If we think about the things that we fear the most, you’d probably guess that most
of us fear death more than anything else.
But it’s not like we wake up each day worrying that this particular day might be our last.
According to the experts, what we really fear each and every day is some kind of failure.
It turns out, according to psychological surveys, that one failure we are extremely frightened
of is giving a public speech and coming across as a moron, or perhaps bumbling our words,
freezing on the spot, or just not doing a good job.
In an article in Psychology Today it is explained that this fear of messing up in public is
hardwired into our genes.
In the past we lived as groups and we hunted as groups; we were social animals and we had
to collaborate to survive.
If we failed to become a worthy member of that group we got kicked out, and that would
almost certainly mean we would not survive very long.
We had to perform, and if we didn’t, the other part of the tribe had zero tolerance
because a weak member would surely result in the rest of the group being harmed.
To give an example, if you were on watch and told to look out for big cats that could feast
on members of the group, and you didn’t perform very well that day, someone might
lose a limb, an eye, a life.
There is and has always been a lot of pressure on people to not mess up.
And that’s why there is in-built into our psyches the fear of ostracism.
That basically means the fear of being kicked out of the group.
One psychologist said this, “To my knowledge, in the animal kingdom, ostracism is not only
a form of social death, it also results in death.
The animal is unable to protect itself against predators, cannot garner enough food, etc.,
and usually dies within a short period of time.”
And it is this fear that gives people the shakes when they go on stage, why athletes
get butterflies in their stomach, why most of us would rather pull off a fingernail than
stand up in front of lots of people and attempt to say something meaningful.
We just don’t want to be ostracized from the group.
It’s not as if these days we have to be on watch looking out for big-toothed furry
threats, so for most people when they have the choice they’d rather not take a risk
and get up in front of people.
If we have to do that we often go wobbly at the knees.
As one person put it, “My tongue stuck to the roof of my dry mouth and I couldn’t
swallow, I blushed, sweated and trembled.”
We know we shouldn’t act like this, but social anxiety is very real and it affects
most people in the world.
It’s actually a good thing, because if we didn’t fear being rejected we would not
try so hard to be good.
As you might have seen even on social media, those that have no fear are often those that
make fools of themselves.
You have to find the middle ground, and that means to be self-effacing enough to be intelligent,
but not so critical you can’t even perform.
But just what is going on in your head when you are asked to speak in public?
First of all, you are not alone if you have ever suffered speech anxiety or what’s known
as glossophobia.
As we said, you’d actually be inhuman to not fear messing up.
Some have it worse than others, though.
We are told what happens to many people when they get up in front of a crowd is first they
have a rise in their heartbeat.
Some of you might know that sometimes this might feel like your heart is beating itself
out of your chest.
“Ladies and Gentlemen”… bum bum, bum bum, bum bum, “I think I’m having a heart
attack.”
No you’re not, what’s happening is a bunch of stress hormones are flooding through your
brain.
Remember your ancestor who took some Zzzzzs while on watch when a saber-tooth tiger was
having the kids for dessert?
These hormones, such as epinephrine and cortisol are your friends, they are letting you know
the situation is tense.
Technically what happens is a part of your brain called the hypothalamus triggers the
pituitary gland to make some of the hormone ACTH.
To cut a long story short, this produces adrenaline.
The good news is, once this burst of adrenaline is over you might get into a groove.
This awards you with dopamine, and when the job is done you might feel satisfied.
That satisfaction in neurochemical terms means a shot of serotonin.
Maybe people clap, give you a slap on the back, and that’s the love hormone oxytocin
working for you.
But before everyone lives happily ever after you have to deal with the girl of your dreams
in the crowd and you have suddenly been endowed with the shakiest voice on the planet.
You’ve broken out in a sweat and are hoping for some kind of deus-ex-machina ending and
for the world to swallow you.
Now, this might not be as bad for some as for others.
We are sure that a few of you right now know exactly what its like to have to stand up
at a company meeting or in class on one of those horrid days when some cruel person has
said, “Ok, can each of you just say a few words about yourself.”
Some of us are more anxious than others.
Some of us blush when asking a supermarket worker how much the bananas are.
Some of us just produce too much adrenaline.
If that’s you, rest assured that you are likely not the person to put any old remark
down in the comments box.
The social anxiety can at least make some people very self-aware and critical.
If that’s you, please go ahead after the video and introduce yourself to the group.
Just kidding.
We like something the evolutionary biologist Charles Darwin once said when he was at a
zoo in London.
He was at the snake enclosure and putting his face right up to the glass.
When the snake struck at the glass, he jumped back, his heart beating, feeling a frisson
of fear.
He said, “My will and reason were powerless against the imagination of a danger which
had never been experienced.”
This ancient reaction is hardwired, and for good reason.
You’ve all likely heard boxers saying, “Of course I was scared I was gonna lose, that’s
what makes me the boxer I am.”
Any good writer, novelist, has all kinds of fears about not being good enough, but that’s
what makes them better.
That’s how they became good writers.
We are told that if you fear writing, or speaking, or performing, it’s a good idea to get set
up first.
One thing you can do is follow the three Rs.
That’s Reason, Reveal, Resolution.
Don’t just wing it, figure out what your reason is for speaking and then figure out
what you are going to reveal to the audience.
At the end, give them a conclusion, or a resolution.
If you don’t have three Rs, maybe don’t speak just yet.
Yes, that doesn’t always work when some sadistic teacher has asked you, the new boy
in class, to introduce yourself.
“Hi, my name is Jeff.
I like sports and…”
Oh, someone kill me.
But before you reach for the Xanax, just try to remember that there aren’t any lions
about.
Nothing is that important.
At the end of the day, nothing matters enough to ruin your day.
We are all perfect failures in some ways and because you know this you are at least self-aware.
That is commendable.
Even though some of you might feel paralyzed when getting up on stage, the more you learn
to care less the better you will defeat these demons.
Jump when the snake lunges at you, but be aware there is always some metaphorical glass
between you and your audience.
At the same time, when you leave your comment below be aware that thousands, maybe millions,
of people will see it.
As one writer once said, every time he writes something he imagines it’s the last thing
he will ever say.
This doesn’t cause fear, but he said it makes him think wisely about what he says.
Next time you are getting ready for your public speaking, make sure that your presentation
is as best as it can be, so that you can focus on yourself.
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Now over to you.
Please leave a comment about how you deal with public speaking?
How do you cope with anxiety?
Do you have any tips for the others here?
Remember lots of people are looking at what you said.
Tell us what you think in the comments.
Also, be sure to check out our other video I didn’t sleep for a week and this happened.
Thanks for watching, and as always, don’t forget to like, share and subscribe.
See you next time.