[MUSIC PLAYING]
Do you guys ever feel like in life you've
been backed against a corner?
And you felt like you got to choose one of two choices:
to be a victim or a victor?
My name's Ben Kjar, and I was born with Crouzon syndrome.
It's a craniofacial anomaly--the mid-part of my face
wouldn't grow at the same speed as the rest of my face.
Doctors would come to my parents,
and they would tell them that I would live a different life,
and in fact I have.
I've had to choose to be a victim
or a victor on a daily basis.
I want to tell you, one time in the summer we went and hung out
with my cousins in the Midwest, where the heat is hot.
In the middle of the day, we jumped in a boat,
and after all the water fun, we decided to jump in the lake
and get a little bit cooled off.
But it wasn't cool enough, so we went to an ice cream parlor.
As we got on the shore, we jumped out,
and we ran up to the ice cream parlor.
I remember being in that line with all my cousins
and all my family members and my parents.
As we got closer to the line, I started feeling
a little bit uncomfortable.
I felt this feeling before.
There's a little child in front of me that saw my face
and could tell that I looked a little bit different.
I don't know if anybody else in my family noticed,
but I sure did.
I saw him hiding behind his mom's skirt
and just peering his eyes up and over at me.
And I saw him start to tremble.
And as he started to tremble, I started to tremble.
He was looking at me, and it was something
that I couldn't change.
He was looking at me because of my face.
I knew that the next thing would probably be the worst nightmare
that I had--was to be ridiculed in front of everybody in public
about something I couldn't change.
I remember as he pulled down the skirt of his mom,
grabbed his mom's leg and arm and shook on it
and pointed at me in front of everyone
in the ice cream parlor, and said, monster, monster!
Mom, look at the monster.
Let's go, let's go!
She collects her ice cream and runs out of the store with him
screaming and crying, pointing at the monster--pointing at me.
I forgot what ice cream flavor I ordered.
I forgot how it tasted, because I was just
focused on what just happened.
I remember all my cousins and all my family members
were just silent after that.
You could hear every single step as we walked outside that ice
cream parlor to the boat.
I never wanted so badly to wear a seat belt in a boat,
because it would have been giving me comfort and security
and safety.
I remember my mom in that boat on the way back
to my cousin's house telling me to remember who I was--that I
was a son of God.
To remember who I was--that I was somebody,
that I was a force for good.
That I was going to be a leader in life,
and that I can make a difference.
She reminded me that day that no matter what people saw in me
or the difference they saw about me,
that I could make a difference, that I could choose to be
a victor and not a victim.
Well, that changed my life.
That simple choice changed my life until today.
I choose every day.
It's a daily ritual--it's a daily conversion to decide
to be a victor and not a victim.
Guys, now more than ever in today's society,
we have the opportunity choose in to fear
or choose in to hope, and I know that as we work on choosing
in to hope, hope works.
I want to tell you another experience that I
thought would never happen.
I thought growing up that my biggest trial would be fighting
the differences of my face would be fighting
about how people saw me and how I
was born with Crouzon Syndrome, a craniofacial anomaly that
would never leave, no matter how many surgeries I would have.
Well, through the confidence and through the many blessings
I had had with a supportive family that I was gifted,
I was able to travel around the world, specifically
through the sport of wrestling.
I was able to succeed in that sport and represent the USA,
accept a scholarship to a local university,
and meet my beautiful wife in the same athletic department.
I remember watching my beautiful wife run track,
and she wasn't fast enough, because I caught her.
And we were married, and we thought
everything would be super easy as we
decided to start a family.
She came from a family of nine kids,
and I came from a family of seven.
Family was super important to us,
and we wanted a big family with lots of kids
running around the house, just like we had done growing up.
But I want to tell you, as we started our family,
and we tried naturally to have kids, it didn't happen.
And as we went to the doctors that I
was all so used to for my craniofacial condition,
this was different.
Another person was involved--my beautiful wife--and our future
family would be involved.
And as we would sit down, and the doctors not
know what the problem was, we felt
like we had a moving target, not knowing where to go next.
So we tried IVF, and we tried four times so
that we could have our kids.
I remember, she could barely go to work and sit down
because of the bruises she had on her hips,
and the bruises she had all over her stomach
just to try to start our family.
Four cycles later, with two miscarriages--a little baby boy
and a little baby girl lost--our hearts felt broken.
We didn't know what to do next, but we
felt like adoption would be the next step for us.
We were so excited when we put our profile out there,
that we would be matched with a beautiful mom.
As we would go to visit this mom and spend holidays with them
and take them out and really enjoy our time with her and her
family, we felt connected.
