NOW JUST OVER THERE A SECOND AGO I WAS SAYING THAT DESPERATE
REPUBLICANS ARE LOOKING TO REPLACE DONALD TRUMP AT THE TOP
OF THE TICKET.
BUT REALISTICALLY, WHO COULD THEY TURN TO?
WHOEVER THEY PICK WOULD HAVE TO BE HAWKISH ON NATIONAL DEFENSE,
FRIENDLY TO WALL STREET, AND IS DESPISED BY LIBERALS.
YEAH, OKAY.
( APPLAUSE ) ADMITTEDLY-.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SHE FITS THE BILL, BUT SHE'S
SPOKEN FOR.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, TRUMP'S GOT A NEW NICKNAME FOR THIS WOMAN.
>> WHY DID HILLARY GET RID OF HER MIDDLE NAME?
HUH?
HILLARY?
NO, BUT WHY DID SHE GET RID OF IT,
HILLARY "ROTTEN" CLINTON.
"ROTTEN" CLINTON.
HILLARY "ROTTEN" CLINTON.
MAYBE THAT'S WHY.
IT'S TOO CLOSE.
>> Stephen: HA-HA-HA.
HOW DOES HE DO IT?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
Y WHICH I MEAN, SLEEP AT NIGHT?
( APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ HILLARY ROTTEN CLINTON.
AND SEVERAL TOP REPUBLICANS, LIKE CONGRESSMAN RICHARD HANNA
AND G.O.P. FUNDRAISER MEG WHITMAN HAVE JUST ANNOUNCED
THEY'RE GOING TO VOTE FOR HILLARY CLINTON.
SO IT'S CLEAR THE G.O.P.
ESTABLISHMENT IS NOT PLEASED DONALD TRUMP, BUT ON THE OTHER
HAND, HE CAN'T STAND THEM EITHER.
FOR INSTANCE, SENATOR McCAIN HAS PROMISED THAT HE WILL SUPPORT
THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE, DESPITE TRUMP SAYING THIS:
>> HE'S NOT A WAR HERO.
HE WAS A WAR HERO BECAUSE HE WAS CAPTURED.
I LIKE PEOPLE THAT WEREN'T CAPTURED.
( BOOING ).
>> Stephen: I KNOW, BUT IT REALLY BRINGS YOU BACK TO A
SIMPLER TIME...
WHEN THAT STATEMENT WAS SHOCKING.
( APPLAUSE ) DESPITE THAT, McCAIN ENDORSED
TRUMP.
BUT DESPITE THAT, YESTERDAY, TRUMP SAID THIS:
>> I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE WITH JOHN McCAIN BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS
FELT THAT HE SHOULD HAVE DONE A MUCH BETTER JOB FOR THE VETS.
HE HAS NOT DONE A GOOD JOB FOR THE VETS."
>> Stephen: OH, MY LORD, THAT IS BELOW THE BELT.
WHICH ISN'T HARD, BECAUSE AT 79, McCAIN'S BELT SUPAROUND HIS
ARMPITS.
I'M GOING TO GET YOU.
COME HERE, COME HERE, MISTER!
COME HERE!
NOW-- HIS BELT IS UP AROUND WHERE A PROM DRESS SITS.
NOW, PAUL RYAN WAS SLOWER TO ENDORSE DONALD TRUMP THAN MOST.
BACK IN MAY, HE SAID" >> I'M JUST NOT READY TO DO THAT
AT THIS POINT.
I'M NOT THERE RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: YES, HE WASN'T THERE HE WAS IN HIS HAPPY PLACE,
FANTASIZING ABOUT PRESIDENT HARAMBE.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT, EVENTUALLY, RYAN DID THROW
HIS SUPPORT BEHIND TRUMP AND THEN THREW UP A LITTLE IN HIS
MOUTH.
BUT, YESTERDAY TRUMP REWARDED THAT ENDORSEMENT WITH A RINGING
NUT PUNCH SAYING, "I LIKE PAUL, BUT I'M JUST NOT QUITE THERE
YET.
I'M NOT QUITE THERE YET."
OUCH!
OH!
