Every thought you build is a real living thing,
it has energy, it's firing energy. So if I take this toxic worry and I say,
“ok, keep quiet, you're in a box, I'm not going to deal with you
and you discipline yourself not to think about it, and by the time 6 o'clock tonight
comes 12 hours later, that thing's lost energy.
Now, even a long term memory can be reconceptualized,
and that means, so let's say,
for example, someone sees the glass half empty and they've just been in that and it's just like,
oh, these people just always going to see the negative first,
every business meeting, they just always see the negative.
But that person can change, they became an expert in being negative,
but they can actually unwire that, they can get to the point
where it's a lot of work, you've got to go through the pain of doing it,
which people don't want to in this day and age and that's something we should maybe discuss,
but you can change that and reverse that process. So why does someone see the glass half empty
and why do I say we can change it? I don't believe in the happiness industry
where you can go and get something and put it in and suddenly you’re happy.
I don't believe in positive affirmations, they’re bandaids,
you've got an issue, you slap with a positive affirmation, it’s not going to fix anything.
What we have to look at is, why am I saying the glass is half empty?
We all know when you're around someone negative,
it can impact you because they are generating toxic photons and whatever.
So by looking at the response in the feedback, they make a choice,
that's the initial start process. So once I recognize,
“ok, “I need to do something”, it's either the feedback from people or,
“I can't go on like this anymore, I’m burning out stress wise, I’m getting sick”,
because there's a relationship between chronic ongoing inflammation
and physical illnesses in your body, which I've just done research on now
and the mind stuff and how you can change that. So what a person does first is awareness,
it's embracing it, either from feedback or from, “I can't go on like this anymore”.
So there's some level of awareness I've got to embrace.
Step number one, embrace, acknowledge, it's all the same thing.
I've got to get to the point where I'm going to do that
and it that is the choice, “ok, I want to change,
I don't want to have this feedback anymore, I want to improve my relationship,
I don't want to keep living a life where I'm always worrying,
or always anxious, it's making me sick, which it does”.
So that's the first step, embrace, acknowledge and choose.
Then you've got to go through a very painful process of processing.
And that is a process of, why do I do this? Why am I always negative?
And it's a process, it's an exercise where you literally go through
five steps for thirty minutes a day. And I always recommend to my patients
and my research has shown, stick around 30 minutes,
even 45 five minutes is pushing it because it's heavy stuff.
When you start digging into trauma or dealing with your toxic habits,
it's very draining, so you've got to limit that. Otherwise the whole day becomes
this big emotional wash out and you become very, “I” focused,
which is very unhealthy for your heart. The more times you say, “I, me, and mine”,
you're going to increase your chance by 42 per cent
of having a cardiovascular event in the next 12 months.
Why is that? Because, “I, me and mine”,
- pressure is all on you, It's on me, you putting
it inside, you’re focusing on yourself, you go round in circles, you don't get perspective
and you've got to have interaction with others, you've got to have deep, meaningful relationships.
So the more self focused you become, the more your heart becomes strained.
Your blood vessels start going, your body goes into toxic stress,
your blood vessels around your heart constrict, you reduce oxygen and blood flow to your brain
and you set yourself up for cardiovascular event. So the more you are, “I, me, mine, myself” or
,”I” isolation, individualism, the more you're going to die,
which is what we think. The five steps are, first of all, gather.
That's a big word for embrace, acknowledge. Embrace that you have an issue,
kind like you know, your first acceptance that there is an issue.
What's the second one? Second one is you've got to reflect.
It's a deep reflection, it's a process, this is the most painful part.
It's like a surgeon will say, I have a lot of doctor friends
and they'll say that they've got to first cut of the patient to heal them.
So you've got to go through the pain before, got to hurt you, to heal you.
This whole process is hard, I'm not lying,
it's good and it's and it takes time. It's going to take cycles of 21 days.
So the second process is deep reflection where you are basically trying to track
back to not necessarily bad, but why am I doing this?
Are you studying your trends? You're looking at your trends or patterns,
so the first thing to start is to take a look at this,
“I'm depressed, this is an emotional warning signal,
my body's got physical warning signals”.
So you're embracing the emotional and physical warning signals from
the environment and from yourself. You are then thinking about this,
“okay, so why am I always negative?” “Why am I always depressed?”
