Welcome to The Late Show I'm your host Stephen Colbert folks do you hear that do you feel that
energy crazy with an audience this hot I don't need to go to the gym [Laughter]
you guys give me strength I bet I could bench 240. boom
folks I gotta say you know it's fall I try to prepare got my flu shot got my
bivalent coveted booster but the one thing I did not prepare for was World Cup fever
symptoms include a little achy and getting excited about scoreless ties
it's by far the biggest sporting event in the world but this year there's been
a bit of a cloud over the world cup because it's being played in the country of Qatar a
desert country with a repressive regime and a terrible human rights record where their
leaders have made homosexuality illegal okay it's like it's like if Rhonda Santos had oil
so after Qatar was announced as the host seven European countries got together they
wanted to support the lgbtq community by having all their captains wear an
armband that says one love it's very nice it also makes sense soccer players don't
care what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't use your hands okay
now they planted these armbands for the last couple of months right everybody knew about
them but then just two days ago FIFA threatened that any Captain with the armband would be given
a yellow card okay a yellow card which is bad is it it's good it's a banana coupon I don't
don't follow the game now people people were outraged by this so in response FIFA said
they'd issue their own armbands that support varied causes like hashtag football unites the
world and hashtag be active and hashtag bring the moves yes the powerful social justice message of
bring the moves reminds me of the stirring words of MLK I have a dream that one day
we will all Shake our groove thing take me to Funky Town then yesterday just yesterday
yesterday FIFA ordered Belgium to remove the word love from their shirts yes the word love
is apparently an inappropriate message on a soccer jersey that Sacred Space is reserved for
celebrating important ideas like medical Flim Flam hucksters Russian State oil conglomerates and dong
that's a powerful message I mean hashtag dong
the homophobia there is so extreme we've heard reports that rainbow wearing fans
have been refused entry to the games they're banning love and rainbows
basically FIFA is the bad guy on a Care Bears Movie hugs and friendship will be
destroyed unless I unleash the power of my dislobinator machine also no beer ah
[Laughter] there is a one team not afraid to protest because yesterday
before their match against England Iran's players remained silent during
their national anthem in an apparent protest of the Iranian regime that is
I mean that's
that is incredibly Brave or they forgot the words
it happens oh say can those stripes with a flag that's all stripy Oh Canada
play ball the word is the players were expressing solidarity with Iranian women who have taken to
the streets in the last two months after a 22 year old named Masa amini died in police custody
the team wasn't alone Iranian fans made their pleasure known outside the stadium and displayed
the slogan of the movement women life freedom what are three things that are illegal in Qatar
Johnny tell me what I've won a free trip to not go to the World Cup and having as much beer as
you can drink on your new dining room set from Broyhill back to you Steve what else is going on
oh this just came in right we just found this out remember how the former president was the only one
in modern history to never release his taxes y'all remember that yeah well well and that the house
Ways and Means Committee has been fighting to see those taxes since 2019 uh 2019 we were so innocent
n95 was just a bingo number Pete Davidson was dating Kate Beckinsale and January 6 was just
National Bean day of course every step of the way the former president did everything in his power
to obstruct And Delay the release of his taxes going all the way to the Supreme Court but I am
pleased to announce by the power vested Enemy by the CBS television network just a few moments ago
the Supreme Court rejected the former president clearing the way for the house Ways and Means
Committee to get six years of his tax returns that's a long time coming it's a long time
now now follow this ruling now we can finally find out if he wrote off Eric as a loss [Laughter]
keep in mind keep in mind the Supreme Court is composed of three of his nominees and they still
rejected him normally to get three people to reject his requests he has to marry them
that's not really all really
you know what he's like that's not the that's not the only bad news for the former president
yesterday we learned that the Manhattan District Attorney's office has jump started its criminal
investigation into his hush money payments to porn star Stormy Daniels that's right Stormy Daniels is
back baby yeah forget 2019 it's 2018 all over again so break out those Tide Pods argue over
whether we heard Laurel or yanny and somebody stuffed that Thai soccer team back in that cave
foreign they're fine they're all fine Ron Howard made a movie about it they're fine
[Laughter]
this case has been kicking around for years it's been pursued it's been dropped and now
uh this case has come back to life in fact the push for prosecution is being called
the zombie Theory I don't everyone don't think it's fair to associate the former
president with zombies I mean he only gets his hair from a corpse it's only
how soon we forget
oh
it's only two more days two more days two more days till Thanksgiving which means you should
have started drinking three days ago President Biden kicked off the holiday early at a military
base in North Carolina we had a meal with Marines and their families and he gave a speech where he
shouted out to the youngsters imagine this has to be boring boring boring for these kids to
stand up here you're allowed to do anything you want including go steal a pumpkin if you want yes
you heard them right president of the United States told them to steal a pumpkin
that is a welcome change from a few years ago when a pumpkin tried to steal the presidency but there
you go there you go come on found that sweet spot delivery still make fun of his wife or his hair
Biden of course thanks the troops for their service and so do we and then and then Biden tried
his hand a little comedy so anyway thank you thank you thank you for all you've done by the way I'm
serving mashed potatoes so come to my place I'm the ball kid in the side thank you for everything
you've done so sweet that is really lovely it's a very nice impression too you bet he is serving
mashed potatoes that's the classic joke knock knock who's there I'm serving mashed potatoes
I'm serving mashed potatoes who all kidding aside thank you for everything you've done
to get to the other side
turkeys are not the only thing on the menu getting you sleepy this year because with so
many States legalizing recreational marijuana folks have begun celebrating Thanksgiving
but youngsters be warned Thanksgiving can be a gateway to harder holidays like crackmas
rosh hash Anna St Patrick's Day all right this is as big as a that's the most dangerous of all
I'm dancing with that chicken this is a big year for New Yorkers who enjoy Satan's spinach
because the state has just issued its first 36 dispensary licenses for recreational marijuana
wow New Yorkers New Yorkers are going to be so excited to finally try marijuana [Applause]
these dispensaries cannot open soon enough because due to a surplus supply and no legal
way to sell it there is too much weed stockpiled in New York right now experts
could tell New York had too much weed when it left the party without saying
anything sat on its bed in the dark and Googled can you be high forever
we got a great show for you tonight [Applause] I help you prepare your turkey take some notes
[Music]
thank you