-What was it like auditioning them?
-Oh, well, it was -- it was, you know,
started off like 50 or 60 kids, and we would have that --
they'd come in and do a song.
And sometimes a kid would -- you could tell, like,
"Oh, she might be good at this type of energy."
So sometimes we'd assign them a song.
So this very talented young girl, Lexi --
we told her to do "You Oughta Know"
by Alanis Morissette.
And we told her parents, you know,
"Could you ever prepare 'You Oughta Know'?"
And she came in and she said, "I have 'You Oughta Know'
to sing by Alanis Morissette," and we're like, "Great."
And she's like, "But just the appropriate parts."
And I was I was like, "What?"
And she was like, "Just the appropriate parts."
And I was like, "Oh!
Yeah, yeah, don't, yeah."
-You forgot.
-I forgot the whole point of the song.
♪♪
So here's what happens when you watch two episodes
of "Family Feud" back to back every day
on the Game Show Network, GSN.
You don't become dumb.
A lot of people might think you become dumb.
You actually start to feel smart
because you feel smarter
than the people on "Family Feud."
But once your bar for intelligence
becomes the people on "Family Feud,"
two things happen.
One, you become very, very dumb. -Yeah.
-And secondly, you start to think that the people
that are good at "Family Feud" are smart.
You know, they'll be like, "Name a vehicle
that would come to a fire," and they're like, "Fire truck."
And you're like, "Whoa, this guy's good at fast play."
So that's what's happened with Donald Trump.
He's not good at running for president.
He's just good at "Family Feud,"
and these other people are terrible at "Family Feud."
So when the Steve Harvey of this election is like,
"Name something that is bothering Americans,"
and Ted Cruz is like, [mimics beeping] "Benghazi" --
[mimics buzzer] -- and then Trump is like, [mimics beeping]
"All the problems,"
and that's the number-one answer up on the board.
[ Laughter and applause ]
So he's pretty good at it.
-He's good. -He's good at "Family Feud."
-This is a sketch you wrote.
You and Colin Jost wrote this years ago.
-Yeah. And you didn't pick it?
-Uh, I, uh --
-You were the head of writing.
-I was the head of writing, but I thought --
I remember saying, like, I'm like,
"Save it for when he comes back."
-I'll wait till one of these writers improbably hosts.
You were a "Les Mis" fan as a child, so this was --
I should point out, this sketch is called "Diner Lobster."
-Yes. -And it was --
it was to the "Les Mis" soundtrack.
-Yes, it was about a diner that serves lobster,
as some in New York do.
Someone finally orders the lobster,
and we bring out the lobster, who's Kenan
playing a Jean Valjean type.
He's facing death.
He's lived in the diner for 40 years,
and the only music to accompany that is "Les Misérables."
So what we did was we wrote it
by listening to the "Les Mis" soundtrack,
and then we changed the words of the songs,
and we made them about being a lobster.
-That's sketch writing.
-And that was at the table in 2010.
-Yeah. -And I remember it was done,
and it wasn't like you were mad,
but everyone was just like, "Guys."
And then we moved on.
And now it's on TV. -Who'd you write it for?
Do you remember who you originally wrote it for?
-I think Galifianakis was the host.
-Oh, all right. -Yeah.
-Well, I think you elevated it.
[ Laughter ]
You were posting a lot of old photos.
This is you,
and that's Simon Rich and that's Marika Sawyer.
And the three of you wrote together
and dear friends. -Yes, we wrote about
three sketches together every week for three years.
We were the closest of friends,
and we would all sit with -- the three of us
would sit in a room writing filthy sketches all night long,
and you would kind of check in and be like,
"What are you guys doing?"
And you'd get a piece of it and be like, "No."
And so we were doing a Thanksgiving scene,
and we thought, "Let's take a picture
and we'll make a Thanksgiving card for Seth
and we'll give it to him."
So that was the photo we took,
and we made a card and it had this on the front.
It said, "Happy Thanksgiving, Seth."
And then when you opened it, it said,
"We [bleep] each other."
And then we signed it.
It was nice.
-It was nice. -Yeah.
You remember 18 months ago when you and all the --
all those people tricked me and confronted me...
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -...and said my life
was going downhill... -Yeah, yeah.
-...and I needed to make some changes?
Let's talk about the way you dress on air.
-Okay.
It's -- they cured the pandemic.
I mean, I don't read the news, but they cured the whole thing.
We're not working from home anymore.
-No, no, no. -You're not in an attic...
-Yeah. -...in Albany or wherever you go
when you're not here. -Yeah.
-You're still dressing like you had a date
and didn't want to wear the same clothes at work,
so you stopped at The Gap in Astor Place
and bought a sweater. -Yep.
-It's -- I don't like to do this.
You know I don't like to confront people.
-No. -But how about a suit again?
-I mean, if you want me to put that on, I'll put that on.
But I will say, I feel like we put a lot more
into our intervention for you.
-Oh. Oh, what?
'Cause I don't have a car waiting?
-That would have been really nice if you had a car waiting
to take me to a tailor.
-To take you to Pennsylvania.
You're gonna spend two months getting fitted.
