Hey there, this is clay. And today we're gonna be talking about
five signs that you actually can get your ex back.
Hey, there, clay here with modernlove.life. One of the biggest questions that I think I'm
most commonly asked by people is, you know, they'll tell me their situation. They'll
tell me what's going on. And then after all of that, they'll then ask me, Hey, do you think
I can get my ex back is even possible? Are the odds pretty good or is it pretty bad?
And so I wanted to get into that because, you know, typically I I'll tell people like, Hey,
you know, who, who am I to calculate the odds for you? Who am I to say, who can, or can't
make something work? Because there have been a lot of times that I've heard someone's situation
and you know, maybe I've thought like, Hey, that seems pretty crazy. I don't know if you're
gonna be able to get this to work or not. I just keep that to myself. And then maybe, you
know, a couple months or a year or so later, I get an update from them and it says, Hey, you know,
we got back together and you know, maybe now we're getting married or we're starting a family,
or we're doing some dream that we've always dreamed of before, like traveling the world
or something. I don't like to just, you know, seal someone's fate one way or the other.
And, you know, besides, it's also a factor of like, how committed are you to something,
because if you're committed to something you're gonna follow through on it and you're gonna,
you know, do what you need to do. You know, like sometimes people will say, what's your
success rate. And that implies that this is like a passive experience and I'm some sort of physician
operating on you or something like that. It, it doesn't work that way. You know,
the success rate is like, what's the success rate of going to the gym? It depends on number one,
what you're gonna do, but also how committed you are to something, right? Because you could be
really committed to something and follow through on it and have great results. Or you could be
like really halfhearted on it. You could be sort of like, uh, I don't know, maybe I don't want to
exercise. Maybe I do maybe really don't wanna, you know, give up the, the certain foods that
aren't helping me with, whatever my fitness goal is. Obviously you're gonna have lesser results.
If you do that, if you get any results at all, we have to remember that you are an important
factor in all of this, which is why we're gonna be talking about today. Does so heavily
revolve around you and where you're at and what you're willing to do. And by the way,
stick around through this, to the end of the video, because I'm going to be giving you some
tools and strategies that you can start to use to help put a lot of this into action. The first
thing you want to do is you want to understand why your breakup happened in the first place.
You should probably know why that happens. Most people, I talk to know why their breakup happens.
Maybe they got busy with work and they just didn't prioritize their relationship. Or maybe they
Went through a difficult time, early 20, 22, when I'm making this video. There's a lot of people
going through a lot of difficult times right now and have been for the past two years or so.
You know, we also have our own challenges in our own personal lives, too, not just in the whole,
you know, global world with COVID and the pandemic and all the restrictions and
all that sort of stuff. We have to understand why our breakup happened. If you don't, you really
need to take a look at that, right? You really need to understand it. You really need to know
specifically what caused your relationship to not work out and know it's not just because,
you know, your partner broke up with you or because you accidentally cheated on them or
something like that. You have to look at this in a deeper way, because there there's a reason why
certain things happen the way that they happen. And we have to understand that if we're going
to really make meaningful, good progress here in our relationship, the second thing
that is a good indicator that you actually can get your ex back is if you and your X,
you and your partner are actually a good fit for one another. Oftentimes people will overlook this
step because they, you know, just wanna get back into a relationship or something, but we
wanna really make sure that you're actually like a good fit for one another. Like, do you want the
same things in life? Sometimes I'll talk to people and maybe one person wants kids, a person doesn't
want kids a little bit of a tricky situation right there, because in order for the two of you to be
together in a long term sense, one of you has to, um, let go of whate whatever it is that you want,
whether you're gonna have kids, you know, the person that doesn't want them has to
feel a little bit frustrated by having kids and whatever consequences that might mean for them.
And like wise, if they choose not to have kids and the person who does want kids
has to, you know, feel like they're missing out, we need to make sure that the two of you actually
are compatible with one another, not just with a kid thing, obviously there's 101 other things
that you could be compatible or incompatible on. So we want to really look at that wanna say, okay,
are we actually a good fit to be together? Uh, next up is we have to really correct
whatever the problem was, release, whatever the problem was that caused the two of you to not
work out. You gotta understand it. You gotta do the sort of gut check and say, okay, yeah,
we're a good fit. Um, and then after that, you have to say, okay, what is it that needs
to happen for this to actually work out if maybe your breakup happened? Because there was too much
anxiety on your end, or maybe it's getting worse because there's too much anxiety on your end.
