what are you doing in your own development that could be wasting your
time and your energy stay tuned hey this is Damon Cart from
NLP gym bringing you cutting-edge neural linguistic programming tools and
techniques to help you create the life that you desire so if that sounds good
please click subscribe to this YouTube channel so you can give these videos on
a regular basis there are three things in particular that I'm going to cover in
this video three things that I see a lot of people doing in personal development
that's really wasting their time wasting their energy and I'm guilty of all three
of them so I know what it's like I've been there tried them out doesn't work
well and I'll explain to you why so let's get right into this the first
thing is affirmations affirmations have been around probably since the beginning
of personal development it's probably one of the first things that was
utilized as personal development the first technique or whatever you want to
call it and a lot of people still use them to this day and every time I bring
this up and every time I'm critical of affirmations people come back and say
well affirmations I've worked really well for me and on and on and on so I'm
not going to say that affirmations don't work at all what I will say though is
oftentimes they cause more problems than they solve for example if I make $50,000
a year and I'm telling myself I make a million dollars a year or I weigh 260
pounds and I tell myself I weigh 160 pounds so this is the idea behind
affirmations if I say it enough times all right if I say enough good things
about myself then somehow it will then become true so one of the problems that
comes about as a result of this is that some part of you has to reconcile the
untruth of this so part of you will say no you don't you don't make a million
dollars you don't weigh 160 pounds and so what happens is you create an inner
conflict so one part of you saying that's not true and one part of you
saying this is true so when you divide yourself like that when you
in conflict with yourself this will drain your energy it will drain your
resources or cut you off from your resources and it's just overall not good
for you to be in opposition with yourself so that's one of the problems
with affirmations one of the other problems with that formations is that
it's usually not backed by actual experience that you've had so as soon as
you're confronted with a contradiction about what it is you are telling you so
yourself that you are it can be shattering it can actually crash you so
if I keep telling myself I'm 160 pounds when I really weigh 260 pounds and I
walk out the front door and somebody calls me fat I'm not going to take that
very well I'm gonna probably take it worse than if I wasn't saying the
affirmations at all some people try to get clever and they say well okay I'll
I'll say it as I'm becoming that or I'm going to get to that so I will become a
millionaire or I will lose a hundred pounds something like that the problem
with that is then what you're setting yourself up for is being in a state of
everything that you want or getting that you're saying your affirmations about
being in the future so if I keep saying I will become a millionaire and I say
that every single day I'm not becoming a millionaire it's not getting me closer
to becoming a millionaire it's constantly saying that it's out there in
the future what can you do what's the what's the solution here is there any
affirmations that are good yes I have heard on occasion somebody say a good
affirmation the one that I used especially when I was dealing with a lot
of self-worth issues in fact I suffered from self-worth issues or feelings of
unworthiness and not feeling deserved deserving of what I have for most of my
life and affirmations were one thing that I turned to and like I said as soon
as I would say these great things about myself and then I would encounter
introduc entre dictor e information feedback or whatever it would shatter me
so I finally someone upon one affirmation that I think really helped
me I don't really use it anymore I don't really feel the need to use it anymore
but it's the affirmation I'm enough so I go around thinking I am enough or I say
to myself I am enough it's really hard for any part
to oppose that in fact the part of you that normally has to reconcile the
untruths actually he's gonna have a hard time opposing that it's going to go
along with it usually has a deeper sense of wisdom that would go along with that
knowing that yes you have all the resources you need to accomplish
anything so yes you are definitely enough the other thing too is you might
be wondering why does that part of me oppose the things that I want what is
that part of me say no you don't whenever I say I make a million dollars
this is the part of your intelligence that keeps you out of trouble that keeps
you grounded in reality so that you don't go off thinking all these things
that are not true and getting yourself into trouble so you don't want to get
rid of that part of yourself that reconciles the truth that part of you
that comes forward and says no things are not this way things are this I can
clearly see that you know you weigh this amount or you make this amount of money
this is a very important part of yourself so you don't want to get rid of
it it's not trying to hurt you it's not trying to get in your way of
getting those things it just has to be grounded in some truth because overall
to be grounded intelligent and well-adjusted human being you have to
face reality number two is striving to be the best
first of all being the best in most cases is a very lonely place it's also
very unrealistic because there can only be one who is the best we've been told a
lot since we were kids most of us to strive the to be the best in some cases
we were told to be our best and I think that's much better I don't have anything
wrong with being your own best or being my best the worst part about striving to
be the best is it usually takes constantly comparing yourself to others
and this will get us into a lot of trouble as well as draining us of energy
and our focus you can play the comparison game you can compare yourself
to others you may have had situations where you compared yourself to someone
who you thought that you're better then if you go to pretty much any city in the
u.s. you can see you'll see lots of homeless people and you could say well
I'm better than that person that might give you a little
bump in serotonin or dopamine you might feel a little bit better about yourself
but it won't last very long and you're also then locked into a game
