"Stretching before you is the Makgadikgadi.
These are the biggest salt flats in the world,
almost completely lifeless and as wide as Portugal.
No car has ever driven across them.
If you run out of water you will die.
If your car breaks down and you can't be rescued, you will die.
If you run out of food, you will die.
It's like driving on a crème brûlée.
There's a primeval ooze covered with a thin layer of salty crust.
If you have thin tyres, you will break through that crust,
get stuck and you will die." So it advises:
"To fit fat tyres and remove as much weight as possible before setting off."
Well, how hard can it be?
Don't say that!
In camp, the weight-shedding began.
Ready?
That doesn't work.
Thanks awfully.
Wow, feel how much this seat weighs.
Like your work.
Fuel filler, I'll need that, maybe.
I don't want to take the hub caps off, really, 'cause they protect the... hubs.
-Can I point something out? -What?
Hammond's walking around his car, muttering about how he needs all of it.
I know exactly what he's doing.
He's formed an emotional attachment, hasn't he?
It'd be like saying to him: "Could you cut bits off your wife?"
What are you doing?
I was going to take the radiator grill off on the basis that it's just an ornament.
-Can I help you? -Please do.
-Do you want your windows out? -No, they're fine!
-I've worked that out because... -This is old glass.
Very thin glass.
Very thin.
God, they come off easily.
-James. -Yes.
-Using nothing but a hammer. -Yes.
-Here's your beer. -Thank you, mate.
Have we lost enough weight now?
You haven't lost an ounce!
I've lost the spare wheel and something else.
Now, look at mine. I'm going to need some guide ropes
to stop it floating away, like a big balloon.
-So, tomorrow we die, then. -No, I think it's like all these things.
-It's exaggerated. -We'll be fine.
Honestly, we're going to be fine. We've done enough
The next morning, on the edge of the salt pans,
we thought we'd come under attack from a Bond villain.
But it turned out to be the vice president of Botswana.
-That is a... [bleep] cool ride. -Yeah, it is.
It's better than an official Rover 75 and a couple of policemen on motorbikes.
He was amazed to hear what was being planned.
I've just never known anybody to go across in a car.
This should be the first time, I think.
There they are.
-Oh, really? -Yeah.
-Oh, really? -Yes. Right across...
That should be interesting.
You were smiling. You've just stopped.
Buoyed by the vice president's optimism, we set off.
Nothing really prepares you for the sheer size of these.
I think, in a way, that it is more frightening than the Pole.
Just absolutely nothing. You can see the curvature of the Earth.
As we ploughed on, the little Opel was going well.
Oliver is just skipping. Boo!
This car was born to do this!
Sadly though, despite the weight-shedding, my Lancia was not doing so well.
Judging by the way the tyres are kind of digging in as I'm driving along,
I think a little bit more has to come out.
Still, as you can see from the tyres' grooves,
I was doing better than the Merc.
I'm looking at James's rear wheel and he's digging in a long way.
I tried to help him along.
Really helpful.
Well, there's always the Beetle, James.
It's waiting for you.
-What are you going to do? It's sinking. -How far is that? A mile?
If that.
My Lancia waded in again.
Just a nudge.
-That's a crash. -There's a thing.
Unfortunately, because it was an automatic, it was useless.
So, we told Richard to try.
But he didn't want to hurt Oliver.
This was hopeless, so, we had to rope in the camera crew.
Three, two, one!
Because the ooze was so bad,
we had to get even more drastic with the weight-shedding.
We toiled away for hours.
Da-da! Oh,, God!
Well, two of us did.
And then, finally, we were ready.
Now, this is light.
Lancia Beta Coupe Superleggera!
Another modification
This is excellent.
Why don't all cars have no doors?
When I come to power, I'm going to make it a rule, 'cause this is just better.
However, the Makgadikgadi was not going to let us off that lightly
and soon even our super-lightweight cars started to struggle again.
Come on, just...
Oh, yes.
No, this isn't good.
Oh, no.
Only the Opel remained trouble-free, which was bad news for me.
Yes! Come on, man!
I'll go forwards, Hammond, then we'll do it again. Hang on.
How far is it?
Another five or six yards and we might be Bobby.
Oh, this is just horrible!
Keep going, keep going, keep going!
Yes! Yes!
No!
James, don't go there. You'll get stuck.
That's close.
Come on!
Permission to say cock.
Can we have everybody? We'll push it off.
We need 100 men or more.
No.
This is hopeless.
People of Surrey, you need four-wheel drive for this bit.
The gunk was so sticky it had completely jammed the Lancia's rear wheels.
I can't describe...
-You just think it's just mud.... -Do you know what it is? Fish!
It's just rotted, prehistoric fish.
One, two, three.
Mercifully the ground eventually hardened and we made good progress.
But then suddenly the horizon was no longer flat.
Now, this is interesting because we're now coming between what look like islands.
And I suppose they are. This was a lake, so, they would have been islands.
Amazing. Absolutely amazing.
Where are we?
It's called Kubu Island.
We're about...
a third of the way across.
And you've been stuck about 1,000 times.
That is smug.
A Baobab tree. I've always wanted to see one of those.
-Hammond, look at this. -Whoa!
It is just about the most astonishing place I've ever been.
I'm with you there.
As the sun set, we headed for the campsite.