We felt like this was it, until we got the email.
Eight months being matched with this mom who was pregnant--
that we had funded the entire time--we get the email that
said, "I'm not placing my baby.
I don't know how to tell you this."
I remember reading that email, and I
remember having those words be like a dagger to the heart.
And I remember having my wife grasp
around my chest, "Why do we have to go through this again?"
I remember not knowing what to do.
This was a situation I just couldn't control.
I felt like I wouldn't have to go through this.
I felt like my trials--that I had been through the hardest
things--when in fact I hadn't.
But we decided that night that we
would walk forward with hope, as victors and not victims.
Shortly after that, we gained up the courage
to go again into the adoption, and we
were matched with another mom.
And about six months later, she would disappear.
She would not return our calls anymore.
We felt devastated, but we decided every day
to have that conversion to be victors, not victims.
To have hope and not live with fear.
I remember getting the call in early February
saying, "Hey, there's a boy that was just born.
Do you want him?"
I remember me and my wife, we looked at each other
and we're just like, "Let's do this."
And we got on the next plane.
As we touched down, I remember meeting
the birth mom and her saying, "Would you
like to meet your baby boy?"
And I looked at my wife and I'm like, "Wait a minute, holy cow,
is this how this works?
Is this how this works?
Holy cow!
This is actually happening."
As we walked down and we held our beautiful baby boy,
we had the opportunity to name him.
They said, "Hey, you got to come tomorrow
morning because we've got to sign the papers with the baby
boy's name."
We had had girls' names out the wazoo,
because all the adoptions before were little baby girls.
I wasn't prepared for a boy's name,
but that night we went to sleep, and I woke up with a name
that we hadn't prepared for.
The name Liam; Liam went through my mind.
I couldn't get back to sleep.
Finally, hours later, I rested my head,
and I woke up in the morning and told my wife everything
that happened.
On the way to the hospital, my wife looked at me
and said, "Ben, that means something.
Maybe Liam is the name."
As we sat down with the lawyer and the birth mom
to sign the papers, she said, "I hope you don't mind,
I already signed my part of the papers,
and I named the baby boy.
I wanted to name him something that meant protective warrior."
And me and my wife looked at each other like, "What did you
name the boy?"
And she said, "I named the boy Liam."
Guys, faith and hope is alive, and it's alive today.
And it works.
When we think God doesn't deliver what we ask for,
check again.
He may not always come in your timing,
but He always comes on time.
We were startled.
We were emotional as we hugged the birth mom
and told her our part of the story.
As we get up and we walk out in the hall
just with goosebumps on our arms,
the adoption director comes to us and says,
"I don't know how to tell you this,
but I just got off the phone."
She had tears in her eyes, and she looks at my beautiful wife
and says, "You're a twin aren't you?"
And my wife's an identical twin, and she said, "Yeah,
I'm a twin."
She said, "Well, there's a baby girl
being born in a couple of days.
Would you like to raise a girl as well?
It would be like raising twins."
I looked over at my wife, and we were just
in awe about how our prayers are being answered,
how God delivered with all our hope and our faith.
And our mentality of being a victor,
not knowing if that would ever pay off.
That happened.
We would go and hold our beautiful baby
girl and our beautiful baby boy at the same time and return
home, and my parents didn't know anything!
And we surprised our parents.
But I want to tell you, it's not over.
When you think all the blessings have come, through your trials
there's more that comes.
And when God delivers, and when He delivers on time,
He comes with His arms full.
We would get a call 11 months later from the birth
mom of my baby boy Liam.
And she would say, "You know what?
I'm pregnant.
Would you like to raise Liam's brother?"
Shortly after that, we would show up,
and we would hold our second baby boy in our arms.
And we would then return and surprise my family yet again.
Guys, in the last 18 months I went from zero
to three kids running around with diapers everywhere.
Three car seats--our hands are full.
And if you think our hands are full,
you should see our hearts.
Hope is alive.
You have an opportunity to react in life with love and not
worry, with hope and not fear--to be a victor and not
a victim of circumstance.
I always thought that my biggest fight
would be against the people that thought I would look different.
It wasn't so much that way.
I learned to be a victor, and it would serve me
in every realm of my life.
I'm going to invite you to do the same.
In those moments that you feel that you're
backed in that corner of life with a choice
to be a victor or a victim, to choose hope, but choose
fear and choose doubt and worry, I
want to invite you to tell yourself that you're enough.
I want to invite you to know and to believe
that God does deliver.
Hope works, and it works when you work.
Kiss, cuddle.
Cuddle, kiss.
Cuddle.