>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M HERE WITH THE WONDERFUL JENNIFER LAWRENCE.
JENNIFER, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE WITH ME TONIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO INTERVIEW YOU A
FEW TIMES, AND WHILE YOUR WONDERFUL COMPANY, ONE OF THE
WITH HAVING ONE OF THESE SHOWS IS YOU DON'T REALLY GET TO KNOW
THE PERSON THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO BECAUSE YOU'RE OFTEN TALKING
ABOUT THEIR PROJECT-- >> GETTING THEM DRUNK.
>> Stephen: GETTING THEM DRUNK.
BUT I NEVER REALLY GET TO KNOW MY GUESTS.
SO WHAT WE DID HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW"" UP IN OUR LABS, UP ON THE
14th FLOOR, MY SCIENTISTS CAME TOGETHER WITH 15 QUESTIONS
THAT WHEN ASKED REVEAL NOT ONLY TO ME AND THE AUDIENCE BUT TO
THE PERSON BEING ASKED THE QUESTIONS WHO THEY TRULY ARE.
AND I WAS WONDERING WHETHER I COULD GIVE YOU THE COLBERT
QUESTIONERT.
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
♪ ♪ ♪ OKAY, READY?
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: FIRST QUESTION: JENNIFER LAWRENCE,s WHAT IS
THE BEST SANDWICH?
>> A CUBANO.
>> Stephen: OH, THAT'S NICE.
NICE.
( APPLAUSE )
THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW OUT?
>> UHM...
UHM...
>> Stephen: TAKE YOUR TIME.
>> WOW.
UHM...
WELL, ROTTEN ONIONS?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: SOME ROTTEN LETTUCE?
>> NO, ONIONS.
I'M PICTURING MY KITCHEN ISLAND, AND THEY COULD GO.
>> Stephen: YEAH, SURE.
THAT'S NOT THE MOST DARING CHOICE.
I THINK IT'S SAFE.
I THINK THAT'S SAFE.
I THINK IT'S A SAFE CHOICE TO MAKE.
>> I DON'T WANT TO THROW ANYTHING ELSE AWAY.
IF I HAD TO?
>> Stephen: SOME PEOPLE ARE PACK RATS.
THEY KEEP TOO MUCH STUFF.
>> I LIKE EVERYTHING I HAVE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD.
WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?
>> A MONGOOSE.
NOT A MONGOOSE.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU A SNAKE?
WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF MONGOOSES?
>> HONEY BADGER.
>> Stephen: OH, THE HONEY BADGER, SURE.
THEY'RE TOUGH.
>> WELL, A SHARK.
SORRY.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE HERE.
A SHARK?
>> NO, I THINK A SHARK IS SCARIEST.
>> Stephen: SHARK IS SCARIEST.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A SHARK IN THE WILD?
HAVE YOU SEEN A SHARK IN THE WATER?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO TELL?
>> I WENT SHARK DIVING IN A SHARK CAGE ONE TIME AND TRIED TO
JUMP OUT BECAUSE THERE WERE JELLYFISH IN THE SHARK CAGE.
>> Stephen: SO IT WASN'T THE SHARK.
IT WAS THE JELLYFISH.
SO THE JELLYFISH WERE SCARER TAN THE SHARK.
>> THAT WAS LIKE AN IMMEDIATE OUCH!
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET STUNG?
>> NO, AND I DIDN'T GET EATEN.
>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?
>> ORANGES.
>> Stephen: MMM...
>> APPLES.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE NO WRONG ANSWERS.
>> ORANGES CAN BE A LITTLE BIT MORE CONSISTENT THAN APPLES?
>> Stephen: THIS IS TRUE.
FAVORITE SMELL?
>> UHM...
FAVORITE SMELL?
GOD, NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT ONIONS.
ONGUNS AND GARLIC AND BUTTER.
>> Stephen: GARLIC AND BUTTER.
>> ONIONS, GARLIC, AND BUTTER.
>> Stephen: THAT IS GOOD.
LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL?
>> UHM... POOP?
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS THAT?
>> MILDEW.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT-- THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID.
THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID MOST-USED APP ON YOUR PHONE.
>> OH, GOD.
I HATE THE ANSWER, BUT TIKTOK.
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
DO YOU DO THE TIKTOK?
>> SOME TIKTOKERS IN HERE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU DO THE TIKTOKS?
>> NO, I DON'T MAKE TIKTOK S.
>> Stephen: WHY NOT?
>> OH, MY GOD.
YOU CAN IMAGINE?
OH, MY GOD.
NO.
>> Stephen: NO.
>> NO!
>> Stephen: WHY?
PEOPLE WOULD WATCH.
>> I KNOW!
( LAUGHTER )
>> OH, I COULDN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN GOD'S BABIES.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
YOU ONLY GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,
WHAT IS IT?
>> UHM...
UHM...
I CAN'T ANSWER THAT.
HOW DO YOU ANSWER THAT?
>> Stephen: WHAT?
CAREFULLY.
( LAUGHTER )
GOD IS LISTENING.
>> LIKE A MIRANDA LAMBERT SONG, PROBABLY.
>> Stephen: THAT NARROWS IT DOWN.
>> LIKE "HOLDING ON TO YOU" MIRANDA LAMBERT.
>> Stephen: DOZEN.
>> WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF.
>> 64.
>> Stephen: NO.
DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.
>> HOPEFULLY NOT TOO SHORT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
TOO SHORT!
THAT'S SO POETIC!
>> Stephen: JENNIFER LAWRENCE, EVERYBODY.
YOU ARE KNOWN.
THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BACK.