[Music]
and 2001 was an important film for me
because
i didn't understand it when i saw it
our dad had taken me and i was so
frustrated by the movie i kind of hated
the movie when i first saw it i was like
what is that stupid black thing
he was stupid and i was like i didn't
was that black thing and he said oh
that's a symbol and i kind of like knew
what the word was but then suddenly
i had a visual understanding of what the
word was it's like a symbol of what and
he said uh it's kind of like a symbol
for the
consciousness of god i don't even
understand what that meant
but it sounded amazing and so then i
asked him to take me back to see it
again
and i saw it again and then whenever i
saw the symbol i thought of like
god and it made more sense to me
suddenly
and this was like a strange phenomenon
that you could suddenly
look at something and then have
different eyes
and see it again and understand it in a
completely different way
[Music]
the answer is up there neo
it's looking for you let me tell you why
you're here
you're here because you know something
what you know you can't explain but you
feel it
you felt it your entire life you don't
know what it is
but it's there it is this feeling that
has brought you to me
do you know what i'm talking about
filmmaker lily wachowski formerly known
as andy came out publicly as transgender
on tuesday
something her sister and creative
partner lana did years before
there's a critical eye being cast back
on lana's in my work through the lens of
our transness it seems that you've been
living
two lives i finally came out to my
family
when i told my mom what was going on she
jumped on a plane immediately
there was this big tear-soaked
baptism and she confessed that she'd
been afraid to come here
to arrive and grieve the loss of her son
am i dead far from it
but when she arrived she found it wasn't
so much as a death
as it was a discovery i just thought um
you were a guy most guys do that there
was this other part of me
an unseen part she felt it was like a
gift
because now she could get to know that
part of me one of these
lives has a future
and one of them does not i stare into a
mirror
boy mirrors can be tough for all of us
but trans people
that can be brutal like everyone else
you were born into bondage
born into a prison that you cannot smell
or taste or touch
a prison for your mind i kept this
strange relentless vigil staring in the
mirror for hours
afraid of what one day i might see you
have to see it for yourself
the enduring power of the cinderella
myth is this catharsis this fitting of a
slipper
representing this intersection of who we
see in the looking glass
with who we want to be your appearance
now is what we call residual self-image
it is the mental projection of your
digital self i'm going to show them a
world
without you a world without rules and
controls without borders or boundaries
a world where anything is possible
here one checked box one letter
an m granted me access to legal social
financial privilege
while another box another letter and f
denied them to me early on i am told to
get in line after a morning bell
girls in one line boys in the other i
walk past the girls
feeling this strange powerful gravity of
association
as soon as i look towards the other line
though i feel a feeling of
differentiation that confuses me
i don't belong there either i stop in
between them
where we go from there is a choice i
leave to you
you hear that mr anderson that is the
sound of inevitability
when i see the headlight i take off my
backpack and i put it on the bench it is
the note in front of it i try not to
think of anything but jumping
as the train comes it is the sound of
your death
goodbye mr anderson we went to dinner i
dressed as feminine as i could wanting
to be seen by strangers as lana
hoping that waiters would not call me
sir or he my name
[Music]
is neil hi i'm lynn this is my daughter
lana
the waitress smiled and said wow she
looks just like you
of all the things i love about my hair
high on the list is the way children
stare at it with fascination
and delight i can sometimes see their
imagination
bright in their eyes recalibrating the
possible
it is my hope that a symbol like pink
dreads
might help them understand normal is
something that does not have to be
defined for you but rather by you
i am here because when i was young i
wanted very badly to be a writer
i wanted to be a filmmaker but i
couldn't find anyone like
me in the world and it felt that my
dreams were
foreclosed simply because my gender was
less typical
than others it's an excellent reminder
that art is never static
and while the ideas of identity and
transformation are critical components
in our work the bedrock that all
ideas rest upon is love you can't be
dead
you can't be
because i love you i know i am also here
because of the strength and courage and
love that i am blessed to receive from
my wife
my family and my friends and in this way
i hope to offer their love
in the form of my materiality so this
world that we imagine in this room
might be used to gain access to other
rooms
to other worlds previously unimaginable
he told me i wasn't really looking for
him i was looking for an answer
it's the question that drives us now
it's the question that brought you here
you know the question
just as i did what is the matrix