Hello, it's Mark here from Make Hi,m Yours. And today I am answering your
question that a lot of you have wanted to know about. Emilia sent in a classic example
of this question. She said, Mark, I'm multi-dating right now, but I think the guy that I particularly
like has assumed we're exclusive. I don't want to hurt his feelings. So how do I tell
him that we're not exclusive but also keep things going in a nice way? Well, I thought
it was a great question and it was about time I answered it on this channel. So for you
Emilia, and for all of you watching, here is how to tell a guy you're not exclusive.
Stay tuned.
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Okay. If you're like Emilia and have painted yourself into a big awkward exclusive
corner, then I'm here to help bail you out. Today, we are talking, how do you have that
conversation? How do you tell the guy you're not exclusive? What we're going to do is I'm
going just talk about a couple of different situations. We're going to talk about what
if he's just assumed a little in the way he has done so with Emilia. What if he's gone
all out and just thinks he has a girlfriend and you're like, Whoa, I need to really slow
this down. And also what if he has gone, what if he is, so long distance and he's a long
way away and you want to communicate that, Hey, I'd like to keep things casual long distance.
Well, we're going to talk about each of those situations. Just before I begin, people ask
me questions about multi-dating. Mark, why do you recommend that? Shouldn't you be exclusive
from the beginning?
Well, look, this isn't the video to cover it, but you can find my video on
why multiple dating works. It's something that I and a lot of coaches recommend. So
I put the link up there to that one in the description. If you have questions about multidating
specifically. Now before we get into the exact conversation about how to say it, I just want
to make a quick note telling a guy you're not exclusive begins non-verbally if you're
doing this right, the majority of guys will have the social intelligence to realize that
you're not exclusive from the get go. If you feel like you're misleading, man, you could
be doing something like seeing them too often. If you're seeing them more than say, twice
a week a guy's going to get the wrong impression.
If you're talking about future projections that are way ahead of time, you
know, let's do this in March when it's only August and you've only been seeing him a few
weeks, that's going to give a guy the wrong impression. You want to make sure you keep
your other priorities and that on a nonverbal basis, you tell the guy you're not exclusive
to absolutely minimize the chance he will get the wrong impression or that you even
have to have this conversation at all. But what if he has assumed it? What if it's gone
too far and you think, okay, this guy is starting to assume we're exclusive. I've been really
good with my non verbal signals, but he just seems to have missed it and now I need to
tell him, well, here's how to have that conversation in a delicate way that still keeps things
going in the direction you want.
The first step is to explain where you're at with things. So explain where you're
at with you and him and where it is in your head. The next thing you want to do is explain
why. So you want to give your reasoning behind it. You want to take responsibility is the
third step and make it about you. So you want to frame it as your thing versus anything
to do with him. That way he doesn't take it personally. And the last thing is you want
to ask for his help with it. Asking for a guy's help is always a great thing to do.
It's a call to the provider, to the protector in a man. And when you ask for his help, he's
going to want to be there for you and do that with you. But it's not for every guy. And
when you're asking for help, you want to also give him the option to exit. The irony is
this actually takes the pressure off him to help you and makes him want to do it more.
So have a look at the way Jermia and does it in this conversation.
Mark: Hey, so just so you know, I'm the type of guy that I don't see anyone else when I'm
dating someone. I just wanted to sort of say that and let you know.
Jermia: Yeah, that's cool. And um, and I respect that, but I have to be really honest with
you. Um, I'm not in that same mindset. You know, I'm looking for the right person. So
I want to get to know different people and you know, one person really well before I
actually commit to them. Cause I've made a lot of mistakes in the past. So to stop history
repeating itself, I've made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to commit to anyone within
the first, you know, few months of dating them. So if you're happy to support me in
that, I'd love that and I'd love to keep seeing you. But you know, if you don't want to do
that, that's fine. I totally understand that. But I'd like to keep seeing you.
Simple gets the message across. He knows where it's at, ball's in his court.
Okay, but what about if the guy has gone full tilt? What if he's gone all the way? He's
calling you his girlfriend, he's changed his relationship status. He's asking you to meet
his family. What do you do when things have gone way too far? Well, in this situation,
you've gotta be a little bit more direct, but there's still a pattern of conversation
you can follow to do this delicately. The first thing you want to do is you want to
let him know your feelings about the situation, how you feel about the whole situation in
general. You then want to follow up by letting him know your feelings about him. So talking
about where you're at with your feelings, just in terms of him. And finally you want
to clarify where you want it now and again, give him the option to exit. Watch how Jermia
does it here.
Mark: It's so nice to be able to call you my girlfriend.
Jermia: Um, I have to be really honest with you for a minute. This is all moving forward
too fast for me. I'm not ready for this level of commitment, you know, with labels and everything
yet. So I'm really enjoying seeing you, but I need you to understand that I need time
and I feel like we might be on different wavelengths with that at the moment. So I'd really like
this relationship to move forward casually at this point. Um, if that's okay with you,
if that's not, I totally understand.
I know doing that sucks, but if it was you, you would want the guy to do it.
Now, the one final situation I get asked about is long distance. How do you keep things casual
long distance but still communicate that you liked the guy and we'd be open to something
in the future? Well, this is pretty simple as well. The first thing you want to do is
express your feelings to the guy, about the guy. So let him know how you feel. Second
thing is bring it back down to the reality of the situation. The third thing is to let
him know what your expectations would be based on the situation and what the reality of the
situation is going to mean for the two of you. And finally express hope for the future.
That even though you're long distance now that maybe there would be something in the
future and that you hope right now that that could still happen.
Jermia: So I really do like you and I think it's amazing that we get on so well and that
we talk so much, but we have to be realistic about this, you know, we live so far away and
not like we're going to get a chance to see each other all that often in the next like
year or so. And I think it'd be pretty silly to try and force things. So what I figure
is whatever you do is your business. What I do is mine. I don't have to tell each other
all the details, but you know, we can keep talking and keep connecting and you know,
who knows what's going to happen in the future.
Well that clears the fog on how to have three difficult, uh, but equally important
conversations. These are conversations that if you feel like the guy's getting misled,
you really have to have. Now, telling your guy you're not exclusive does start non-verbally,
and most guys shouldn't get this idea from the impression you give them non-verbally,
but some guys won't be as socially aware. Some guys you might accidentally mislead them.
Some guys will just get the wrong idea and you will have to have these conversations.
So that's how you do it in a delicate way. Make sure as well you download the guide on
How to Tell If A Guy Likes You. The comprehensive guide is now available from the websites.
I'll pop the link in the description below. I'll give you the link to that.
That's how to have all those conversations and make sure that you do. If
you feel like men are being misled by the way you date, or you just wanna get it off
your conscience, that's how to have the conversations and keep going with the guys you really do
like. You should always give the guy the option to exit. That's his choice. It's not something
you can control. Well, thank you so much for watching. Uh, give the video a big thumbs
up and leave your thoughts, questions, et cetera. In the comment section below, I want
to know what you think of all this. Thank you again for watching and hit the subscribe
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