(intense music)
Come on, come on, come on,
it's gotta be something, it's gotta be here.
Keith has the same mouth as Ronald McDonald,
think about it.
Eugene, Ned, no one can be trusted.
Lauren is maybe the Burger King.
Rachel works for me, so The Network can't be above Rachel.
Walmart has motive.
Jake Paul and Miles, I trust him, but do I trust him?
Who is The Network?
- [Miles] Hey Zach!
Huh?
Are you ready for today's video?
Yeah, I am!
(upbeat music)
♪ Candid competition ♪
We've decided to challenge five restaurant chains
to find out who throws the best custom birthday.
The catch?
They don't know they're competing.
They don't even know they're in this video.
We're just gonna roll up
to five different restaurant chains,
with my elite squad of undercover spies,
for the most ambitious endeavor
that we've ever attempted on Candid Competition.
To get as much free cake as we can in a single day.
- [Miles] It's his birthday,
do you guys do like a birthday thing?
- [Ned] Everyone gets a corner piece here.
♪ Happy birthday dear Zach ♪
In the end we'll find out
where's the best place to blow those candles.
Happy birthday big boy!
It's Candid Competition.
(upbeat music)
Our competitors today are Olive Garden,
Cheesecake Factory, Benihana, Applebee's,
and Walmart.
Hey Rachel, how's it going?
- [Rachel] Pretty good!
What are you up to?
So today we're gonna find out
which store throws the best custom birthday.
- [Rachel] How many episodes did you get cleared?
So for this one, we're gonna go to different restaurants ,
we're gonna tell them it's my birthday,
and we're gonna see how do they celebrate me.
Today, we'll be judging our competitors on three categories.
Taste, birthday singing performance, and vibes.
How did they sing a song to me,
what kind of free cake do I get,
how much free cake do I get.
It's gonna be a fun day.
- [Rachel] Zach, aren't you lactose intolerant?
What do you think's the worst thing that can happen?
- [Rachel] I think the worst thing that could happen
is that someone doesn't celebrate you
and then that person gets fired.
Okay.
So, make sure that no matter what, they celebrate me.
(intense music)
So, for this experiment we have to be incognito.
The name of the game is stealth,
so we don't want to draw any extra attention to ourselves.
So, here's what we're gonna to do.
We're gonna go in and we're gonna be little spies.
We're going to be filming on a hidden camera
on my smiley face lapel.
We have Miles with his beautiful choke collar.
And we will have Wiz filming on a discreet camera
from the table across from us.
This is a very precise heist,
and we cannot sway from the plan even for a moment.
We enter, Miles and I sit down.
We're going to get two glasses of water, no ice.
As well as a hot green tea for me.
And chicken fingers to share.
Once the food is delivered,
I'm going to slip away to the bathroom.
Very quietly like a mouse.
And that's when Miles is gonna drop the birthday bomb.
Miles will get the attention of the server
and let them know that it's his boyfriend's birthday,
and he'd like to order a cake.
So, I have to say you're my boyfriend?
Yeah.
If we're just friends,
people are gonna think that we're just like,
oh, they're just here for free cake.
But, if we're dating, they'll know it's real.
(Miles sighs) Okay.
(intense music)
♪ Candid Competition ♪
So first up is Cheesecake Factory.
I have very high expectations.
I mean, cheesecake is in the name.
Yeah.
I'm picturing that I'm going to get
the most glorious cake the world has ever seen.
How's my lipstick?
Pretty good.
The trick is you, like do it, and then you go woop.
To make sure it's not on your, you know.
Gives you a nice clean break.
I don't know why you're asking me this.
All right?
Hands in.
Happy Birthday big boy on three.
One, two, three.
- [All] Happy Birthday big boy!
I didn't hear you say it. (laughs)
All right, so remember, I don't know you. (laughs)
(intense music)
Where's the front entrance?
Over there.
We're not a couple that holds hands, right?
I don't think so.
Nah, I don't. Yeah, that's not our vibe.
Maybe we shouldn't. Yeah, I don't think so.
Ooh, I'm nervous.
- [Miles] So, we'll be there right when they open.
- [Zach] And maybe just say I'm on my lunch break,
so we're gonna order fast.
- [Miles] Yeah.
Yeah, there's nobody-- Not open yet.
All right, we'll wait.
Wow.
(soft romantic music)
This place is lovely.
It is nice.
My favorite mall.
Oh yeah, I mean we could probably cut.
Right?
You agree?
Yeah.
(intense music)
Hi there, two.
It will be just a moment. We'll take you right over.
Okay, thank you!
You look like Frankenstein's monster. (chuckles)
Are you guys ready to focus on flavor?
- [Both] Oh yeah!
- [Miles] Absolutely.
