good morning
I'd encourage you to find your chair
it's a bit hard they're see-through
thank you very much this is some of my
best work I'm doing here right now
thank you very much thank you thank you
just gonna wait for the last little
couple over there thank you very much
thank oh I mean that's thank you I've
got more thank you for this opportunity
to speak here to be asked to address a
room some chock-a-block full of such
incredible people there's an absolute
honor for me there is after all nothing
a comedian aspires to more than a
breakfast year so I'm very keen not to
squander this moment I have and that's
why I've decided to use this opportunity
to speak about men because they need
more attention and who better to give
them that happy to help specifically I
want to speak about the good men
[Applause]
you're going to regret that clap I want
to speak about the very big problem I
have with the good men especially the
good men who take it upon themselves to
talk about the bad men I find good men
talking about Matt bad men incredibly
irritating and this is something the
good men are doing a lot of at the
moment not this moment not this minute
because the good men don't have to wake
up early for their opportunity to
monologue they're hot take on misogyny
they get primetime TV and the late shows
and I tell you what I am sick and sick
of turning my television on at the end
of the day to find anywhere up to 12
jimmies giving me their hot take don't
get me wrong there's not there's nothing
wrong with the jimmies and the David's
and the other Jimmy's good guys
great guys some of my best friends are a
Jimmy but the last thing I need right
now in this moment in history these have
to listen to men monologue about
misogyny and how other men should just
stop being creepy as if that's the
problem if only these bad men just knew
how not to be creepy that's the problem
men look men are not creepy I mean I've
said it men are not creepy do you know
what do you know what's creepy spiders
because we don't know how they move
rejecting the humanity of a woman is not
creepiness it is misogyny so why can't
men monologue about these issues well
they can and they do my problem is that
according to the Jimmy's is that there
are only two types of bad men
there's the Weinstein Bill Cosby type
who are so utterly horrible that they
might as well be different species to
the Jimmy's and then there are the F
OJ's the Friends of Jimmy
these are apparently good men who simply
miss read the rules garden-variety
consent dyslexics they have the rulebook
but they just skimmed it you know oh
that's a semicolon my bad I thought it
meant anal sorry to the vegans in the
room my issue is that when good men talk
about bad men they always ignore the
line in the sand the line in the sand
that is inevitably drawn whenever a good
man talks about bad men I am a good man
here is the line there are all the bad
men the jimmies and the good men won't
talk about this line but we really need
to talk about this line let's call it
Kevin and let's never call it that again
we need to talk about how many will draw
a different line for every different
occasion they have a line for the locker
room a line from when their wives
mothers daughters and sisters are
watching another lines when they're
drunk and fretting another line for
non-disclosure a line for friends and a
line for foes you know why we need to
talk about this line between good men
and bad men because it's only good men
who get to draw that line and guess what
all men believe they are good we need to
talk about this because guess what
happens when only good men get to draw
that line this world a world full of
good men who do very bad things and
still believe in their heart of hearts
that they are good men because they have
not crossed the line because they moved
the line for their own good women should
be in control of that line no question
now take everything I have set up unto
this point and replace man with white
person and know that if you are a white
woman you have no place drawing lines in
the sand between good white people and
bad white people I encourage you to also
take the time to replace man with
straight or cysts or able-bodied or
neuro typical etc etc everybody believes
they're fundamentally good and we all
need to believe we are fundamentally
good because believing you are
fundamentally good is part of the human
condition but if you have to believe
someone else is bad in order to believe
you are good you are drawing a very
dangerous line in many ways these lines
in the sand we all draw as stories we
tell to ourselves so we can still
believe we have good people and every
single one of us in this room number
amongst the most powerful storytellers
in the world and that means every single
one of us has an enormous responsibility
to be very very careful about the lines
we choose to draw that's it from me
enjoy your toast
[Applause]