Maybe you need to work on releasing that anxiety. Maybe you need to work on
letting go of all of that so that you can really embody the kind of loving relationship
that you truly want. Just the other day, I put out a, uh, subliminal recording that you
can listen to while you sleep, um, to help You kind of get the right mindset for a great,
solid, committed relationship. You can go ahead and check that out right up there in a video card.
Maybe you're not in a great place to watch it right now, but you can, you know,
save that one for later and listen to it tonight. That's a good option as well. The fourth way that
you can tell if you're gonna get your X back and if you can get your X back is if you're willing to
not just move away from what wasn't working, but to actually move toward what is going to help
you have a great relationship. And this kind of goes hand in hand with the last one, but,
you know, we really want to let go of, what's not working. We don't just want to do that
though. Cuz then we create a void, a vacuum. Um, it's really easy for other things to come
in and creep in. So what we also want to do is we want to intentionally
move towards the feeling state, the emotional experience of having the relationship that we want
as we do this, it starts to become more familiar to us. And as we continue to do this, we, it to
really embody it on a personal level, to the point where we, uh, naturally bring the energy into our
life, the energetic, emotional state into our day to day life of, um, what that feels
like. It's really important that we start to say, okay, how is it I want to feel at the end of this
relationship journey is confident. Is it trusting? Is it full of love and acceptance? If so, can I
give myself permission to experience that now, even when the relationship isn't currently there
and aren't external in my external reality, can I give myself permission to experience that now?
And then as I do that, that's going to draw experiences to me that are equal
to that emotional state. What, what exactly do I mean by this? Um, basically if you feel a lot of
anxiety right now, you're probably feeling a lot of good reasons for that anxiety. You're probably
drawing to your awareness experiences that would give you a good reason to feel anxious,
whether that is, you know, certain things that are happening between you and your partner,
certain concerns about like text messages that they sent or didn't send certain online,
social media activity, you know, who's that person that they're following. Who's that person they're
chatting with. Who's that person that they're spending lots of time with, et cetera, or also
of other things that could be going on. And my hypothesis for you to try on is that maybe
some of those things are important concerns. I'll give you that. But many times these things
are just manufactured by our own mind. Many times I'll talk to people who are actually having a
good connection and a good bond with their ex. And then they'll find some little thing that's
missing and they'll hyperfocus in on that. And they'll use that as some sort of evidence that
things aren't going well. And they'll use that to sort of stir up and agitate their anxiety.
And again, you can do that, but that's going to cause you to focus in on the anxiety and draw to
you experiences that that match that anxiety. So what I want you to do is I want you to say, okay,
rather than using this in a way that, um, causes me to pull experie is to me that allow me to feel
anxious or insecure or angry or frustrated or disappointed or whatever it might be.
What if I give myself permission to feel trusting, loving, grounded, connected,
fully expressed cetera now, and then drew experiences to me that, that fundamentally
let's go ahead and use this effect for your own benefit. And then the fifth
sign that you can actually get your X back is if you're able to do this long term, if you're able
to keep all of this stuff going long term, you know, of course you could do it temporarily. And
I've seen a lot of people do things temporarily. You know, I've seen people get back together with
theirs contemp. I've seen people, um, make some good progress temporarily, but then, you know,
something happens. They just let go and go back into old familiar patterns or old familiar things
that just seem comfortable to them. And what I'm saying is I don't want you to do that. I want you
to be able to maintain this in, into the long haul day after day moment after moment, month
after month, year after year, even until this just becomes your new identity, who you are.
And when that happens, you'll fully left the old way of being behind and you'll fully adopted a new
way of being in. You'll never have to worry about going back to, you know, being susceptible to,
I don't know, being victimized by a narcissist or, uh, being controlled and dominated by anxiety or
anger or disappointment or whatever else it might be for you. I don't know if that's something that
you do want some help with. What I like you to do next is to check out this video playlist over
here on, on your way of being, how it affects your relationships and how you can start to
manage your way of being to get better results with your relationship. You know, we go ahead
and check out that playlist and I'll talk to you in the next video.