I walked by you earlier. He was walking by us!
- [Miles] We've been fuckin' busted.
Flavor, performance, and vibe.
While we were doing the intro,
one of the servers walked by.
(intense music) Flavor, performance, and vibe.
He just came up to us
and asked if we were ready to focus on flavor.
That means we've been got.
We've been fuckin' busted before we even started.
I don't know how I was so stupid.
I don't know how I was so fuckin' stupid
to do this out in the open.
I've been doing this for so long and to--.
- [Server] Zach?
Yes!
Hi. How we doin'?
Good, how are you?
Good, thank you, shall we?
Yeah!
Thank you.
(upbeat piano music)
We've been got
and now we just need to hope that he's a friend of ours.
Friend of the show.
And that he doesn't tell anybody.
I'm really nervous.
My hands are shaking.
Hey, how's it goin'? Hey, how we doin' today?
Good, how are you?
Two waters with no ice. I'll do a hot green tea, and then,
do you guys just have, like, chicken tenders?
Yeah, we have, it's called chicken littles.
It's basically chicken strips.
Chicken littles? Yep.
People say I look like Chicken Little.
Do you see it?
I don't see it.
All right, well, I'm fine with that.
Thank you so much!
Remind me your name? Chris.
Chris, thanks Chris. No problem.
Well let's talk about the decor here.
Cheesecake Factory has always
confused the shit out of me.
Looks like the eye of Sauron is watching you everywhere.
They're like these lava-looking stalactites
hanging from the ceiling.
And then like, cathedral inspired painting on the ceiling.
I feel like I've been transported to another realm.
But, maybe that's part of the charm.
Thank you so much.
How many chickens do we need to believably eat
to make it seem like we're not just here for the free cake?
(laughs)
I'm gonna ask where the restroom is, in a second.
Okay. And then I'll pull the waiter over.
Yeah, but do you see him? Do you have eyes on our waiter?
I don't.
(intense techno music)
Oh, I see him, I see him, go.
All right.
Where is the restroom?
Back here.
You see the little arch?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you!
Hey, excuse me?
So, it's my boyfriend's birthday.
Yeah.
Do you guys do a birthday thing?
We do a little birthday sundae.
Awesome, all right.
(intense techno music)
Sorry 'bout that.
- [Miles] Yeah, no problem babe.
How we doin'?
Doin' good.
When's he gonna bring it?
He didn't say.
Okay, so it's going to be a surprise.
Yeah.
Well that's stressful.
Yeah.
(intense music)
Do you guys want any boxes over here?
Yeah, I'm just on a quick lunch break.
Okay, then I'll be back in one second.
He winked at me, he winked at me.
Is he hitting on you?
No. (laughs)
I mean, I know this is a hard question to ask.
But, should we kiss?
(laughs)
(intense music)
All right, so we have a birthday.
Oh my God, thank you so much!
Should we sing to Chicken Little?
- [Miles] Oh please.
I would love that. (laughs)
This is so adorable!
Oh, you shouldn't have!
Miles!
- [Servers] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ Are you not gonna sing?
[Miles and Servers] ♪ Happy birthday dear Zach ♪
♪ Chicken Little, ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
Thank you guys, I appreciate it.
This is so sweet.
Thank you so much. Okay, I'm gonna make a wish.
All right, make a wish Zach.
Wow.
No cheesecake? (laughs)
He said if we paid extra we could get the cheesecake.
Well, why didn't you?
Am I not worth it?
Well, I'm sorry. I wanted to get the freebie.
It's whipped cream and chocolate syrup.
That's it. (Miles laughs)
- [Miles] Is there ice cream in it?
Maybe? (laughs)
They're cheesecakes are amazing!
Had we gone for that, I think we would of had a better time.
They sang Happy Birthday.
Even though it was a basic song, the performance.
I felt loved here.
My one critique of their song.
If you could.
Would be that they didn't show up singing Happy Birthday.
Yeah, he came by and said,
"Do you want me to sing happy birthday?"
Now you're putting the onus on me?
No one in the world wants to be asked to be sang to.
Everyone likes gifts, nobody likes favors.
There it is.
I'm just gonna make it seem like I ate more.
All right, well, onto the next.
Next up, Olive Garden!
Now, this is crazy.
I've never actually been to an Olive Garden.
That wasn't one of the chains that we had.
The only interaction I've had with Olive Garden
is filming Keith's Eat the Menu.
I'm Italian.
My name is Miles Bonsignore.
I'm wondering if they have the Italian family spirit
that I grew up eating.
When you're here, you're family!
That's not offensive to do that accent right?
I don't know.
Okay, so we walked in and we were immediately recognized.
Hi, how's it goin'?
