Let me take you back to when Capcom's Street Fighter 2 came out.
I never heard of the first one.
But hey, this is an awesome game. Can't wait for Street Fighter 3! Then comes Street Fighter 2, the Champion Edition.
Oh, cool. Street Fighter 3 is next, right? Nope, Street Fighter 2 Turbo.
Ok, awesome. Can't wait for Street Fighter 3!
Super Street Fighter 2.
Um, cool. Uh, Street Fighter 3?
Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo!
What the fuck? At first, I thought all these updates were kind of nice to hold you over,
but how many times can you update the same fucking game? It's getting ridiculous. I'm not gonna buy it again.
Well,
then finally comes Street Fighter Alpha, then Street Fighter Alpha 2, and after that, I honestly lost track.
There eventually was a Street Fighter 3. Like 9 million versions of it.
But there is also Street Fighter Zero, Street Fighter EX, EX 2 and EX 2 Plus
Not to mention, way back on the NES there was Street Fighter 2010,
and I couldn't tell you where that fits in.
And speaking of Capcom, Mega Man's another series where the numbering got confusing. There's Mega Man 1 through 6 on the Nintendo.
But then on the Super Nintendo,
there's Mega Man X, which at the time, I thought it meant Mega Man ten, but then came Mega Man X2 and X3.
Strangely enough, there was a Mega Man 7 on Super Nintendo after all. That's right,
two different series going on at the same time. Then on the Playstation consoles, there is Mega Man X4, X5, X6,
X7 and X8. There is even a Mega Man 8, a regular Mega Man 8, on Playstation.
Now, only if they made a Mega Man 9 it would come full circle.
It doesn't end there either.
What's this? Mega Man Battle Network series? Mega Man 64? Did they really make it that far?
No, that was just the Nintendo 64's stupid gimmick of putting 64 at the end of every fucking title. Another thing that really
grinds my shit is when the Japanese and American releases of games differ. The results can also be pretty confusing. A good example is when
Super Mario Brothers 2 in Japan wasn't released in America till later.
But what we got in its place was a completely different version, though it was still called
Super Mario Brothers 2, and the Japanese one came later as The Lost Levels.
The Final Fantasy series is the prime example. Not being a hardcore fan,
I'll attempt to explain it to the best of my knowledge. From what I understand, Final Fantasy 2, at the time of its Japanese release,
wasn't released in the U.S.
Neither was Final Fantasy 3. But Final Fantasy 4 came out here, and because we didn't have 2 or 3,
it wouldn't have made sense to call it 4, so what they do?
They call it 2. Now, Final Fantasy 5 wasn't released here, either.
So when 6 came out, that became 3.
Final Fantasy 3 also happens to be one of my all-time favorite games on the Super Nintendo.
And I remember that after that,
Squaresoft started releasing the next Final Fantasy games on Playstation. Things changed, and now they weren't fucking with the titles anymore.
So when Final Fantasy 7 came out, they just called it Final Fantasy 7, and that's where the confusion began.
I wondered, what the fuck happened to 4, 5 and 6?
But what I really should have been wondering, little did I know,
what the fuck happened to 2, 3 and 5? Once I figured that out,
I was like, so there were other Final Fantasy games
we didn't know about? I was playing 6 all along and not 3? What a bunch of fucking bull fuck.
Now, let's talk about movies now, because I have a lot to say.
One of the things that really brings my piss to a boil is when there's a movie that has a whole bunch of sequels,
all conveniently numbered, but then they suddenly decide to stop numbering them.
Take Halloween, for example. Halloween, Halloween 2, Halloween 3, Halloween 4, Halloween 5,
Halloween The Curse of Michael Myers,
Halloween H2O,
and Halloween Resurrection. Oh, God! If they continue like this,
years from now, future generations aren't gonna know which order these films came in unless they do a little research first.
What I want to know is why was it okay to number the first five, but not after that? Like they're
embarrassed they made so many. Not to mention, each one
just sucks harder and harder. And if anything, the more fucking sequels there are, the more necessary
it would be to just fucking number 'em. The Star Trek series did the same thing. Right now
there's ten of them, Star Trek 1 through 6
were all numbered, but when they stopped using the original cast from the show, and started using the cast from Star Trek The Next Generation,
they dropped the numbers from the films, and called them Star Trek Generations,
Star Trek First Contact, Star Trek Insurrection and Star Trek Nemesis. Okay, well that's real fine,
but where'd the fucking numbers go? If they couldn't call Star Trek
Generations Star Trek Seven, then why didn't they just call it Star Trek The Next Generation, off the show,
and then call the next one Star Trek The Next Generation 2, and just start a new line of sequels?
But hey, some of the original cast was in Star Trek Generations,
so instead, they should have called it Star Trek 7 slash The Next Generation, Part 1.
Most illogical.
Actually, never mind. Just fuck it.
I've always praised the Rocky movies.
What a perfect string a sequel titles. Rocky, Rocky 2, Rocky 3, Rocky 4 and Rocky 5.
No subtitles. All roman numbers.
Consistent, perfect. But they're gonna fuck it all up now by calling the new one Rocky Balboa.
