welcome ladies and gentlemen to The Late Show I'm your host Stephen Colbert and we are just
one month one month we are one month past the 2022 election which means we are deep
into the 2024 election we've already got so many Fantastic candidates to
choose from from the old guy with the red tide or the old guy with a blue tie
probably less old guy making a name for himself in the GOP it's Florida
Governor Ron DeSantis seen here with let's say his Miami caught in a vice
new Wall Street Journal poll says that in a hypothetical GOP Primary matchup DeSantis beats
the former president 52 percent to 38 percent yay also maybe boo it's hard to know who to root
for here it's like a poll between gonorrhea and a slightly more racist gonorrhea this is
apologies to gonorrhea this is all because what with the insurrections and the Hitler dinners
only the most conservative voters are still backing the ex-president while DeSantis is
trouncing him with voters who consider themselves only somewhat conservative basically the folks
who don't support gay marriage but think Andy Cohen does a great job handling those Housewives
so to take full command of the GOP all DeSantis has to do is reel in the coveted conservative
demographic of angry conspiracy Q Anon all meat diet tand your testicle boys [Applause]
and his opening offer to all of them is calling for a grand jury investigation of covid vaccines
you stupid motherfizer you want an investigation let me save you some time and money in the U.S
alone the coveted vaccines have saved more than 3 million lives and health Revenge
and helps prevent 18.5 million hospitalizations and
if that's not enough and because idiots in your party politicize the vaccine almost twice as many
Republicans died from covid before the midterms than the Democrats y'all killed your own boaters
it's the stupidest political strategy since the wig slogan of 1840 Tippecanoe and taunt a grizzly
still DeSantis is pushing ahead on this nonsense but since a governor does not have the power
to impanel a grand jury he's trying to get help from the Florida Supreme Court
Florida Supreme Court of course made up of a gator on a jet ski a leathery dude who gives
Bachelorette boat tours and he can't afford Loco with a DUI well I feel is pretty good that dude
looks pretty good well if DeSantis is going full conspiracy and attacking anyone who promoted this
vaccine I just hope he cracks down on whoever this guy is we know that there is no time to
waste when it comes getting shots in arms they're safe they're effective vaccines the messaging
should be get a vaccine because it's good for you to do it it works the vaccines protect you get
vaccinated and then live your life as if you're protected these vaccines are saving lives they
are reducing mortality in these vaccines make it so that your chance of survival is pretty
doggone close to 100 percent okay that's evidence right there that it causes genetic side effects
because this guy used to promote the vaccine but once he got it he turned into a huge dick bag
speaking of Dick bags Twitter CEO Elon Musk
seen here cosplaying at lobsterfest musk got some bad news this week because according
to both Forbes and Bloomberg Elon Musk is no longer the world's richest person
don't worry Elon you still have your sparkling witton personality here's here's what happened
folks most of musk's Fortune comes from Tesla but in the last year Tesla stock has lost about
50 percent of its value in part because musk's Twitter politics are adding pressure on Tesla's
brand image and it doesn't help that the new model X comes pre-loaded with Kanye's tweets
liberals liberals in particular out there are having a tough time with Tesla take a look at
this graph of Tesla's favorability among Democrats it's fine until October when he
buys Twitter and usually for Tesla to plunge off a cliff like that it has to be in self-driving mode
not great not you can cover that right oh yeah you got that you got that baby not a
great business strategy to alienate your best customers liberals buy more electric
cars that'll be like if Hooters came out with a statement saying they'd serve anyone
except divorced ads on their first Christmas without the kids who took elon's place at the
top well the new world's richest man is French luxury fashion magnate and Keebler Elf about to
eat that other Keebler Elf Bernard Arno as in ilon you are no longer the world's richest man
but as bad as things are for Tesla they're worse for Twitter in fact to cut costs Twitter has not
paid rent for any of its Global offices for weeks that's not cost cutting that's being a deadbeat
look we're facing economic headwinds so when the waiter brings the check I'll ask
must
isn't just skipping out on the rent Twitter has also refused to pay an almost two hundred thousand
dollar bill for private charter flights made the week of his takeover well you gotta fly private I
mean do you know how much commercial airlines charge to check your sink but musk has a plan
to make money he's going to start charging for you to get verified it's a service called Twitter blue
and the whole future of the company is riding on it so Monday he introduced this amazing new logo
okay that's either the new logo or a close-up of a 1974 Chevy van remember if this Fan's rocking
don't come and knocking because there's Nazis in there Twitter's not the only social media
app in trouble because yesterday U.S lawmakers introduced a bill to ban Tick Tock the push is
being led by Florida Senator and baby seeing a bright color Marco Rubio Rubio's bill would
ban social media apps with at least one million users that are based in or under the substantial
influence of foreign adversaries including China Russia Iran and North Korea which also
means Americans would no longer be able to use North Korea's Premier social media site LinkedIn
linked boom sure why not the two together
now 2022 is winding down which means we get to burn some tape right now with a fun end-of-year
Roundup you see today we got the 10 oddest Guinness World Records of the year and we've
got some good odd ones all of which I promise are real and from the Guinness Park first up there's
a new World Record for fastest time to find and alphabetize the letters in a can of alphabet soup
Jacob Chandler of Oregon who alphabetized all the letters one with only two minutes and 8.6 seconds
big deal I did it even faster with SpaghettiOs
another big winner this year at an event in October Japan's same name
Association of hirokazu tanakas founded by hirokazu Tanaka took the record for largest
gathering of people with the same first and last name that name Harold Peterson
now I know what you're thinking you're thinking Steve these records are all great but it seems
like none of them have to do with balancing eggs on the back of your hand well shut up because
we also have a new record holder for most eggs balanced on the back of the hand and
it's Ibrahim Sadiq of Iraq who managed to balance 18 eggs let's see Sadiq in action
[Music]
amazing it's amazing it's a move they call guy at the grocery store who won't get a basket because
he's only getting a few eggs one record that was absolutely shattered in 2022 most drink
cans placed on head using air suction which went to Jamie Keaton of Wisconsin here he is
he also set the record for world's most uncle all in Keaton got 10 cans to stick to his head and
face which is a lot but I have one quibble with Jamie why'd you keep the goatee that is vital can
stick in real estate forget a soul patch you could have had a tin chin we got a great show for you
tonight my guests Emily Blunt and Chef Jose Andres but when we come back meanwhile join us won't you
[Music]
thank you