I've never seen this much water since I fucked your bitch last night
AHAAA... I am so gay
MAC!
So the Golden Globes took place a few days ago
And a lot happened, a lot of good things, a lot of empowerment, and a lot of wearing black
So I decided to join the cause and wear black myself
It's not because I always wear black.
Don't say that, let me feel important for a second. Let me feel like I'm doing something right
Many people suggested I review the red carpet fashion, which is gonna be quite difficult since everyone wore the same color
Not everyone wore the same color correctly
*nervous chuckle* That was mean, that was mean. 2018, we're all about empowerment now, guys
[in the background] TIME'S UP!
Okay, let's just get into it before I offend more people.
Nicole Kidman: marry me
Yass, YASS
Everything about this is yes
Look at you lookin' like a sexy vixen.
It also seems like someone ripped the back of your dress and now you're standing there looking uncomfortable, trying to pass the day
Honestly, same, everyday. Next, Sarose? [he means Saorise Ronan]
Sharose?...
Shuraran???
Shurehefhfvb... Ronan. Honestly all about it. Love the silver. I love cyborgs too. Go ahead the Sari- Sarisa. Cerulean. Savarr
tiger?
Viola Davis. My mother, Grandmother, aunty all-in-one looking like a bomb-ass bitch not here to take no shit.
HAHHHYASGURL
Were you nominated??
And honestly I really hope that's just the lighting and you are not in need of any lotion of any kind. 'Cause girl, them arms look like
they have been in a wrestling match with some baby powder
NIcole Kidman. Wait, that is not *laughs*. Reese Witherspoon. Oh my god. But YAAS
Tracee Ellis Ross, of course. Why not? Honestly, I love Erykah Badu too. Margot Robbie - looking like a gift that just
kept on giving..
honestly I'm about it. I love presents, I love Christmas
Laura Dern
[Silence]
[More silence]
I'll take it. Issa Rae -
GURL yah. Bitch. Hold up
Go ahead. Do your thing. I'm all about upside down, inside out, all around the world, in some curls
Go ahead girl. With that glistening dress, with that shine, with that shimmer, good like a Versace trash bag
I love it. Emma Stone and Billie Jean King, go ahead. That's all I can say about that. Is this dress
see-through? are we looking at your body parts? Claire Foy. Honestly, why the hell not. Alexis Bledel don't know her, but *silence*
I love nature too. Everything can be sexy in this world to somebody. That's the moral of the story, but this skirt, I don't know. Where are the men?
Why am I not looking at the men?
Oh, wait, no, Meryl Streep. Go ahead. Honestly. Meryl Streep, do whatever the hell you want. I can't say anything bad about you
You'll beat me up with all your Oscars. Kelly Clarkson - yaass
Have you worn this dress before? I feel like we've been down this road. I might be incorrect. Rock it once, wear it again
That's all I can say. Catherine Zeta-Jones -
is just living like her best self. Go ahead. Wear that night gown, live that dream. Debra Messing: yaass
[singsong] Yaasss
Yaaass. Kerry Washington - with that trash bag shimmer. Retweet. What are those shoes doing though?
What is happening to those shoes? What are those shoes' agenda? What is-what is their mission in life? Dakota Johnson - is there?
Okay. Alicia Vikander
Looks lost. Looks like she saw something she doesn't want to. Who hurt you? Zoe Kravitz - can do whatever she wants in life
And I'll be okay with it. Mariah Carey-he-he -
Looking like a shrimp. Honestly, go ahead,
live your life, Mariah Carey. Oh, there she is! Heidi Klum. She is everywhere. If Heidi Klum isn't on the red carpet
Then it's just a carpet. Looking like an ostrich-peacock of fashion. I like it. I love it. Michelle Pfeiffer - exists. Naomi Campbell -
Did you go for the food? Why are you there, girl? You look great though. Looking like a weaved basket. And finally we'll end it with
Oh, that's Millie Bobby Brown. Oh my gosh
I was like, "who is this?"
Go ahead girl, live your 13-year-old life. Are you 13? You have to be 13
She's 13. Is she 13? Maybe she's 14, and I'm making you younger than you are. I'm sorry. Okay, wait
I was gonna end this, but it upsets me very much. There is no men on this website. What has happened
I thought the message was very clear about equality of the sexes, but apparently Vanity Fair doesn't think so. Timothée Chalamet
Okay, that's all I wanted to see. I'm good now. Oh wait no, Mr. Snack came to the Golden Globes. Look at you Zac Efron
Oh wait, no, Chris Hemsworth. *repeated yeahs*
Yeah, look at that smolder, look at that collar not even fully buttoned, but showing some skin, look at you, so sweet and so delicious
I just want it in my mouth
Hold up, man
We got Nick Jonas in this bitch. Honey, my bussy is... open.
Look at that smile, look at those hands, look at that ear. I just want to bite that ear, I'm gonna nibble that ear *mumbles*
Sorry, I'm sorry. And he's wearing Versace. As in, Ver-sauce this dick
Thank you guys for watching. And the trash man comes right on time because I need to be taken out.
What was your favorite moment of the Golden Globes? Oprah Winfrey.
You don't even have to answer the question anymore
That should be everyone's answer, actually. Write that in the comments, just write "Oprah Winfrey" in the comments
But anyways, I'm gonna go get taken out by the trash. My name's Mac, and don't forget to like, comment, share and subscri-bey
BWAAAAAA *outro plays*