of comparison and you will most definitely encounter someone who is
better than you and whatever that criteria yes so you will meet someone
who makes more money than you who has a beautiful spouse or a spouse who's
better-looking than your spouse who drives a nicer car than you there's
always going to be something so you're going to be going doing this up and down
crash come up crash come up your state will not be stable because you're always
taking in this feedback and assessing am I better than that person or is that
person better than me it will not serve you it will not make you a better person
that doesn't mean that you should not compete with people competing or
competition can be very healthy it can that type of challenge where you're
challenging yourself to see what you're made of what's inside you what are you
capable of that's very very different in fact that's what I would recommend that
you do instead of comparing yourself to others explore yourself and one of the
greatest ways to explore yourself is to challenge yourself and that might be in
the form of competing with someone that doesn't mean you're comparing who's
better or in the sense of who has who's more valuable or who has a better life
or who's more deserving or worthy you want to stay out of that kind of
comparison but challenging yourself competing with others that's all very
healthy and also that doesn't mean when I say explore yourself that doesn't mean
that you don't explore yourself with other people one of the great ways that
we also explore ourselves is in relationship and also connection it's
hard to explore ourselves without relating to something external sure we
could go inside and we can think about what are my thoughts what are my
feelings but inevitably you have to relate to the world around you you have
to relate to people you have to relate to the stimuli and the feedback that's
coming to you and this is telling you something about yourself and about your
projections so explore yourself go ahead and do the deep exploring intimately
within yourself writing and discovering and exploring your feelings
but also explore yourself in connection and in relationship and in competition
and then challenge just stay out of the comparison game you will do yourself a
huge favor by not engaging that and last but not least number three is the
morning ritual my problem with the morning ritual has more to do with how
it's been so over height like this is my morning ritual imitate my morning ritual
I've got the best morning ritual I've figured out the iron clad bulletproof
morning ritual and some people go and imitate whatever guru spiritual guru or
self-help guru on their morning ritual here's the thing everybody has a morning
ritual whether you're aware of it or not most people when they wake up in the
morning they do the same thing or they go through a bit of a ritual that is
mostly the same every single morning whether you recognize it or not in fact
we are ritual type people we have our routines we have our programs we've just
do these things out of habit and then they usually fall into unconsciousness
and this is the programming part of NLP neuro-linguistic programming so we have
programs we have routines we have rituals so it's a good idea to become
aware of those programs to know what is happening to be conscious of them so
that then you have a choice about them so instead of the program running you
you run the program so yes the morning ritual can be a good
thing because if you if you become conscious of what your morning ritual is
and then you realize well if I do this and I do that differently or add this in
or I take this out sort of like a best practices then yeah you can really set
the tone for the day it can set you up for a greater success it can set you up
for feeling better for being more vibrant what I caution you about though
is thinking that it stops with the morning ritual what I would recommend
that you do is just think about all of your habits all of your rituals all of
your programs and then ask yourself well what would be better than what I'm doing
now what would be better habits for me to do what would be better rituals to do
so examine the big ones you don't have to
really tinker with the small ones unless they're getting in your way or unless
you want to improve something in that area but what I really want people to
take from this is to not limit it to the morning like if you have the greatest
morning ritual then you don't have to do anything else for the rest of the day
because you set yourself up for success and it's just gonna work no this is
about setting up not just a morning ritual but an all-day ritual and evening
ritual whatever it is make your programs your habits your rituals work for you
and sometimes there's really simple stuff that you can add or subtract from
what you're already doing that can help out quite a bit maybe you find that
you're not really paying attention to how much you're drinking and suddenly
you realize I'm drinking every single night three or four beers and it's not a
problem yet so it would be really easy just for me to take two or three or four
of those days out and not drink on those evenings so that's just a an easy
example of subtracting something maybe I could just add in a third and thirty
minute walk every evening to just give me some more exercise and also to
collect my thoughts and think about what do I want to do for tomorrow that's
another ritual another routine or program that you could consider a best
practice that could help you out in some way so that would be adding something in
so the thing is is that yes having a great morning ritual is a good thing I'm
not going to knock that I also think you should change up your rituals from time
to time if it becomes too routine it might not be helping you out anymore and
just don't limit it to the morning like have look at everything that you're
doing it throughout your day how do you optimize your day how do you just add in
and subtract out things so that your day goes smoother you get done more work
you're more productive and remember to include fun remember to include
something that makes you happy every single day that's basically what rituals
are there to do to serve you not for you to serve them and when they're
unconscious that's mostly what happens is you start serving the ritual without
the ritual you don't feel right or you can't adapt to not having the ritual so
be adaptable be willing to drop your ritual and start another one and just
remember don't limit it to the morning do great rituals that serve you pretty
all day long and in the evening as well
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