Hey there.
This is Mat Boggs, coauthor or Project Everlasting and creator of Cracking the Man Code.
Welcome back to part two of the man scan.
Now remember, this is a very powerful strategy to find out where your man is in a relationship
and what he wants, okay?
Just a reminder, part one was come from a place of love abundance.
Recognizing that this guy isn’t your source for love, but your goal is to find out whether
or not he’s on the right path with you, whether or not you’re going to co-create
your relationship together.
So the man scan is to find out where he is and what he wants so that you can make sure
that you’re attracting the right guy into your life.
So here’s step number two – how to have this conversation in a way that opens him
up.
Step number two is: Pre-frame the conversation and invite him to be honest.
Now it’s important that you understand how men operate and two very strong desires that
men have wired up inside of them.
Number one, men had a subconscious desire to have their thoughts respected.
Number two, men have a deep, driving desire to please you.
Mean want you to trust their thinking.
They want you to trust their plans.
They want you to trust their ability to provide what it is that you want and they want those
plans and what they’re providing to bring you joy.
They want to deliver happiness to you.
When they do that, it literally juices us up.
It triggers something inside of us that gives us this sense of manhood, this sense of like,
“I am a stud,” right?
And every man loves that feeling.
So how does this play out in communication?
Remember, if your goal is to get him to be honest with you, men will be honest in a relationship
until their women encourage them to lie.
Now, you might be thinking, “I’ve never encouraged my man to lie.”
Well, maybe, maybe not.
Let’s actually peel the layers back.
Let’s take a closer look at this because most women, at one point or another, have
encouraged their man to lie.
So here’s how this plays out.
You want your man’s opinion.
And most women want their man’s opinion only when it’s in alignment with what they
want to hear – they’re fishing for a certain outcome.
And if what he says is in conflict or not in alignment with what she wants, how does
that woman respond?
Typically she’ll get defensive.
She might get mad.
She might start crying.
Crying, just so you know, is like kryptonite.
It’s like the plague.
A man would rather have his arm chewed off by an alligator than give his honest opinion
and how he honestly feels generates tears and crying in his woman.
It is horrible.
So those kinds of responses are the exact opposite of what your man deeply wants, which
is to deliver happiness to you.
So when a woman gets defensive, when she stars crying, she might start criticizing him, you
know, “How can you feel that way after this and this and that and blah, blah, blah?”
When she starts doing that, she’s communicating to him that, “I don’t want your honest
answer.
I want the answer that I’m looking for.”
So there’s a great way to encourage a man to be honest with you because remember, that’s
your end goal.
It’s to get him to be honest with you.
So pre-fame the conversation and invite him to be honest.
And here’s how it goes.
You say, “Hey, honey.
I have something that I really need to talk to you about.
It’s kind of important.
Is now a good time?”
Those words, “Is now a good time?”
– those five words – are extremely powerful for a man because they communicate that you’re
respecting how he’s choosing to use his time.
You know, is what he’s doing important and would it be okay if you guys had this conversation?
And it’s drawing him into the conversation.
So, “Is not a good time?”
He’ll think about it and he’ll say, “Sure.”
It also gives him an opportunity to move into the area of his mind that is open and receptive
and his listening apartment, if you understand the programs for how a man’s mind is wired
up.
The second aspect of this step is to invite him to be honest, and you do that by just
telling him that you want him to be honest and that it’s okay to be honest.
Say, “Hey, honey.
I have something really important I’d like to talk to you about.
Is not a good time?”
He sits down, he says, “Yeah.
Hey, what’s on your mind?”
Say, “I have something to ask you and I’d really want your honest answer, even if you
think it’s something that I don’t want to hear.
What I’m really curious about here is your honest answer on this, okay?”
And he’ll say, “Okay, shoot.”
And then that’ll move you into step number three of the man scan.
I’ll give you a quick example.
I was having a conversation with a buddy of mine and he was telling me that he was dating
this woman for a few weeks and she had driven down to his home, spent the night.
The next day, he went out and worked out.
When he came back from working out, he found her sitting on the couch and he instantly
knew something was up, right?
She was upset about something.
So he sat down, he was like, “Hey, babe, what’s going on?
What’s up?”
And she was like, “Well, I have something important to ask you.
Is now a good time or would you like to go shower?”
And he said, “No, now’s a good time and what’s going on?”
And she said, “Look.
I really just want you to be honest with me, okay?
Don’t worry about what I want to hear, giving me the right answer.
I just want to hear your authentic truth, okay?”
And she said, “Have you been with other women since we started dating?”
And he said, “Yes, I have.”
And she was like, “Okay.
Because I was cleaning the bedroom this morning and I found a long, black hair in the bed.”
Now keep in mind, this woman is blonde, you see?
So what she said next absolutely influenced the trajectory of that relationship.
So in video three, I’m going to share with you the third step of the man scan and what
this woman said next and then also what happened in this relationship.
So I’ll see you in video number three.