person
decides to never speak to you ever again, and you don't really hear from them? Whilst it may
not be as bad as say being in a relationship with someone and then having them ghost you.
It's still pretty upsetting to know that that person that you dated didn't even make the time
or have the courtesy to be able to tell you why they never wanted to speak to you ever again.
So let's look at three reasons why you might've actually been ghosted on a first date. But before
I do that, don't forget to subscribe to my channel and drop a thanks Renee if this video
is helping you and to give me a big thumbs up. Okay, reason number one, it's him. Basically
ghosting is something that often has more to do with the person that is ghosting you rather than
the person that has been ghosted. So if you've had a great first date and you feel like everything
was pretty normal and then you never hear from that guy, you reach out to him, you try and get
messages and you're blocked and you basically get zero response. Then chances are he's just
not ready. Either he realized that you're not the girl for him or he's just not emotionally ready to
be able to invest further into the relationship. Either way, you have your answer about where he
is at with you and his emotions. And that should be confirmation enough to know that he's not worth
any more investment and thought time. Or number two, unfortunately it's you.
Just because you have thought that it's a great date doesn't necessarily mean that he thought
it was a great date. And being ghosted is an opportunity to basically sit back and reflect
about what role you played in the process. Now it doesn't mean that you go into victim mode and
it doesn't mean that there's something horribly wrong with you, or that you're broken. Any sort of
rejection that we get in the process of dating and just life in general is an opportunity to learn
more about why that happened and what we can do to help prevent it happen further on down the track.
Maybe there were a couple of things that you weren't aware that you were doing that actually
self-sabotaged the date that you had, hence why he didn't want to see you again. Now just because
you did something that was out of line whether it was something totally crazy or something minor,
it doesn't excuse someone's behavior of just completely ignoring you and disappearing on you.
I personally don't think that there's any reason why someone can't just send a text and say, "Hey,
it was nice to meet you, but I just don't think we're on the same page." However, we have become
a society that is lazy with communication and we always want to take the easy route out, which for
a lot of people means just cutting all contact and not even giving any explanation at all.
Okay and reason number three, it could be the circumstances.
Often in relationships if something goes awry or somebody pulls back, it's either them, you or
the circumstances. Now maybe the circumstances was something happened and they realized that
it was a major family drama or something else really popped up and that became their main
priority. And so what they've done is they've completely put all their energy into that instead
of following up with you after the first date. Now, in most cases, it isn't circumstances
because if it was circumstances, then they'd probably still be able to find time to be able
to message you and say, "Hey, sorry, I haven't been in contact. I just don't think it's the
right time." People may use circumstances as an excuse of why they haven't reached out to
you. And then they feel like it's been too much time so what's the point in reaching out to you
anyway, and then they can stop to reflect that you're not the right person for them,
or they're not ready for a relationship. In most cases, I will say it's either point
number one or point number two, it's either you or him. However, in very few cases it can actually be
circumstances as well. So what is it that you need to do? Well, there are three things that
you need to take away from this experience. And before I tell you what they are, I just want to
say this. If you have been ghosted constantly like you find that this is a recurring sort of pattern
happening in your dating life, then there's a reason why that is happening. You're either
dating the wrong person or you're doing the wrong thing. And so what I've done is I've actually put
together a free training or free masterclass for you girls out there called Why Love Sucks for You.
And this is for any woman who feels that you're going around and round in circles
and you don't really know why. You're stuck. Okay? You feel like you're putting in effort into your
love life. You're trying, but you're having the same battles come up over and over again.
This training masterclass is unlike any other one that I've done before.
And I really believe it is going to give you clarity on why you're currently sucking at love
and why you are stuck. So check it out. You can either click the link up above or the link down
below. I've got all my other free trainings and everything in the bio down below as well.
Okay, so what do you need to do if you do get ghosted after the first date? The first thing is
this. Remember that dating is a process to get to know somebody's character. And if you can realize
that the first date isn't necessarily indication that you are going to know everything about that
person, it helps relieve the pressure and place a more realistic expectation on that first date.
What we can tend to do is we can get really excited about going on a date with someone,
especially if you've met on a dating app, you've had a couple of conversations and then finally
the moments are right to meet face-to-face. There's some butterflies there. Maybe there's
some chemistry and we wanted to work out. Okay? We don't go on dates because we don't want it to work
out. We go on dates because we want it to work out and we're hoping that it eventually leads to love.
However, you literally know this much about someone from a first date and you
need to remember that getting to know someone's character is something that's going to happen
over time. And if they've decided to actually ghost you on the first date,
then the truth is you've gotten to know enough about who they are and where they're at to decide
that they are no longer worth your investment. There's absolutely no point in trying to get
answers from them or try and dig up more about who they are. Somebody ghosting you after a
first date and not even having the courtesy to be able to text you and say, "Hey, I don't want
to see you again" should be indication enough they are not the right person for you and that
you need to just move on. Which brings me to point number two. The next thing you need to do is you
need to make sure that you don't go searching for answers. The reason not why ghosting is so
unnerving and makes us anxious is it's because it feels like we don't have the closure that
we deserve or that we want for why that person just literally disappears on us.
It's like, "Come on. How hard is it to just say, 'Hey, I don't want to see you again.' Is it
something that I did? Are you not ready? Just give me some access." As humans, we crave certainty
because certainty gives us some sort of sense of control and direction. However, in this instance,
you already have the certain outcome of this person that you were dating. And that
is that it's not meant to be. Therefore, your closure is in the act of what they had done,
not necessarily in the answers that you seek of why they have done it in the first place.
Okay, and lastly, number three. Speaking all the closure, this is an opportunity to just close the
chapter on that date and that person, and be able to move forward. Don't go and keep talking about
it in conversations. "Oh, that guy kept ghosting me or that guy ghosted me after the first date."
Every time you keep focused on it because maybe you still feel you don't have closure,
you're still confused about it. You are magnifying that incident and therefore you're blocking other
opportunities from coming into your love life. Closure is a choice. You need to be able to just
decide, "Okay, I know enough to be able to know that this person is no longer worth my
mental, emotional investment. Not worth my time. So therefore I am going to choose
to move forward. I'm going to choose to not speak about it. I'm going to choose to not
focus on it." And I'm going to choose to put my energy into maybe things that can help you
avoid being ghosted later on whether that is love education like watching one of my trainings,
where that is working on some of the things within yourself to become a more datable woman. I've got
a guide on that down below as well or whether it is just being able to identify which man
actually is ready and emotionally available. Either way, we always have a choice whenever
we have an incident like this happen in our life. And if you're able to choose
to put your energy into building the new rather than trying to resurrect the dead from the old,
then you're going to have a much better opportunity and a much better outcome if you're
putting your energy into something more positive. Well, ladies, I hope that that gave you a little
bit of peace and it gave you some answers to why you were ghosted on the first date. Unfortunately,
it is something that is really, really common. Statistically speaking, men actually get ghosted
more than women. So let's not just blow things out of proportion. Either way, it sucks. And
I've done another video on what to do if a ghost actually does come back into your life and wants
to reconnect. So check that out there as well. And I will see you guys and girls next time.
Don't forget to subscribe. Give me a thumbs up. Check out all of my free trainings,
especially that brand new masterclass. And I'll see you guys soon. Bye for now.