Are you from Buzzfeed? Yes he is!
I'm sorry. (hostesses laughing)
I love the Try Guys.
Oh, thanks so much!
Miles' outfit was complimented several times.
Ooh, I love your choker!
Where'd you get it?
- [Miles] Oh, thank you so much!
It was actually kind of a custom build.
And then we are sitting one table away
from the manager of the restaurant.
Weird to get here,
but do you guys have like chicken fingers?
Well, actually, I'm sorry. They're from the kids' menu.
Am I allowed to get chicken kids menu, no?
No, my manager's right there.
We're gonna have to be very good boys
on our best behavior, okay?
Wow, I'm really regretting that purchased calamari.
I can't stop eating it though!
(Miles laughs)
But, I'm feelin' the vibe.
I do feel like I've been transported
into the Tuscan hills.
My Diane Lane moment.
I'm under the Tuscan sun here.
Wow!
Maybe we should get a nice Pinot.
All right, well, I think we should start the operation.
Text me when it's good.
- [Miles] No he's fine.
Actually, it's his birthday. Aw!
Do you guys do, like, a birthday thing?
He loves Olive Garden.
He's a huge fan.
Yes, absolutely!
Do you happen to know what kind of dessert he wants
for his free dessert? Yeah.
I'm sure, if you'd like.
Oh, it's a free dessert and we can choose?
Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah.
What would you, what's your favorite?
Like what would you?
Definitely the chocolate brownie lasagna.
Let's go for that. Yeah, perfect.
Yeah, that sounds awesome. That's so sweet of you.
Cool, thank you.
There is a waiter back there who looks like sexy Tormund
from Game of Thrones.
- [Miles] I did see him. Yeah.
- [Miles] Yeah, he's hot.
(Zach laughs)
By the way, it's going to be good.
Oh my God!
Wow, thank you guys!
Wow, this is a beautiful cake!
Thank you, do you like this little heart?
You have to help us sing though.
You made a heart for me!
Yeah! Wow.
We're gonna sing extra loud for you.
Extra loud! Extra loud.
One, two, three.
[All Servers & Miles] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
I'm gonna sing too.
- [Everyone] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday dear Zach ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
(cheering)
Thank you, guys.
Beautiful singing voices.
What flavor did you get?
- [Miles] That was the chocolate lasagna.
(Zach laughs)
That was the cake.
She recommended the chocolate lasagna.
Are all the cakes named after Italian delicacies?
Oh, yeah.
This is worth whatever it's gonna do to me.
It's so good! It's so moist.
I am stunned. Absolutely.
This is one of the best cakes I've had in my life.
(laughs)
Wow!
Olive Garden brought the goods.
While the song itself didn't have thrills,
they brought the charm.
I've only been here for a short time,
but I do feel like they are my family.
If I run into them on the street I'm gonna hug them.
I need to stop eating.
- [Miles] Yeah, I should stop.
One more bite? - [Miles] Yeah, one more bite.
(Zach laughs)
So, we are back at Walmart
to see what they do for birthdays.
They always manage to put a smile on my face.
Hi.
Today's my birthday. Okay?
Do you guys do any? Happy birthday!
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Do you guys do anything?
Like, do you have like birthday pins
or do you do anything special for people's birthdays?
You know, like, when you go to Disney
and they give you the birthday pin?
Do you guys have anything like that?
Oh, I don't think we do. You don't have like hats or?
Is it your birthday? It's my birthday.
Oh, happy birthday. Thank you.
We tried.
- [Narrator] Eliminated, eliminated, eliminated.
Next up, Applebee's.
Well, yeah.
Applebee's was my go-to spot
in middle school and high school.
♪ Applebee's, Applebee's ♪
♪ I love me some Applebee's ♪
We drove 30 minutes.
Oh, yeah. I'm home.
How's it goin'?
Uh, two.
Oh, great, thanks.
I've never been sat so quickly.
Hi, so, it's actually my boyfriend's birthday.
- [Server] Oh, okay!
Initial thoughts on the vibe,
it's not quite what I remember.
It's a little tame.
It's got a nice Americana feel.
But, these are some of the best fingers in the game.
Attention everyone!
We've got a very special birthday.
Oh my God!
Thank you! Ready?
Five, six, seven, eight.
♪ Happy happy birthday, from all of us to you ♪
♪ We wish it was our birthday, so we can party too, hey! ♪
Happy birthday! Wow, thank you!
- [Miles] Thank you!
That was exciting and brief.
I loved it!
That was perfect.
Let's dive in to this.
Oh my God.
Everyone gets a corner piece here?
That's how ya feel special.
A little chalky, a little dry.
It needs the a la mode.
- [Miles] Kind of disintegrates in your mouth.
Finally, we've got the birthday surprise.