Listen, you're a 32 short, right?
[ Laughter ]
-Did you really think I was gonna put pants on as well?
I'll put the -- here, I'll put the shirt on.
And while we're doing this --
-And look, I mic'ed the jacket. -Yeah, that's -- you did that.
-I did. Yeah, I did. -You did that.
-No one that works here helped me.
-While I'm doing this, 'cause I do take this seriously --
You and Andy Samberg, you co-hosted a talk show.
You filled in for Jimmy Kimmel,
and you guys took it super seriously.
So I get that.
-But that was -- that was --
we were satirizing how badly you could dress.
This is just --
-You can sit down while I change.
You're making me very nervous. -What if you need --
-You feel like I'm gonna make a --
like I'm going to run -- I'm gonna run for it.
-No, it's like...
My dad taught me at a restaurant,
when your mother leaves the table,
you stand up, you know?
-Yeah, yeah. -Look at that.
Look it -- right over the crewneck.
You're gonna be mic'ed twice. See, that's rare in late night.
-Yeah. -Go viral.
-This is -- yeah, for the kids who love sound.
[ Laughter ]
All right. -Now, this is gonna be good.
That way when I watch the show tonight,
I won't think I'm watching rehearsal,
which I normally do.
-Do you feel a lot happier? -Put on the tie.
-All right. -You're on TV.
-I feel like if this would have had --
this would have looked nicer if I did it backstage.
-Well, there's no time for that. -Hey, how was your --
-Oh, good, collar up? Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
See people go, "Now this is a show!"
-So did you have a favorite? Other than --
-You know what was a memorable one for me
was F. Murray Abraham, okay,
who was another Broadway star,
also plays, like, Dar Adal on "Homeland."
He played Salieri in "Amadeus." -Yep.
-The legendary composer Salieri.
My parents played Salieri for me in the womb.
But -- that's a fun joke. But, uh...
That's a twist. But he was my favorite guest
'cause he didn't watch the show.
You sat in the audience and had some frame of reference
before you came on stage with our two
70-year-old characters, Gil and George,
for the "Too Much Tuna" segment of the show.
F. Murray Abraham showed up, and he came in
in, like, a dashing blazer and turtleneck,
and he said, "Hello. I can't stay for the show."
And he goes, "I'm going to dinner
with friends from Europe," which is, like,
one of the most famous continents, right?
So we're like, "Do you want to know what it's about?"
He goes, "I don't need to know."
And then he exits, because actors exit.
They don't leave.
He comes five minutes before he's supposed to walk out.
He has no idea what the show is at all.
And JoEllen, and our wonderful producer, says,
"Can I get you some water?" And he says, "Champagne."
And luckily we had an opening night,
so someone sent me champagne, but I couldn't drink --
you know, violent alcoholic.
So she goes to get the bottle.
She pours him a glass of champagne.
He comes out, and he was seeing all of it for the first time.
So we go, "Ladies and gentleman, F. Murray Abraham."
And he walks out like, "Ah!"
He sits down and does the segment,
and then I dance with him. There he is.
There's me and F. Murray Abraham dancing.
And he walks off and he's like --
he takes a big bow. The crowd cheers.
He walks off stage, he goes,
"That's the most fun I've ever had."
And then he sees JoEllen and he says, "I love you."
And then he exited.
[ Laughter and applause ]
The best. The best.
-You are touring right now. -Yeah.
-And you take Malcolm on tour with you.
-Yeah, Malcolm is a great, great roadie.
Malcolm loves being on tour. We've gone --
He loved Saratoga Springs. He loved the Westin in Buffalo.
-Ooh. -They had one of those
fake fireplaces that's, like, glowing rocks.
And he sat down, he goes, "This is what I'm talking about."
He was so mesmerized.
-This is a photo of you guys going on tour.
This is a guy who -- it is not his first tour.
-No, this actually looks like a body-switching movie
where me in 2020 went into the body of a baby.
-Yeah, he looks like he's had one too many Enfamils.
-Yeah. -He got overserved.
-Like, this is tricking a star to go to rehab.
Like, "Oh, no, we're just going to Utah."
-[ Laughs ] And then he's like,
"What are you guys talking about?"
'Cause he's wearing noise-canceling headphones.
-I try to keep things very calm for him and I --
so I cancel out all the sensory experience.
You know my friend... -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-...Kiddie McPooch? -Yeah, Kiddie McPooch.
-Yeah. -Dr. Kiddie McPooch.
-Doctor Ki-- yeah, thank you. -Dr. McPooch, yeah.
-Yeah, he's -- he treats kids and animals.
That's why his name from birth was Kiddie McPooch.
-And when a guy like that says
don't work with kids and animals...
-Yeah, but I don't listen to him.
So 15 kids are great.
They really psych each other up.
They were very supportive of each other.
-Yeah. -They, like, you know --
some kids might have a bigger part in one scene than the other
and they'd all be like, "You were great," you know?
And in many ways, like, more -- a little more mature
than, like, people we worked with at "Saturday Night Live."
-Yes. That sounds a lot nicer than our --
and we liked each other, but you still --
-Yeah, but it'd be like, "Oh, that was yours?
