NARRATOR: All aboard, for safety and adventure on
the rigid airship, Excelsior.
Yes, when you fly Excelsior, you're
flying in style and safety.
BOY: Safety?
But isn't hydrogen flammable?
And how, Timmy.
NARRATOR: All aboard Excelsior.
God, who'd want to put a bomb on that?
Krieger, you're here for comms and surveillance tech.
And for my extensive knowledge of Japanese culture.
Reading a couple dirty comics doesn't make you an expert.
So you went to Vegas, and now you're drunk and broke
outside a casino, and you want me
to wire $1,000 to buy you a plane
ticket and a preflight whore.
OK, I'm going to list everything you
just said that's totally wrong.
A, not outside a Casino, so.
Was the catsuit really necessary?
For me?
No.
It's more for the public.
Oh.
Oh, still got it.
Thank you, Sterling.
And by it, I mean this image burned into my retinas
till the end of time.
Lucky boy.
Oh, good.
You are here for Archer.
Oh, it's Fraulein Archer.
She added desperately.
New Orleans is my kind of town,
and I haven't had a vacation in forever.
Well, that's great--
Nola, the Crescent City.
The Big-- easy.
She didn't specify an agent in command, Lana.
So I would argue--
The fence post?
I wouldn't argue with the--
move idiot.
I'm going as fast as I can.
Not you.
The fence post?
Don't you think it's a little premature to be celebrating?
Who's celebrating?
We're out of liquor.
But I admit, I'm cautiously optimistic.
Because out here you can buy liquor at the grocery store?
Literally the only thing about Los Angeles that
doesn't make me want to vomit.
Jesus, I'm sending you the money
for your stupid plane ticket.
Which would be great if I were not on the no-fly list.
How did you get on the no-fly list?
Uh.
[GROANING]
I want to fly the plane.
Jesus, it is colder than Shackleton's nutsack.
Sir, can you find your seat for me?
Yeah, it's right there.
Can you go find some more hurricanes for me?
I don't know, it just feels weird.
That's just the altitude, dummy.
I'm talking about the--
Try popping your ears, go like this.
Mop, mop, mop, mop.
So are there just no towers here?
Or have we literally gone back in time?
Can I get the oyster po' boy and just like a side
of crawfish etouffee?
Because I'm not sure if I'm going to like it.
Oh my god, Cyril.
For the-- we're not just waltzing into Colombia
with 100 pounds of cocaine.
We're sneaking in under the radar.
Literally and figuratively.
Is there a name for that?
When it's both.
Like in French or something?
Fine, then I'll send the money for a stupid train ticket.
Which would also be great.
I want to fly the train.
Cyril!
What?
Wait, Oh my god, holy shit.
No, Vermont has liquor stores, right?
Yeah, they have to.
It sucks there.
[SCREAMING]
What the--
Hey sleepyhead, welcome to Texas.
All ready?
What the shit, Pam.
Herr Schlotz fears they may attempt
a kidnapping during a birthday party he's throwing
this weekend in Gstaad.
Ah, Gstaad.
Gstaad? Oh, yeah.
Count me in.
Yeah, and me out.
I'm not getting frostbite protecting some old German guy.
Hey, I can see St Peter's from here.
Archer, look out.
Goddamn it, quit telling me what to do.
I don't know, but I think we're pretty close.
What?
Well, blame these road signs.
They don't have any vowels.
Ah.
Thanks, jungle.
Eat a buffet of dicks.
Just great.
She gets dinner and Dixieland and laid,
and I get mosquitoes and no beer and not laid.
How could this get any--
let me finish, worse.
Look at all the shit I had to pack.
I don't know what people are going
to be wearing for apres montee.
So did anyone else know that Robert had a Swiss jazz label?
Or that Swiss jazz was a subgenre called sui bop?
I mean, it figures.
Switzerland is like the jazz of countries.
It just keeps going and going and no one has any idea why.
He needs an extraction from Buenos Aires.
It's just us.
You can say Buenos Aires.
I spent all the funds on tranta.
Who the hell is tranta.
You mean what is tranta.
It's Moldovan folk wrestling and it's fantastic.
You lost all our money gambling
on regional martial arts?
No, my guys won but then I had to buy drink.
OK, people.
I want a good alpine start tomorrow.
So pack your gear and get some sleep.
We head out at dawn.
And that's AM?
As opposed to?
PM, Don.
Set adrift on memory bliss, come on buddy.
Greetings and welcome to Moldova.
Finally, the concierge.
We'd like a free bottle of scotch and directions
to a hall of tranta that takes bets on credit.
And a room with less rat feces.
And a good body.
Good, I mean you're from the UK.
So you don't have anything to compare it to, but no, Lloyd.
Not good, insane.
[GROANS]
[INAUDIBLE]
And she was just like rubbing all over me.
Eat a dick, blizzard.
Nothing happened?
No, nothing.
Well, except for the goodbye kiss,
which was definitely NSF Wales, if you know what I mean.