- I AM EXCITED RIGHT NOW.
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY.
DRUMROLL, PLEASE.
[rhythmic clapping]
- OH, GOOD. YEAH, DO THAT
THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S PLENTY.
I DON'T HAVE A DRUM, SO I WAS HOPING TO SEE YOU DO THAT.
I'M INTRODUCING MY OWN LINE OF HOME DECOR TOMORROW
ON QVC.
[cheers and applause]
I'M SO EXCITED.
SO IT'S CALLED E.D. ON AIR.
ED IS MY NICKNAME, AND THAT'S WHY
IT'S CALLED ED.
IT'S MY INITIALS ALSO.
ANYWAY, I'M REALLY EXCITED TO SHOW IT TO YOU.
I HAVE ALL KINDS OF REALLY COOL THINGS.
I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS NOW,
AND IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING.
AND E.D. ON AIR IS SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED FOR QVC,
AND THEN LATER, I'LL INTRODUCE OTHER PRODUCTS OTHER PLACES.
BUT I HAVE VELVET THROW BLANKETS AND GARLAND.
I HAVE A LOT OF HOLIDAY STUFF
AND CANDLES THAT SMELL GREAT THAT I ALWAYS BURN.
AND ONE OF MY FAVORITE ITEMS IS THESE--
I HAVE THESE DESSERT PLATES THAT ARE REALLY CUTE.
BECAUSE I LOVE ANIMALS, AND SO I PUT THESE LITTLE--
AND THEY'RE DISHWASHER-SAFE AND MICROWAVEABLE.
AND THIS ONE SAYS, "I'M NUTS ABOUT YOU,"
AND IT'S A LITTLE SQUIRREL.
AND THIS ONE SAYS, "OWL ALWAYS LOVE YOU."
AND SO ANYWAY, THEY'RE CUTE.
I'M PROUD OF THE LINE, AND I'M HAPPY.
SO IT'S ON QVC TOMORROW, AND-- BUT THE--
[cheers and applause]
THANKS.
BUT I THOUGHT THAT I'D LET YOU IN ON MY CREATIVE PROCESS
A LITTLE BIT, 'CAUSE I THOUGHT--
THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT WORKED.
YOU KNOW, YOU GO THROUGH A LOT OF IDEAS
THAT DON'T REALLY END UP WORKING.
THOSE WERE CUTE, THE "OWL LOVE YOU ALWAYS"
AND THE "I'M NUTS ABOUT YOU,"
AND THERE'S, YOU KNOW, "HEY, FOXY,"
AND SOME OTHER CUTE LITTLE ANIMAL THINGS THAT I DID.
BUT THESE ARE SOME THAT I THOUGHT WOULD WORK--
THEY DIDN'T.
SO THESE WERE REJECTED.
THESE-- JUST KNOW THAT.
THIS ONE WAS A RHINOCEROS,
AND IT'S "I'M HORNY."
[laughter]
IT'S NOT GOOD.
DID NOT WORK.
NO.
REJECTED.
THAT DID NOT WORK.
AND THIS ONE I REALLY THOUGHT
FOR A MINUTE WOULD WORK, AND IT DOESN'T.
IT'S "I WHALEY LIKE EWE," AND IT'S NOT--
"I WHALEY LIKE EWE."
[applause]
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE,
AND THE PUN IS BAD.
"WHALEY" DOESN'T REALLY SOUND LIKE "REALLY," BUT--
"WHALEY LIKE EWE," "WHALEY"-- YOU KNOW.
AND THEN A SHEEP WOULD NEVER MEET A WHALE IN THE WILD, SO...
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT HABITATS, BUT--
AND THE PROPORTIONS ARE OFF TOO,
BECAUSE EITHER IT'S A SMALL WHALE
AND A GIANT SHEEP--
REJECTED.
AND THIS ONE,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I TRIED THIS ONE,
BUT IT'S A RAM, AND--
"I WANNA RAM YOU," AND I--
[laughter and applause]
I DIDN'T DO IT.
IT'S NOT ME.
I DIDN'T-- NO.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN TRIED THAT ONE.
THAT'S-- YOU KNOW,
CAN YOU IMAGINE PUTTING THAT ON THE TABLE,
AND YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW COMES OVER, AND--
IT'S JUST TERRIBLE.
SO ANYWAY--
BUT I THINK YOU'LL LOVE ALL THE REAL ITEMS,
AND THEY MAKE GREAT GIFTS FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
OR YOU'LL KEEP 'EM FOR YOURSELVES.
AND AGAIN, IT'S ON QVC.
IT'S LIVE ON-- TOMORROW, ON FRIDAY,
AT 5:00 P.M. PACIFIC, 8:00 P.M. EASTERN,
AND THEN IF YOU LIVE IN OTHER TIME ZONES,
YOU WORK IT OUT.
[laughter]