MY FIRST GUEST IS AN ACTOR, AUTHOR, AND WOODWORKER.
HIS NEW BOOK IS "GOOD CLEAN FUN: MISADVENTURES IN SAWDUST AT
OFFERMAN WOODSHOP."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW, NICK OFFERMAN.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> THAT'S A NICE PIECE.
>> Stephen: THAT IS A NICE PIECE WE HAVE OVER THERE, ISN'T
IT?
LOOK AT THAT LOVELY LADY OVER THERE.
>> NICE JOINERY.
>> Stephen: FOR THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T JOIN US LAST TIME NICK
WAS ON.
THAT'S THE END TABLE HE MADE TO HAVE ON SET HERE.
IT'S GORGEOUS.
AND STURDY, TOO, STURDY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I WOULDN'T-- I WOULDN'T TRUST ANY END TABLE YOU
COULDN'T STAND ON.
>> NO, YOU COULD PARK A PRIUS ON THAT THING.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: BUT WOULD YOU?
>> I WOULD NOT.
>> Stephen: NO, YOU WOULD NOT.
WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> THANK YOU, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: QUICK QUESTION ABOUT THE BEARD CAN WE?
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: IS THAT TOO PERSONAL?
>> NO, BRING IT ON.
>> Stephen: FOR SOME MEN, GROWING A BEARD YOU HAVE TO BE
PATIENT.
IS HAVING A BEARD NOT A DECISION FOR YOU?
HAVING A BEARD, YOU'RE SO ASSOCIATED.
>> THANK YOU.
I HATE SHAVING IS I GUESS THE SHORT OF IT.
>> Stephen: JUST THE FACE?
>> YES, JUST THE FACE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: BECAUSE THAT'S MY FAVORITE PART TO SHAVE.
EVERY PLACE ELSE IS A PAIN.
THEN YOU PUT THE AFTER-SHAVE IN AND IT STINGS LIKE HELL, MAN.
IT STINGS.
ANYWAY, THANKS VERY MUCH, THANKS VERY MUCH.
>> NO, IT'S MY PLEASURE.
I LIKE TO PRESENT MYSELF AS MOTHER NATURE INTENDED.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
CAN'T DO THAT ON CBS, I'M AFRAID.
NOW, I'M A CUBS FAN UPON YOU'RE A CUBS FAN.
SERIOUS IS TIED UP.
WE'RE TAPING THIS BEFORE THE GAME TONIGHT.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: IN L.A.
HOW ARE YOU HANDLING THE STRESS?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVE-- I HAVE A COMPART MENTALLIZATION
SYSTEM.
LIKE, WHEN I ALLDITIONED FOR THE ROLE OF IRAN SWANSON, IT TOOK
FIVE MONTHS TO GET THE JOB, SO FOR THAT FIVE MONTHS I HAD TO
PUT THAT INFORMATION IN THIS DRAWER THAT-- THAT'S NOT
ATTACHED TO A MOTION.
SO I KNOW THAT SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN IN THE COMING WEEKS THAT
WOULD BE VERY GOOD FOR MY BASEBALL TEAM.
BUT I-- I'M NOT ATTACHING EMOTION TO IT.
AND -- >> WHEN DO YOU ATTACH THE
EMOTION TO IT?
( LAUGHTER ) YOU'VE LOVED AND LOST, IS WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING.
AND NOW YOU'RE AFRAID TO FEEL.
>> I SUPPOSE SO.
( LAUGHTER ) I'VE-- I'VE BECOME INURED TO
FEELING.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU STAY SO ZEN ABOUT THIS?
YOU HAVE A SEN SAY, RIGHT?
YOU DEDICATE SOME OF THIS TO YOUR SENSE.
>> I HAVE A TEACHER-- SENSE MEANS TEACHER IN JAPANESE, IN
THEATER SCHOOL-- >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT A LOT
OF PARENTS SAY WHEN THEY FIND OUT THEIR KIDS ARE GOING TO
THEATER SCHOOL.
"WHERE IS YOUR SON?" "IN THEATER SCHOOL-- HA-HA."
>> IN THEATER SCHOOL IN CHAMPAGNE, ILLINOIS, THERE WAS A
GENTLEMAN WHO TAUGHT TEA CEREMONY, AND BLACK INK
PAINTING.
I DON'T KNOW HOW HE ENDED UP IN CHAMPAGNE, BUT WE WERE LUCKY TO
HAVE HIM.
AND HE AND I REALLY HIT IT OFF.
I WOULD HELP HIM IN HIS GARDEN AND HE WOULD TEACH ME ABOUT
ZEN-- HE BLEW MY MIND.
WE WERE PULLING WEEDS AND HE SAID THE NOTION TO PULL WEEDS IS
THE SAME THING THAT CAUSES US TO GO TO WAR.
AND I SAID ( INHAILS )
PLEASE-- PLEASE ELABORATE.
AND HE SAID, "YOU KNOW, WE WANT OUR GOOD SPROWTS TO SURVIVE AND
RECEIVE ALL THE NUTRIENTS AND THE SUN, AND WE WANT TO KILL THE
BAD SPROWTS THAT ARE TAKING ALL OF OUR OIL AND SO FORTH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: DID YOU FIND A WAR
HAWK ZEN MASTER?
THAT DOESN'T SOUND NECESSARILY ANTIWAR?
>> HE IS-- HE IS EYE WONDERFULLY SWEET ARTIST.
AND HE WAS SIMPLY -- >> WHO WILL KILL YOU IF YOU TRY
TO TAKE HIS OIL.
>> THAT MAY HAVE BEEN MY PARAPHRASING OF HIS LESSON.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> HE MARRIED MEGAN AND I WITH A TEA CEREMONY.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT'S DELIGHTFUL.
>> HE GAVE ME SOME OF THE GREATEST LESSONS OF MY LIFE THAT
I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL LATER WOULD JUST ALWAYS STICK WITH ME.
AND IT'S A LOT OF WHAT THIS BOOK IS ABOUT.
WOODWORKING FOR ME IS WHERE I CAN ALWAYS MAINTAIN THE ATTITUDE
OF A STUDENT, WHICH IS WHAT HIS GREATEST LESSON TO ME EVER WAS.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO FIND OUT ABOUT THAT.
WE'LL TAKE A COMMERCIAL BREAK AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE
BOOK AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT WOOD.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE NICK OFFERMAN.
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