Did you know that narcissists are emotional
bullies. That's what they are. And by the end of this video, you're going to know exactly
how they bully, what their favorite go-to tactics are and what you can do about it.
Hi, I'm Rebecca song and I've been recognized as one of the top 1% of attorneys in the country,
and I've written two best-selling books, Negotiate Like You Matter and Breaking Free:
A Step-by-step Divorce Guide, and I've helped millions of people through this channel
go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos, and I've guided them and supported them
into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose and I do the same thing for you. So
go ahead and hit that subscribe button, hit that notification bell and that way you'll get notified
when I upload brand new content, when I go live, when I have events and all of that, so that you
don't miss out on one single step of how to break free from that narcissist in your life.
They use a number of tactics to bully you. And the reason why narcissist bully is because it makes
them feel better. They want to feel superior. It's really, really important for them to devalue you,
make themselves feel better. Some are more overt about it than others, but all narcissist bully.
Covert narcissists tend to be a little more underhanded about how they bully,
but they all bully in some way, shape or form. And they all do it in a very manipulative way,
a very toxic way and in a way that devalues you, makes you feel less,
makes you feel like you can't do anything right, there's something wrong with you that they are
super powerful, that you can never win against them. And all of that is just to mess with your
head psychologically so that they gain control over you, which gives them narcissistic supply.
And I have had to deal with a couple of narcissists in my life as I've talked about
and so I understand this and they were able to even do it to me after I'd been
long then a very successful attorney. So if it could happen to me, it can happen to anyone. So I
don't want you to feel bad about that. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's just a matter of undoing
those neuronal patterns that they created in your brain, but it is so easy. It's so possible. It
really is actually so much more possible than what you think because narcissists, the not-so-secret,
are actually the most scared little people on the planet. They do not want you to know that
it truly is like the wizard of Oz where they build this whole Oz thing that looks so amazing and so
powerful and it's so scary. But they really are that little scared feeble man behind the curtain
that really is what is actually lurking in there. You just have to understand that.
But so when you see these emotional bullying tactics, what I want you to do is be able to
see them for what they are and go, "Oh, okay. I understand what's going on here." And start
to see it as a third party. Start to see it almost as an observer and understand
that that's what's happening and just notice it, see it for what it is, but not take it on. Almost
be like, whether you're a man or a woman, almost be like wonder woman with those bracelets and
they're coming at you, but you're just repelling them. So one of the ways that they do it is
through gaslighting and gaslighting is a tactic that they use to make you think that you're crazy.
"Me and the boys are going away for the weekend." "Oh, when did you decide you were
doing that?" "Oh, we talked about it and you agreed." And you think, "Oh, I don't remember
having that conversation." You know you never had that conversation, but that's what they do.
They say, or they'll have a conversation with you about money and they say that they're going
to take care of paying a bill. And you say, "I thought you said you were going to take care of
it." "No, what I said was that I would put money in the account that you would take care of it."
Just constantly changing things around so that the conversation that you thought you were having
isn't that conversation and you're constantly trying to pin it down.
No, this is what you said. And even if you show them an email or so them a text and say,
"No, no, no, you said this. This is what you said." "Oh, but that's ... you know that
that's not what that said. You know what I was referring to. I was referring to something else."
And so you're constantly in this mind game with them and it actually makes you feel
devalued because you start to question your own reality. And years and years of that
can make you think that you're crazy. And I have a whole video on gaslighting tactics that
narcissists use and see if you want to know more about gaslighting tactics, definitely
check out my video on gaslighting tactics. Another thing that narcissists do is they project.
If you try to call them out on their behavior, they try to say, "No, it was somebody else. It
was somebody else's fault. Somebody else's responsibility, somebody else screwed up.
It was not me. It was you or it was some other person that was involved in somehow."
And so they emotionally bully you that way because they project and say it was you.
Another thing that they do is play the victim. "I can't believe that you're doing this to me.