Yeah. Okay."
But there were 15 of them, and they would get
really, like, riled up.
You know when they do the clapboard,
and they go like, "Apple mark,"
they would yell like, "Baker mark! Charlie mark!"
And this one girl every time would go, "Toilet mark."
And they -- and I know it's not funny,
but if you heard it 900 times, you'd start laughing a lot.
And so Reese Thomas, our wonderful director,
who's, like -- who's worked with every host of "SNL."
-Yes. -He's worked with everyone.
He's been under pressure many times.
One day they were just so, like, out of their minds.
And Reese ran up to them,
and they were just all talking at once.
And he went, "Do you behave in school like this?"
And one girl went, "We don't go to school."
[ Laughter ]
-We were on SNL together, and you hosted.
Congratulations. It was such a great episode.
-Oh, thank you. That was very, very fun.
-I was so excited to watch.
[ Cheers and applause ]
You posted a photo of when Jon Hamm hosted "SNL."
-Yeah. -We all dressed up
like "Mad Men"-era writers.
-Yes. -And we got drunk in the day.
-All of you did. I didn't. -Yeah.
And then we went into pitch dressed like this.
-Which is normally, like --
pitch, I would say, is a mundane meeting at the end of Monday.
Everyone's pretty tired.
It's normally kind of all business and a little fun.
And we got fully dressed up as "Mad Men" characters.
A lot of people forgot to do it, and so they threw together,
like, pieces of wigs and dresses.
Marika sort of just had a tie.
We were all smoking and went -- showed up to pitch drunk.
And Jon Hamm is there for his first time ever.
-Yeah. -And it was like Comic-Con,
but alcoholic.
-Also, Jon Hamm was dressed like a modern-day Jon Hamm.
-Exactly! -Which was very jarring to us
'cause we knew him as Don Draper and he was wearing, like,
a St. Louis Blues baseball hat.
-Yeah, he was dressed like a person.
And we were like, "Oh! You're not Mad Men like us."
-A lot of attention has been paid for you
outing how Colin Jost used to look
with that weird --
-Was that a secret that Jost had a beard?
-I don't know. -He had long hair and a beard
when I met him. -I think just people were
paying less attention to him, and then they looked back
in time and were like, "That's a weird choice."
-Oh, I thought the beard looked nice.
-He's getting a lot of heat for it.
I mean, we always thought he was a handsome guy.
He's getting a lot of heat for it.
-Yeah, there's not enough going on.
[ Laughter ]
I think he looks great with his beard.
-I agree. I don't know why I even brought it up.
-I'm gonna grow a little thin mustache.
-Oh, you are? -Just, I'm inspired by him.
-You're gonna -- just a real thin one?
-Just real John Waters. -The John Waters?
-Yeah, exactly. Ah!
-You're going to Australia? -Yes.
-You've been -- you've performed in Australia.
-I've performed in Melbourne before.
But now I'm going to Brisbane, Adelaide, Sydney, and Melbourne.
I've never been to those cities.
-That's very exciting. -It's very exciting.
-I know you've, like --
you've gone to foreign countries before.
Do you tailor your material at all
when you go on the road to foreign places?
-You know, I completely change every word of my act
no matter what country I'm in,
and I pretend I'm from the country.
-So nice of you. -I did that once in Ireland.
I was like, "How about when you go to Tesco,"
which is the supermarket.
And they were like, "You're not from here.
Like, we paid to see someone not from here."
I'm always a little nervous in Australia
'cause they have a lot of possums
and I -- you know me, I hate possums.
-Historically, yeah, famously. -I've never cared for them.
They look like insulation with, like, a whip attached.
And they're no good, and we all know that.
And I read, like, there's a lot of possums in Australia,
and then someone told me, "Don't worry.
They're not the same possums.
They're just a cousin to the American possum."
I was like, "I've never hated anyone
and then loved their cousin."
-It does seem like you gotta read pretty far down the list
of Australian animals before you hit possum.
-Someone -- look, you know, someone said --
yeah, it's not the most famous Australian animal by far.
-By far. -They have marquee animals.
-Crazy animals. They have some of the top --
I mean, top-five crazy animals.
-They've got animals in hoodies jumping around.
But I focused on the possums. -Yeah.
-Can I ask you a question? -Yeah.
-You have kids. -I do.
-What do you say when you meet them?
'Cause I don't want to be too formal,
like, "Hi. I'm John," you know?
-Well, this is gonna be hard for you,
and they will not know your work.
And so that is gonna be a really tricky way to start it off.
-That is. -Yeah. So that is --
-So they'll know me as a writer?
-[ Laughs ] Look, if she does her job
as a mother, they'll know your credits.
They just won't have seen the work.
-Right, right, right. -But that's an exciting thing
that you get to do it all for them for the first time.
-You mean I'd -- -Just like there --
you'll be there when they hear "Horse in a Hospital,"
you know what I mean? -Yeah.
And we're saying "they" 'cause it's triplets.
It's not really.
But if it was triplets,
could we name the ugliest one Seth?
-[ Laughs ]
♪♪