This story is called.
"My wife wants an OPEN MARRIAGE..
I Filed For Divorce".
I never thought I would be in this situation.
My wife of 21 years wants to open our marriage and have other partners, but I am not comfortable with that.
I would just rather file for divorce, and move on with my life.
This is a tough decision, but I know it is the right one.
A few years ago, I caught my wife cheating on me once, and I forgave her, so I know that she is not loyal to me.
That was the final straw for me, and made me realize, our marriage was over.
It all started about 3 months ago, I noticed my wife's behavior started to gradually change towards me regarding intimacy, we were NOT as intimate in the last 3 months, I mean, drastically less.
She was also talking about wanting to "open our marriage".
I asked her what that meant, and she said, it meant that we could have other partners, but still be married.
I was shocked, and hurt by this.
I told her that I would never be okay with that, and if she wanted to do that, then we were done.
She said she was sorry, and that she would never do anything to hurt me, or bring up the subject again.
But, even though she apologized, it felt genuine, I still had a horrible feeling in my stomach.
A few weeks ago, I found some suspicious text messages on her phone from a guy she works with.
I confronted her about it, and she said, he is just a good friend, we talked about company issues, and that's it.
My wife works for a real estate firm, she does pretty well for herself.
I didn't believe her, and I asked her if she would be okay with me reading the messages.
She said yes, but then she got really mad, when I did.
She accused me of not trusting her, and said I was being paranoid.
I told her that I trusted her, but I didn't trust the guy she was texting.
She said I was being ridiculous, and that I needed to stop reading her messages.
I told her, I would stop reading her messages, if she would just tell me the truth about what is going on with her.
She said there was nothing going on, and that I was just being ridiculous.
I said okay, and gave her phone back to her, but I still didn't believe her.
So, as the weeks go by, I noticed, she was coming home later and later, and didn't really interact with me, when she FINALLY did get home, she would go upstairs and take a shower, and then come downstairs and watch TV,
She wasn't really interested in talking to me, or spending time with me.
I asked her what was going on, and she said she was just really busy at work.
Again, I didn't believe her, but I didn't want to start an argument, so, I just let it go.
The next day, I started to do some rearranging of my bank accounts, investment accounts.
My gut was telling me to prepare to get out of this marriage, and I had to call a lawyer to find out what would happen if we divorced.
After talking to the attorney, I made the decision to start digging through her things, to see if I could come up with anything.
So, I started snooping around her computer, when she was taking one of her "showers", and I found an email between her and this guy.
It was pretty damning evidence, they were talking about meeting up, to "hook up", and they had been planning this for a few weeks.
I couldn't believe it, my wife was cheating on me again, and had been planning it for weeks.
Now, I am starting to realize why she brought up the "OPEN MARRIAGE" subject.
After I found the email, my first thought was to hire a private investigator, but I decided against it, because I didn't want to spend the money.
So, I just sat on the information for a few days, trying to decide what to do.
I was really hurt, and angry, but I knew I could NOT stay in this marriage.
She has already betrayed me once, and I forgave her, because I took my marriage vows to heart.
But, this time, after finding the email, I will NOT forgive her a second time, so I have decided to file for divorce.
I haven't let my wife know anything, I don't want her to have a chance to talk me out of it, or try to convince me to stay in the marriage.
As far as I am concerned, she can have her OPEN MARRIAGE, but not with me.
Over the next few weeks, I started to prepare for the divorce, I knew it was going to be messy, and expensive.
I also knew that she would try to fight me on everything, so I had to be prepared.
The first thing I did was start removing her from 3 of my credit cards, where she was an authorized user.
Second, I started calling some places for rent to see if I can find a place to live, my wife has NO idea what I am planning, and I want to keep it that way, until I am ready to move out.
I live in California, so, I am probably going to get my ass handed to me regardless, but I have to try.
The only positive thing coming out of this divorce, we don't own a house together, we are renting a house, we sold our home 2 years ago, and haven't really looked for a replacement.
I called the attorney and told him to go ahead and file for divorce on my behalf, he said he would start the process, and send me the paperwork to sign, and file with the court.
I don't know when I will be back to update you guys on my situation, but, I will come back at some point to fill you in.
Thanks
This story is called.
UPDATE.
"My wife wants an open marriage - I FILED for divorce".
Since my last post, my lawyer has filed for divorce on my behalf, surprisingly one day after work, my wife had moved out, she didn't tell me, but, she was served the divorce papers, and she left them signed.
She wrote me a note saying, she fell out of love and just didn't want to be married anymore, she told me to take care of myself, and that she'd always love me.
She also said, she didn't want anything from the divorce, if you remember, she worked for a real estate firm, and she did well for herself.
At the divorce hearing, she didn't even have a lawyer, she told the judge, she didn't want anything, she just wanted to get out of the marriage, and move on with her life.
The judge granted the divorce, and that was the end of our marriage.
2 months pass, and I was told that the person she was cheating on me with, left her and went back to his wife.
Her affair partner's wife actually came to my ex-wife's job to confront her about sleeping with her husband.
She was devastated, and she called me one day, begging me to take her back, she told me she made a mistake, and that she loved me, and all this other bullshit.
I told her I wasn't interested, I told her she broke my heart more than once, I was NOT going to let that happen again.
She pleaded that she would do anything, give up her privacy, whatever, I wasn't buying it, I told her we are divorced now, I have NOTHING to say to you, then, I hung up the phone.
A few weeks later, she calls me again, and asks me to meet her for coffee, I told her I had no interest in meeting her, but, out of curiosity, I asked her what she wanted to talk about.
She said, she wanted to talk about the possibility of getting back together.
I asked her, why she would want that, considering how things ended?
She told me she was miserable without me, and that she made a mistake, and that she wanted to try again.
I was not an asshole or anything, but, I told her, I don't love you anymore, I worshiped the ground you walked on, and you stomped on my heart, I told her, I will NOT allow that again.
Then, I politely told her, not to call me again.
2 weeks later, her mother called me, and told me she was arrested for DUI, and that her real estate license is in jeopardy.
It's been 3 weeks since her mother called me, and told me about my ex-wife's run in with law enforcement.
And, I haven't heard from my ex-wife since I told her to never call me again.
This is the first time I have ever posted on a forum, but, I want to thank everyone who responded, even the negative responses.
I also appreciate some of the legal advice I got, most of it was spot on.
I appreciate you all.
I am a free man, and I can now concentrate on me.
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