Seriously? Are you kidding me? Rocky Balboa?
Hey. My name is Rocky Balboa.
Why can't it be Rocky 6? Rocky Balboa sounds like it's the first one,
but just adding his last name. And what if they made another one? Would they include his middle initial? And then his date of birth?
But what a shitload of fuck. What kind of stupid excuse for a title is this? Reveal more of the character's name.
It's like making a prequel of Forrest Gump and just calling it Forrest. Now with talk of Rambo 4 coming out,
what are they gonna do? Call it John Rambo?
Your Worst Nightmare.
And speaking of Rambo, that's a series that somehow completely changed its title. The first one was called First Blood.
That's it. First Blood. The second one was called
Rambo: First Blood Part 2, and then the third one was called Rambo 3.
So, what, they just forgot about First Blood?
Fuck 'em!
The correct title would be Rambo 2: First Blood Part 3.
The Alien Series is also pretty fucked up. They start with Alien,
then Aliens, which makes sense. First there was one alien,
and now there's many. The title is consistent with the plot and it works.
But then, uh-oh, they make a third one. Oh, gee, what are we gonna call it? Can't be Aliens's. That won't work. Besides,
there's only one alien again. So let's just call it Alien 3. That works. There's not really much else
they could have called it.
But now you'd think it's time to start numbering the sequels from now on. You think? Or, would that just be too traditional?
Well, next one's called Alien Resurrection.
At first, I thought it was a fucking joke. Apart from resurrection being one of the most overused words to be found in a sequel,
there's no reason not to use the number four. I mean, you numbered the last movie. Why can't you number this one?
So what do you wanna do? Do you wanna number 'em or use cliche words?
I don't care which, but make up your fucking minds.
You don't start numbering sequels, and then go back to not numbering them. And there's more than one alien again.
So, why isn't the title plural, like in Aliens? What were they thinking?
The title of Bruce Lee's first major film was called the Big Boss.
But when they released it in the US the American distributors, or whoever was responsible,
decided to change the title to Fists of Fury. Okay, well, that's just fine, but the next one happened to be called Fist of Fury.
So
uh-oh, we fucked up. What are we going to call it here in the US?
We can't call it Fist of Fury
because we changed the last one to Fists of Fury
Call it the Chinese Connection, and from now on, just call the movies whatever the fuck they're originally called.
Jackie Chan made a movie called Armor of God, and the sequel was called Armor of God 2:
Operation Condor. Well, when that came out in the US, there was a little difficulty. Armor of God wasn't out yet,
so they decided to release the sequel here first, and change the title to just Operation Condor. Well after that,
Armor of God actually did make an American release, and it was called
Operation Condor 2: Armor of God. A complete reversal.
Now let's talk about the Zombie series. if you live in America,
and you're trying to follow these movies,
you'll find Zombie 1 through 6,
But there's no Zombie 2. What the fuck? A movie series with a missing sequel?
Well, here's the explanation. It started off with George Romero's Dawn of the Dead.
Yes, that's right. The sequel to Night of the Living Dead.
The European release of Dawn of the Dead was recut
and the title was changed to Zombie. Then, there's an Italian-made sequel called Zombi 2.
Yes, that's right. A sequel to a sequel, which spawned another line of sequels. Jeez. Well, when Zombi 2 came out in America,
they couldn't call it Zombi 2 because there is no Zombi.
Calling it Dawn of the Dead 2 would have been wrong because it has nothing to do with Mr.
Romero's original version. So, they just called it Zombie instead.
Yes, Zombi 2 is now Zombie. Not to be confused with the Italian version of Dawn of the Dead, which is also called Zombie.
So, when Zombi 3 came out in America, they figured, okay, fuck it.
It's only gonna keep getting more confusing, so just fucking call
it Zombie 3 like it is. But there's no Zombie 2. Fuck it. Don't change the titles anymore.
Now the UK, caught in between this mess,
just decide to leave the title of Dawn of the Dead alone, and change Zombi 2 to Zombie Flesh Eaters.
Then Zombi 3 would be Zombie Flesh Eaters 2, and so on, and so on.
Speaking of movie series with missing titles, whatever happened to the Naked Gun movies? First off,
why is the sequel called Naked Gun 2 1/2? What's half about it? After all,
I assume they incorporated half the script from the third movie into it, and therefore it includes half the next movie.
I guess that makes sense, except for the fact that I never saw Naked Gun 3. Or 4. Or 5.
Or any of them up till Naked Gun 33 1/3.
I mean, how the fuck did I miss that many sequels? I couldn't even find them anywhere.
They aren't even listed in Leslie Nielsen's filmography, so I guess he wasn't in those. Somebody help me. I can't find them anywhere.
Where's the other half of Naked Gun 3, and all the others up to 32?
I can't fucking find 'em. Where are they? I think it's pretty impressive if they're all numbered, and that's got to be a record for
the amount of sequels to a comedy. But damn, that one just blows my mind.
Well, I got to calm down now. So, that's enough of my gripes. Thanks for listening to my rants and good fuckin' night.
By the way, I'm just fuckin' around.