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- [Tutor] Hi Psych2Goers and welcome back to another video.
Thank you so much for all the love
and support you've given us,
enabling us to make yet another exploration
into everyday psychology.
So let's begin.
Are you dating a highly sensitive person?
Or do you identify as an HSP?
Dating can be awkward, uncomfortable,
and downright worrisome, no matter who you are.
Being a highly sensitive person,
it's tricky enough to navigate an overstimulating world,
but adding another person to the mix.
If this feels overwhelming, you're not alone.
It's complicated, but it can certainly be done.
And when it is, it can feel also rewarding.
There's a lot you can try in order to make dating
as comfortable and fun as possible.
Here are 10 secrets about dating a highly sensitive person.
One, an HSP will notice and will care
if you're not being genuine.
Did you know they can get a read on your vibe
through tiny details, such as your body language
and facial expression, oftentimes they just know.
Something between you will probably feel off
if you try to get away with a lie,
even if neither of you can tell what it is at first.
Sticking to authenticity stops things
from getting lost in translation.
Two, communication is key.
Does your partner have any specific triggers
or do you feel uncomfortable in certain situations?
Letting your partner know about such things
helps increase understanding.
The more you know and communicate,
the more you can be there for one another in any situation.
If anything, you'll just be more prepared for the next date.
It can also help you avoid unnecessary stress.
For example, a moderately crowded cafe
is probably relaxing for a lot of people,
but some may just peace may be overstimulated
by a few voices and machines in an echoing room.
Three, know that an HSP's environment affects them greatly.
Lisa Petsinis, a highly sensitive person and blogger
at highly sensitive refuge,
recounts how she felt she would die from the shrillness
and force of the sound of the house alarm system,
which had malfunctioned and rang for two hours straight.
Finally, she ripped the wires apart in desperation.
Petsinis's case is not unusual
for highly sensitive individuals.
HSPs will hone in on slight sounds, smells,
movements, and even tastes that others don't notice.
This can be extremely overwhelming at times,
especially when trying to focus on another person.
But if things get overstimulating,
a little support and a lot of patience
can help do the trick.
Four, HSPs feel emotions intensely too.
HSPs are highly perceptive of emotion.
An HSP might be moved to tears by a sad song
or a few sweet words.
So keep this in mind
when picking your next date night movie.
Don't feel like emotional expression
needs to be avoided though.
Just as with any sensitivity,
it can be just as beautiful as it is frustrating.
Handling these feelings in productive ways
can help bring the two of you closer together.
Five, it may help to plan ahead.
If you took your date ice skating as a surprise,
you'd probably let them know to bring a jacket, right?
You can think about sensitivities the same way.
A little communication and preparation
will help the date run a lot smoother.
Going somewhere loud, bring headphones.
A long car ride, maybe a fidget object
and downloading a podcast will help.
Resources such as social media and good old Google
can help you think of the evening of your dreams.
Six, give HSPs some time to adjust.
For highly sensitive people, nearly any, and every change
can feel disruptive and scary.
Even the change of seasons affects some HSPs.
And no, not in the same way as seasonal affective disorder.
So you can imagine how jarring sudden changes can be.
If your partner doesn't seem relaxed in a new place
or even in a new relationship,
they're still feeling things out
and would much appreciate a little space in time.
Seven, you will probably learn something
if you listen closely.
Is your partner prone to noticing
interesting particulars throughout the day?
Do they remember things that others don't
because they're so detail oriented?
Highly sensitive people take in a lot of information
on a nearly constant basis.
It can definitely be overwhelming,
but it can also be pretty useful.
Talking to an HSP will likely keep you engaged.
Sensitive individuals tend to move beyond smalltalk
rather quickly.
Eight, don't ignore their discomfort
or make a scene out of it.
Imagine yourself in their shoes.
How would you want someone you're with to react
if you told them something was bothering you?
It can be hard to know what to say or do
when something comes up, especially when it's sudden,
but it's more about how you react
than the actual words you utter
that makes all the difference.
Ignoring their feelings certainly won't help the situation,
even if you're just trying to distract them.
Odds are not much will be able to take their attention away
from their surroundings.
So a simple suggestion, like,
should we step outside for a minute?
Or a straightforward question like,
what would you like to do should suffice.
Nine, choose surprises carefully.
On a scale from one to 10, how difficult is it
to plan a surprise date night for an HSP?
Chances are you won't be able to keep it a surprise
for long.
Because highly sensitive people are so perceptive,
they may intuitively feel that you are hiding something
which might prompt them to ask.
On the other hand,
surprising and HSP with a hug from behind
can be so startling that it takes more than a few seconds
for them to recover from.
Even the dreaded "I have to tell you something"
sets in HSP's heart pounding.
It helps if the suspense element is kept to a minimum
when dating an HSP.
10, stop using phrases like "too sensitive" and "too much."
You want to date someone who makes you feel good, right?
For an HSP, this might translate into looking for someone
who accepts their sensitivities without judgment.
It's already emotionally draining
to deal with constant overstimulation.
So it can be truly disheartening to feel like someone
is simply tolerating rather than choosing to be with you.
Simple phrases like overly sensitive and too much
carry more weight than you think.
So it's important to choose words carefully
and listen to each other with an open mind.
We hope we were able to give you a little insight
into some of the ways that set HSPs apart from the crowd.
Are you dating an HSP or do you identify as an HSP yourself?
Did you relate to any of these points?
Let us know in the comments below.
If you find this video helpful,
be sure to hit the like and subscribe button
and share it with someone who might benefit from it.
Thanks for watching.