“Why are anxious?” And as you go through
that process of self reflection, you're getting to the point where
you just want get to the point, every day it is a little bit,
to the point where you find, this is at the end of 21 days, you see,
“oh, I'm anxious because I'm actually trying to be a perfectionist,
I'm trying to control everything in my environment and it's not quite working”,
or maybe it's because there is are trauma that you've never dealt with,
you've kept yourself so busy trying to suppress the trauma,
whatever it's going to be different for everyone. There is a pattern,
it's different for each person, our genomex is unique, our ”I” factor is unique.
Gather, than you have reflect, pain, what’s the third?
Then the third thing is, we've got to genetically process.
So what we've got to do, you've got to make your brain do stuff, we could write.
The third process is write. When you write your clearing out a lot of,
and when I say write, it's like literally throw it on the page
because you'll see my sequence that I've developed,
you literally spend a minute and a half to two minutes doing each of these.
So you would gather for a minute and a half, you would reflect for a minute and a half,
you would write four ‘minutes and a half, a little bit longer if you want to,
and then you would recheck. Now, recheck is a process where you go back
and look for your patterns, your triggers, your, “what does this mean?”
So if you think of it, I've become aware of something going on,
negative thoughts, half glass, worry, anxiety, or whatever,
I am reflecting why am I feeling, I'm starting to get to the root,
only a minute and a half and you must move on.
You writing that down, it’s maybe a bunch of jumble that you’ve done,
you reach it, look at your jumble and try to get some level of order.
Then as you get that level of order you say, “ok, what's my little tiny task for today?”
And it may be simple as, ”when I feel this anxiety coming on,
I'm going to compartmentalize it and I'm going to only worry about it
tonight at six o'clock”. It could be a simple statement like that.
That's number four leading to number five. So number four is recheck.
So I see that I'm always worrying in certain situations,
but in a minute and a half is only a little bit of information you've gathered,
which is the point, you must only get a bit of it every day,
not everything every day, Rome was not built in a day,
it's little things, change over time. We try and fix it quickly,
you can get there, it's a process, you have to dig it out of your unconscious,
it's a deep investigative detective process that you're doing.
So let's say now that you start seeing, “ok, I'm worrying because of this one negative,
and I'm starting to get a glimpse of, well, maybe it could be this or maybe that,
so what can I do today as a little activity?” So it’s step five, active reach.
An active reach is when I see the worrying thing.
I just wake up and I’m worrying, it’s like I'm stuck, so I say,
”ok, I'm aware that I'm worrying and all I’ve worked out today,
so cool what is my active reach?” As I worry, as it
hits me in the face, I'm going to say, “ok, this worry, I can't deal with it now,
I'm going to deal with it tonight”. “So now it's six o'clock in the morning,
I'll deal with at six o'clock tonight”. Prioritizing your worries.
It is that and also what happens is you take the energy away from the worry.
Now you must remember that, well, I haven't even told you this much clearly,
but every thought you build is a real living thing,
it has energy, it's firing energy. So if I take this toxic worry and I say,
“ok, keep quiet, you're in a box, I'm not going to deal with you”,
and you discipline yourself not to think about it, and by the time six o'clock tonight comes twelve
hours later, that thing's lost energy. So the science is that whatever you
don't think about won’t grow, whatever you think about grows.
So these things feed on energy. So if I keep thinking about that all day long,
I'm getting myself in a toxic mist, you get stuck. That's why we have to deal with trauma,
we have to deal with our habits because they keep us stuck,
we've got to get them out and change them. So if I put that by the end of the evening,
this thing is lost worry, Or even tomorrow, once a week,
you can have your little worry book. Maquis talks about having it, my husband,
he has like a little worry book and Thursday afternoon at four o'clock,
worry book time, everything goes in there, he allows himself one day a week
to worry about it.
And by the time he gets there it doesn't happen anymore.
Now, what's happening scientifically is that research shows that
95 per cent of our worries don't materialize anyway.
So by the time we get there in the afternoon or next week
or whenever it is that you decide to worry, you actually lost its power over you.
The whole thing here is embrace the emotional warning signals,
it's one of the biggest things that I told all my patients and I say all the time,
listen to the emotional and physical warning signals
of your body, which I have been doing in my clinical research as well,
face the issue, deal with it, use the signals that are coming,
the feedback, the emotional ones, the physical ones, and make the changes.