We always finish each other's--
Sandwiches.
Let's talk about that.
( music playing )
Good Mythical morning.
On today's episode,
we're going under the sequined shirts on Etsy
and playing a game about the craziest bras we find there.
Yes, but first we wanna see how fast food sub sandwiches
stack up against each other.
It's time for...
That's right.
We are about top find out which sandwich chains
make the best subs,
and each sandwich that we are going to sample
will have ham, turkey, roast beef,
lettuce, tomato-- for yours but not for mine--
onions, mayo, cheese, oil, and vinegar.
Yes, we will taste and rate the sandwiches
on a scale from one to ten to see who makes the best sub,
but we're also competing to see who can identify where the subs came from
so one of us can be crowned the Sub King.
The subs that we are going to be sandwiching today are...
- Which? - Which Wich.
Let's do some eatin'.
As you can see, we can't.
All our subs are going to be brought to us
on the patent-pending Sub Sub.
Let's see it. Bring in the first sub on the Sub Sub.
Now, just to clarify, you can't see it.
No, I can't see it.
It has been determined
that we can use our hands because they're worried
that we won't be able to get an accurate bite
if we don't use our hands for it.
Oh. Don't use your hands to feel.
- I'm not feeling. No feeling. - Use your hands...
I'm doing it without feeling. Now, that's a fake sub.
- Oh, yeah. - That's plastic. I'm sure of it.
That is real. That's real.
I'm not feeling the sub. I'm just holding it.
- Rhett: Oh, gosh. - Link: Mm-hm.
I'm not feeling the sub at all.
Are you f-- is he feeling the sub?
No, no, no.
Don't cheat, man.
They can see you cheating.
Just because I can't.
Okay, this is a decent sub, yo.
I don't know, man.
Lots of bread on this sub.
I feel like the subs are gonna blend together.
I really feel that way.
Even though I did caress it quite a bit.
I feel like there wasn't anything that wowed me about that sub.
Being that it's the first one, when I'm trying to judge it on a scale of one to ten--
We always just give it a five to start with.
Five may become the new ten,
but for now, I'm gonna give this sub a five.
Um, it just was so average to me.
- It was average. - It was so average,
so I'm just gonna assume that it is average
and give it a five.
- Yeah. - Does that make sense?
And I have no clue where the sub came from.
It could be from any of them.
It could be from Blimpie, which is not even a choice.
No, it couldn't be.
Stevie:
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
Okay, here we go.
Three, two, one...
- Which Wich. - Jimmy John's.
I don't know about the Jimmy John 'wich.
All right, bring in the second sub.
I'd like chips between my sub bites
'cause I like to eat a little sub and a little chip.
Is this the bot-- What? Is this the-- Where's the--
I don't even understand this one.
( muffled mumble )
( grunts )
That's a better sub.
That is a better sub.
It's a juicy sub. Something's dripping on my arm.
That is a-- that is a good sub.
That is a good sub right there.
Never leave off the oil and vinegar from a sub.
It always makes it better.
Do I have any on my face?
- No, you're good. - ( laughter )
- Uh... - This is just so much better
than the last sub I tasted.
It was just better in every way.
Proportionally, the bread was better.
The bread was better.
The bread was a little bit hard on the outside,
soft on the inside.
- Eight? - I'm giving--
I was gonna say eight.
I'm not just trying to copy you.
I was also going to say eight.
- I recommend copying me, by the way. - Okay.
( together ) But where is it from?
( both fake chuckling )
Okay, I got a guess.
Okay? Three, two, one...
Jersey Mike's?
I wasn't ready.
There was a whole count and everything.
- Jersey Mike's. - ( laughter )
It is Jersey Mike's. I'm sure of it.
- Really? - I think it's the best.
They're so good.
I know that Jersey Mike's is good.
That's why I said it.
Sub it up.
( pops lips )
( sighs )
( sniffing )
I'm gonna start smelling them.
I think that would give me something.
- Actually... - That's a good smeller.
I think it might- I think it might give me something.
Oh, yeah.
That was a flatter sub.
Oh-- I think I got too much.
This sandwich artist
went light on the mayo
and everything, really,
except the meat.
- So I'm trying to-- - It's not a bad sub.
It's not as good as the previous sub.
Yeah, they just-- they weren't as generous with the toppings,
whoever made this one, so...
I don't wanna judge it by that.
I don't wanna judge it necessarily by proportions
because I feel like that varies from location.
I wanna-- I'm trying to just go with the quality of the ingredients.
We have to rank it first, and I think it good, not great,
Six.
Um, yeah, I did not think that was--
yeah, I agree that it should be a six.
Wow, we're just agreeing. This is no fun.
There should be just one person in this show.
I'm not gonna agree with my guess.
I'm not gonna agree with you on my guess.
- Okay. -
Three, two, one...
- Subway. - Firehose.
Firehouse.
"Firehose" is not an option!
- Firehouse. - Automatic X.
Back 'er in.
You know, I just don't really like subs.
You don't like subs?
I'm just remembering why I haven't even one in, like, a decade.
I think a good sub is great because--
I like a toasted sub.
...it's an excuse to eat chips.
I like a hot-- a hot sub.
- Oh, yeah. - This is different.
Now we're in a magical zone.
- Mm. - I need more of that.
