- Do I look at the camera, or you?
(rhythmic piano music)
The phrase that describes me the best is,
better safe than sorry.
Closely followed by,
we're doomed.
My name is Jordyn
and I act like,
I think that an FBI agent is monitoring me at all times.
It's just this,
it's this funny thing that I do.
That I like walk around doing.
Definitely not the only one,
there is memes.
19 hilarious memes about the FBI agents who are definitely
watching you through your webcam right now.
So.
Hey FBI agent in my webcam,
can you send me an edible arrangement?
I'm having a pretty rough week.
His name's Tim.
I call him Tim.
And it's because it's definitely like a masculine energy.
But like a safe energy at the same time.
Like a,
like a Tim...
Duncan.
I don't think that Tim Duncan is my FBI agent.
That would be,
that would be silly.
I don't know when this all started.
I mean,
I had a Xanga in 2005 so,
maybe since then.
This is my
electronic graveyard.
And this is after I Marie Kondo-ed everything.
This one's not my *first* phone,
but I mean,
what?
It doesn't even have a camera.
Oh! Yes it does.
It doesn't have a front camera.
This was pre selfies.
Wow.
Look.
Teenage me knew.
This is from like 2006.
Oh but these are the real culprits.
Boom.
My these came out,
a wrap.
I'm just gonna say it,
when Facebook bought Instagram.
That is when I really think it started to pick up.
So I go into Gmail and search update terms of use.
And I search,
and it should bring up all those emails.
I mean we have Microsoft,
MailChimp,
all the airlines that I've ever been on in my life,
Spotify,
my bank, my cable.
Talking about terms of use,
update terms of use.
And they're like do you accept?
And I'm like "LOL yes."
Do I know what they say?
LOL no.
Most times, yeah.
I cover my webcam.
That's like the first,
that's like the basic.
Basics.
But me I use a,
like an official webcam cover.
And it's been really helpful.
So this is it right here,
and you could see like it sticks to the laptop.
But it also slides closed,
like that.
That's really cool.
And I got it for free at a film screening.
So again not the only one.
But I've been thinking about making like cute ones
and then selling them on Etsy.
And its funny 'cause like you can go
into Starbucks and see other people.
Like have theirs covered with like
a raggety piece of tape or like a sticky note.
But then there's like you're using public Wi-Fi.
There's laptops,
there's laptops but there's also phones.
And phones are like,
that's really the biggest,
like that's where I interact with Tim the most.
I think I feel.
Joe Biden.
Urban Outfitters.
Corn.
Peel and stick wallpaper.
Jimmy Fallon.
Jimmy Johns.
Jimmy Neutron.
Mountain Dew.
And then we wait.
Yeah.
I like to think he likes my taste in music.
He definitely hears it right?
(high-intensity rock music)
And trust me you know,
I know,
I know it looks like I am in it you know?
But I truly really don't take any of this too seriously.
So besides devices,
there's also like home surveillance right?
You can't rule that out.
So it doesn't matter if I'm in my house
or like an Airbnb or like a hotel.
I will always check the vents,
for cameras.
There's never been,
there's never been cameras.
I mean, to our eyes right?
I just always walk up to the vents
and look them dead in the eye,
like that.
And then you know,
I just have fun with it.
So sometimes you gotta give them a show.
Since they looking right?
You can never be too sure.
So just let them know.
I see you.
My friends they won't admit it you know?
That it's a thing that they might do.
And in that way,
I think that there's bravery in owning like this.
You know?
(FaceTime rings)
Hey!
Do you want to be in a documentary? (friend hangs up)
(FaceTime rings)
(friend hangs up)
No she didn't.
Tim has seen me at my best and my worst.
I mean he's seen everything.
When you think about it.
I don't know if you watch YouTube
but like all of them are like,
oh the algorithm,
Tim.
Like can you imagine?
(upbeat music)
Raisins.
Can dogs go on keto?
Serena Williams,
eh, I would search that.
FBI agent memes. (clicks)
I've always wondered why I feel like I have one.
I have only been to a protest like, twice.
And I know like the chances of that
are slim but it's just in case.
'Cause if it is,
isn't it funnier for it to be like,
oh that's Tim.
Not, oh privacy is an illusion.
Right?
Yup, next thing.
Peanut allergies.
Cashew mac and cheese.
(slides)
Sun-Maid.
I got a Sun-Maid ad.
This is real.
I'm allergic to all dried fruit.
So explain that.
(snaps)
DYI home decor.
Why does Parmesan cheese smell like that?
I'm honestly glad you caught that.
What's a sour raisin?
(high-intensity rhythmic music)
For me,
I'm just one of those people who I can never be too sure.
That good?
- [Man] Yeah, I think that's great.
- [Jordyn] Great!
- [Man] Awesome!
Thank you so much.
- That wasn't bad.
- [Man] Yeah, that wasn't bad at all!
All right, I think that's the last of it.
- Really?
- [Man] Yeah.
- Nice.
- [Man] Again, thanks so much for your time.
- Thank you.
- [Man] Really appreciate it. - Okay.
- [Man] I'll make sure to let you know
whenever the documentary comes out.
- [Jordyn] Bet.
Let me get it for you.
All right.
Bye.
- [Man] Thank you so much, again.
Bye!
- [Jordyn, inside] Dammit, his mic!
Well sir, uh.
- [Jordyn] Hey hey hey!
You forgot your mic.
- [Man] I can honestly say I think we got
everything we need.
It's honestly impressive to me that
she even got his name right.
- [Jordyn] Who's that?
- [Man] Don't.
- No.
- [Man] Jordyn don't.
- Who's that?
Who?
No.
Who is that?
- [Man] Jordyn relax.
- Hi. Sir.
Tim.
(ominous piano music)
- Stop filming.
I am getting this.
(ominous piano music)
- Stop filming!