They blindsided me.
Love it!
Nothing could be more exciting than that.
As soon as they finished, they bolted.
(Zach and Miles laugh)
And last up, Benihana.
Now, for those of you who don't know,
Benihana is a hibachi grill.
Benihana, is arguably, a cut above these other restaurants,
but we're going to be grading and judging them
proportional to their price point.
I don't think they have chicken fingers here.
- [Miles] Don't speak too soon.
There's a whole row of tambourines,
which is very promising for what's to come.
The decor is fine, but the vibe?
On point.
We're sharing our experience with a lovely group
who want nothing to do with us.
They actually know who we are.
Oh really? I heard 'em talkin' earlier.
Well, how 'bout that.
- [Miles] We've been made once again.
We've been made.
Wow, we're really bad at this.
(laughs)
We are not, so you know, in previous episodes,
I was right that I am too famous. (laughs)
- [Woman] Are you guys celebrating anything?
- [Miles] His birthday. My birthday!
Oh yeah, here we go.
Oh, yeah! (laughs)
We're starting off good.
Oh, my God.
I hope he does the volcano.
Oh, it's a heart.
That's really cute.
- [Miles] You're goin' with chopsticks? Show off.
- [Zach] The first person to figure this out
must have been like, "I am a god among men."
Yeah! (group cheering)
Yeah!
Wooo!
- [Server] Do you want ice cream?
I know you don't do dairy.
Uh, no, we'll take it.
- [Miles] They kind of ruined the surprise of the birthday.
- [Zach] Yeah, a little bit, a little bit.
So, are they not gonna sing?
Uh, she better sing.
Fuckin' better sing.
There's a wall of tambourines.
I get that it's not actually my birthday.
But, they don't know that.
We drove 45 minutes.
Our compatriots have left.
And they didn't wish me a happy birthday,
even though I told them they were welcome
to celebrate with us.
Fuck, I see it.
I see the ice cream.
We're not gonna be sang to.
If we don't get a song out of this,
I'm gonna be pissed. I'm gonna be pissed.
(laughs)
So, what I need from you guys,
'cause I'm gonna sing by myself,
is you guys have to sing with me.
What if, Miles,
do you wanna get up and join with the tambourine?
Yeah, yeah.
I'll sing with you with a tambourine.
♪ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you♪
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you ♪
(sings in foreign language)
(shakes tambourines to beat)
Happy birthday!
- [Miles] Happy birthday Zach! - [Server] Thanks.
- [Zach] Thank you!
- [Miles] Stupidest possible ending.
(laughs)
Me and the lady just.
You guys are a special thing.
'Cause everybody was getting grumpy
and you guys still remained really calm.
Oh!
Even though we were taking forever.
Well, thank you, that's so sweet of you.
- [Miles] I thought it was wonderful
You were wonderful, thank you!
I take back every negative thing I said.
This was a great time.
It was only 470 dollars.
(bell ringing)
How you feelin' Zach?
It was a lot of cake and ice cream.
And a lot of chicken fingers.
I don't feel good.
(intense music)
Oh, yeah, we gotta pick a winner, huh?
At the end of the day,
it's not about where you spend your birthday,
but the people you choose to spend your birthday with.
This was a wonderful day
and I can't imagine it being any better.
Friends, or people you hire to film you.
No I'm Zach Kornfeld, I'm famous on the internet.
Do you know me?
I'm gonna sue you.
And every chain is only as good as their employees.
And those who are willing to put
a little piece of themselves into the work that they do.
(knocking)
Hey, Miles, come on in.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
I just, I wanted to say
I've had so much fun making these Candid Competition videos.
Thanks, kid.
You did good out there.
Got you a little special treat.
I went back to Walmart
and I got the cake from the Sandwiches episode.
I saw how you were looking at it and I just thought,
my boss has to have that.
Well, there's only one thing left to do.
♪ It's a beautiful day. ♪
You fuckin' did it Walmart!
Way to go!
Congratulations!
You are the winner of Candid Competition
for the first time ever.
It was gonna be Olive Garden,
they clearly were the best birthday,
but we decided to break the rules.
Fuck it!
You win, Walmart.
Way to go!
This has been Candid Competition.
Pew, pew!
We out motherfuckas!
(inspiring music)
Hey boss!
What's next for Candid Competition?
Well, now that we got through a whole season uncancelled,
sky's the limit.
(grunts) No!
(Zach & Miles yelling)
(intense music)
(upbeat music)
- [Rachel] Do we get to find out
who's been canceling Candid Competition?
No, there's a big cliffhanger.
- [Rachel] You know when we got the most free stuff though?
Is the day we got engaged.
Oh, Rachel!
You just came up with the sequel! (laughs)