WORKING THE BOYS LIKE A SPEED BAG DOWN THERE.
USING PAUL RYAN'S OWN WORDS AGAINST HIM.
THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO TAKE DOWN YOUR POLITICAL OPPONENT, WHICH
FOR TRUMP, IS NOW EVERYONE.
HERE FOR SOME IN-DEPTH ANALYSIS ON TRUMP'S CHILDISH LAUGHING OUT
AT HIS OWN PARTY, PLEASE WELCOME TRUMP CAMPAIGN
SENIOR JUNIOR STRATEGIST, TIMMY JENKINS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TIMMY.
TIMMY.
AS ALWAYS, TIMMY, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.
>> YOUR PLEASURE, STEPHEN COLD-SORE.
>> Stephen: OK, GOING TO LET ONE PASS.
NOW, YOU ARE THE MASTERMIND BEHIND DONALD TRUMP'S
CAMPAIGN STRATEGY, CORRECT?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
DURING THE PRIMARIES, I WAS THE BRAINS BEHIND THOSE POWERFUL
NICKNAMES: "LYIN' TED," "LITTLE MARCO," "BOOBY JINDAL."
>> Stephen: "BOOBY JINDAL?" I NEVER HEARD THAT ONE.
>> YEAH, HE DROPPED OUT BEFORE WE COULD USE IT.
BIGGEST REGRET OF THE CAMPAIGN.
BUT I'M EXCITED NOW FOR LATEST INVENTION: SWITCHING FROM
"CROOKED HILLARY" TO HILLARY "ROTTEN" CLINTON.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS YOU?
>> YEAH.
IT WORKS ON SO MANY LEVELS.
>> Stephen: IT ACTUALLY ONLY WORKS ON ONE LEVEL, TIMMY.
CALLING YOUR OPPONENTS NAMES IS ONE THING, BUT THROWING PAUL
RYAN'S OWN WORDS BACK IN HIS FACE?
DOESN'T A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE HAVE TO BE MORE MATURE THAN
THAT?
>> DOESN'T A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE HAVE TO BE MORE MATURE
THAN THAT?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: TIMMY, PLEASE.
I'M TRYING TO HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION.
>> I'M TRYING TO HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION.
>> Stephen: STOP IT!
>> STOP IT!
>> Stephen: I MEAN IT!
>> I MEAN IT!
>> Stephen: I'M A BIG DORK!
>> NOW, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT ( LAUGHTER )
HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT, STEPHEN COLD-BALLS.
>> Stephen: TIMMY, SERIOUSLY.
OKAY, THE LAST FOUR OR FIVE DAYS HAVE BEEN THE ROUGHEST I CAN
RECALL FOR ANY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE.
TRUMP IS DOWN IN THE POLLS, PARTY LEADERS ARE DISCUSSING
REPLACEMENTS, REPORTS ARE THAT MORALE WITHIN THE CAMPAIGN IS
PLUMMETING.
DOESN'T ANY OF THAT MAKE YOU QUESTION WHETHER YOUR BULLYING
STRATEGY IS WORKING?
>> DOESN'T YOUR FACE MAKE YOU QUESTION WHETHER YOUR BUTT IS
WORKING, STEPHEN COLD-BALLS?
>> Stephen: YOU ALREADY USED THAT ONE.
>> OKAY, LISTEN, I KNOW.
WE NODE TO TALK FOR A SECOND, MAN-TO-FARTKNOCKER?
>> Stephen: GO AHEAD, SURE.
>> I'M IN OVER MY HEAD, MAN.
I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE FUN, YOU KNOW, SHARE SOME LAUGHS,
DESTROY THE G.O.P., MAYBE BAN AN ENTIRE RELIGION FROM THE
COUNTRY.
BUT TRUMP'S OUT OF CONTROL.
>> Stephen: WAIT, TIMMY, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
>> THAT GUY IS TOO CHILDISH TO BE PRESIDENT.
I'M VOTING FOR HILLARY!
COOTIES BE DAMNED!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: TIMMY JENKINS,
EVERYBODY.
WOW!
>> I'M WITH HER, BUTT-LICKERS!
>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN CENA.
STICK AROUND.