This is distinctly different.
The bread is more shell-like.
- Oh... - It's still jam-packed full of nice flavors.
Man.
This is gonna bring you back on the sub train.
That's not bad for a sub.
I this this is a sub... period.
I think this is a sub I have not tasted before.
Do you like it? What would you give it on a one to ten?
- It is better- - I'm giving it a seven.
Gah, I was gonna give it a seven, man!
Frickin'...
We don't need two of us.
I was gonna give it a seven
because it's not as good as the one that was an eight
but it's better than the previous one, so that leaves me with a seven.
- Uh... - Bring it in so I can smell it.
I don't believe I've ever even been into this place.
and those Vine ads
didn't work for me, didn't help me get in there,
you know, when King Batch did that integration with this company.
You're on your own.
Link, you ready?
Mm.
Okay, I'm ready.
Okay. Three, two, one...
- Rhett: Jimmy John's. - Link: Which Wich.
I said the Which Wich.
- I haven't had that one either. - Me neither.
Bring it in.
What do you think the original intent
of designing a sandwich in this way was?
I like to think it was because
they needed to get it through a hole
- to feed to somebody. - Yeah, and mouths
used to be that big.
Like, mouths have gotten smaller over time.
There used to be subs, they go ( grunts ),
just put it right in there.
That's true. Oh, oh. Hm, dif--
This one's tall.
Uh-oh...
Now, this brings back memories of--
That's a good sub.
Like a good sub at a pizza joint.
Mm, that's a good sub.
Remember Lil Dino's?
- Lil Dino's! Yes! - Back in Buies Creek?
Doesn't it taste like Lil Dino's?
Did you ever meet Dino?
No, he was too small.
- Look right over him every time. - This is a very good sub.
Man, that's a good sub. I'm giving this an eight.
I don't even wanna overthink it.
For me, it ties
with the one that I thought was great.
But it was a lot smaller,
just like Lil Dino.
I'm gonna-- you know what?
I'm giving this a nine!
- Uh-oh. - I am so happy right now.
A sub has never made me this happy,
but I do not know where it's from.
I have a guess.
I have a guess because I-- of the oregano.
- I'm ready. -
Three, two, one...
- ( together ) Quiznos. - We agree?
Yeah, that's gotta be Quiznos, man.
It's Quiznos.
Because it feels somewhat nostalgic,
and it's been, like, 13 years since I've been to a Quiznos.
I didn't think I liked Quiznos.
- Last sub. - Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Take a little sniff.
Well, that's what I was expecting.
Smells like a sub.
What's it taste like?
It smells so different, though.
Oh, it's tall, too.
I think I'm licking that plastic.
I don't know how the sub under there works, but...
Good gracious, that's tall.
- Aah! - Hold on a second.
That's a good sub, too, man.
It took me a while to get it in my mouth.
Man, that is a good sub.
It was hard and soft at the same time.
The bread has a sweetness. Am I right?
You're right. You're not wrong.
I don't like that.
You don't like it.
I do not like the sweetness of the bread.
The sweetness of the bread. Like, I like--
I just like the proportions.
I like the way it-- the mouth feel of a sub.
Not something I thought I would ever say,
but I like it.
I like the way that it had ingredients poking out the side,
like, showing off a little bit.
- You know what I'm saying? - Oh, did it?
Meat hit my mouth first. I don't know about you, but...
Bread hit my mouth first.
What happened?
What did you do wrong?
Had to dig deeper.
- Uh, golly. - Uh, man.
I don't know if it's better than what I just had, though.
I am not impressed by this sub.
I don't know. Maybe...
- I don't know-- - I'm giving this a--
It's hard to judge a sub on one bite.
I'm giving it an eight as well.
Whoo! You're giving it an eight?
- Uh-huh. - I don't know.
I didn't think it was bad.
I'll give it a seven.
Where is it from?
This is not a familiar territory for me, this sub.
Yeah, that's why I gotta guess to a place that I've never been.
Okay, three, two, one...
- Firehouse! - Jimmy John's.
I said Firehouse!
He guessed Fire-- so we're gonna remove the blinds
'cause we're done with the guessing and eating phase.
Oh, my gosh, I can't see anything.
Stevie, uh...
It's so bright here. Why is it so bright?
- Tell us where we stand. -
your scores first, and then I'm gonna reveal
what you thought was the best sub.
- Link: Okay. - Rhett: Okay.
Rhett, you got three correct.
- Ho ho ho! - Dang, you lucky.
If you beat that, boy, you deserve every bit of the Sub King.
I do not believe I came... close to that.
Link, you got zero correct.
Zero, man. You really ran away with this one.
So that means...
I'm gonna be the Sub King.
...that you have been crowned Sub King.
Congratulations, Rhett. The big question is,
what did we rate as the best sub ever?
Okay, so your number two best sub
was the Which Wich sub.
- Really? -
was Jersey Mike's.
Yes!
Jersey Mike's is a good sub,
even though I didn't know which one it was, obviously.
- Yeah. - Whoo!
Link:
I hereby decree, as the Sub King
because that is what I am,
that Jersey Mike's is the best sub.
Please pay us.
- I will be eating some more-- - ( laughter )
Up next, we submerge an unsuspecting stranger
in a classic movie-makeover montage.
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