I can't believe that this is what you're saying after all I've done for you. I can't believe how
you're attacking me. I don't like your tone." And so suddenly whatever it was that you were feeling,
even if you just say, when you said that it hurt my feelings, somehow that becomes an attack on
them. "I can't believe that you would put it that way. I can't believe you would bring that up now."
And it becomes this psychological game again, where now they're the victim and it becomes all
about them and your feelings or however, whatever it was that you wanted to bring up, don't matter.
And once again, you feel devalued. So what happens if they feel
this happening is they might go silent, do the silent treatment. They might withhold
sex. They might just start insulting you. They might devalue you. They might just explode and
that's another form of emotional bullying. It's just exploding on you, having their narcissistic
rage come flying out so that now you're afraid of what they're going to do. And they might
start threatening things like I'm going to call the police or I'm going to file for a divorce,
or I'm going to tell everybody that you're so terrible or whatever it is. These threats
start flying around. And so they want you to be scared. They want you to start
begging them all. "Please don't do that. Please don't call the police. Please don't file for
divorce. Let's not do that to the children. Please don't scream and yell. I'll do whatever you want."
Just stop that or they might start crying. That's another form of emotional bullying that they have
is like, they start to cry and play this massive victim so that you're now having to deal with
that. And so what happens over the long haul is that you feel like you're walking on eggshells.
And if you feel right now that you're walking on eggshells, I want to see in the comments,
Walking on Eggshells. Because, and that's a good book, by the way. If any of you haven't
check out that book, there is a good book called Walking on Eggshells,
and we'll make sure that we drop a link to that below. And it's all about what life is like when
you're dealing with somebody who is afflicted with either narcissistic personality disorder
or some other personality disorder that constantly makes you feel like you have no idea
who you're going to be dealing with, what you're going to be dealing with and that emotional
bullying over time just causes this trauma. And one of the people in my slave program actually
referred to it as scrambled eggs for brains because you just feel like you're constantly
in this toxic stew and you don't know what's going on and you're afraid. And I've had so many people
come into my office on the first meeting and say, "You have to be strong because
he's going to do all these things and it's very intimidating and he's super charming,
or she's super charming or she won't be able to fake out everybody and the other lawyer.
And nobody's going to believe me because the other person is so good at what they do."
And I want you to know that a lot of that is really just what they have trained you to believe.
They want you to think that they're so powerful that everyone else is lined up against you and
that you have no say in this matter. That's what they want you to believe. But I'm here to tell
you that you can turn this around. You can shift that dynamic. You can make changes, and baby steps
will get you to right the ship so that you finally feel like you're on the offensive for a change
and not constantly on the defensive, dealing with this emotional bullying that you've been
living with. And narcissists really are actually very scared little creatures inside. There's
this a little thing that lives inside of them that's really super scared. And everything that
they do is to build a big house around that, build this big fortress around that so that everyone
else thinks that they're so powerful and so scary and so intimidating because that feeds their
incessant need for narcissistic supply. And if you're getting ready to negotiate
with a narcissist, make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet. Do not
walk into a negotiation without it. You need to have tools. You need to be ready. You need to be
feeling strong and you need to have your arguments ready to go. And my worksheet will help you do
that. You just get it at winmynegotiation.com. And if you like this video, give it a like,
share it so that other people can have access to this information and resources
and make sure that you've subscribed and you've hit that notification bell.
And if you are feeling isolated, you're feeling alone, you're dealing with flying monkeys.
You're dealing with gaslighting, the whole thing. It's like craziness. And you think, "Oh my God,
I don't have anybody to talk to about this. No one else understands."
I have a free private Facebook group where everybody understands. Come join us in it. It's
called Narcissists Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. And we'll drop links to all this stuff below,
including a link to the book, Walking on Eggshells if you want to check that out as well.
I am Rebecca Zung. I'm so glad that you stopped by my channel. Remember,
today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.