(cop show music)
- [Tape Recorder] Welcome to Synergizing You,
an eight step program to self--
Chance, you totally rule.
Your hair rules, your jacket rules.
Theresa's a bitch, no one can touch you man.
- Suck it cops!
- Come on Moses!
- Just go. - Come on, he's getting away!
- Just go, I'll catch up with you.
- Seriously? - Just go.
Dehydrated.
Leg cramp, cramp.
Chance, leg out.
Chance, I need you!
(gunshots)
- You know, I really could've used
your help back there, Moses.
- No you did great.
- You're right I did great.
I jumped off a roof, tackled him through
the window of a guest house, I'd have to say
that's better than great.
That's pretty frickin' awesome I'd have to say.
- It was more like a garden shed, dude.
- There was a window in it, you shut up.
My point is Moses, what's the point of having a partner,
if you're not gonna get my back?
I mean what if he had a gun, huh?
- I didn't have a gun, I don't have a gun,
because I traded it for meth, ya'll, ha ha!
- Shut your mouth, get in there, watch your head.
- Watch your head.
Hey no offense guys, if I did have a gun,
woulda shot ya both.
- Listen, you have the right to remain silent,
I suggest you use it, we record everything
that happens back there.
- I'm just being honest, for the record.
Woulda shot ya both through the teeth.
- For the record, shut your mouth.
Moses, I gotta tell ya this, alright.
You need to lose weight.
- Okay, I may have gained a few extra pounds,
but I still get the job done.
- Wait, you literally just didn't get the job done
because you are fat.
- Hey, you were high on meth.
He was high on meth so he was probably running faster.
- That's not how it works.
- I believe that is how it works, I read a--
- Well I do meth all the time,
and that's not how it works.
- Okay, well what if you did have a gun,
what if he had a gun?
- I didn't have a gun.
- Well what, hypothetically, what if he had a gun?
- Well hypothetically anything could've happened.
- I could have had a chainsaw.
- You didn't even have a gun.
- Ooh, chainsaw's pretty easy to get.
I was just in a shed...
- Aw, forget about the chainsaw,
that's not believable enough.
Let's say you didn't speak English.
- Where ya going with that?
- Let's say I tackle ya in the dirt and I got your face
and I'm rubbing it and I say "Don't get up, fucker,"
and you didn't understand the translation.
- Okay, yeah yeah, I'm with ya.
- And what if you were running away
and you jumped over a fence, I mean there's
a lot of fences in this town now.
- So hypothetically let's say my partner needed me,
because there's a non-English speaking,
chainsaw-wielding maniac--
- Wait, wait, do I have a chainsaw, or a gun?
- You don't have a chainsaw, you still have a gun,
hypothetically.
- Okay, whatever.
Hypothetically, let's say your partner was being, um, uh,
a jag off, - Ooooh.
jag off, about a really sensitive issue
that you have, and you couldn't do your job
because he wasn't being supportive enough.
- Bullshit, there's no way you could run down this asshole!
- See, that's what I'm talking about, he's so negative.
- Yeah, don't call me an asshole, man,
I thought we were on the same page.
- I thought we were on the same team.
- We're on the same team.
I'm on the same page with him though.
- You're right, I haven't been so supportive lately Moses,
and I'm gonna change that right now, you know why?
Because I believe in you.
- That's weird, stop it.
- No it's not weird.
I believe in you, I believe you can catch
this asshole, jag off, meth head.
- I can. - I know you can.
- You know I can.
You know I can. - I know you can catch him,
I know you can catch him,
I think you should go catch him right now.
You believe you can run down this meth head?
Then run down this meth head,
he's gonna run your butt down,
let's do this, come on Moses, here we go.
[Meth Head] Wait what are we doing?
No, let's not. - Come on, get out.
Come on, out ya go.
Okay Moses, are you ready?
- Yeah, are you ready to be totally wrong?
- Okay, go.
- Well wait, you guys said you're recording all this right,
because if I'm gonna get a beating
I at least wanna have it on my YouTube channel.
- Seriously dude?
Get the fuck out of here.
- Three, two, one, got his ass!
- Go Moses!
Run, little trooper!
Run like an eagle, come on Moses!
Moses?
Come on man, seriously?
(puking)
(Moses sobbing)