-And now it's time for "Get in the Cage,"
our flagship segment in which film star Nicolas Cage
sits down with a fellow actor
to discuss the craft and future projects.
So please join me in welcoming Nicolas Cage and Nicolas Cage?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Well, good evening, Nic.
You're looking very well tonight.
-Well, that's very kind of you, Nic.
You look great, too.
-Guys, I'm going to jump in here.
How is this possible?
I'm looking at two identical Nic Cages.
-Well, Seth I can explain if you just calm down!
[ Laughter ]
-I'm calm.
-Okay, as everyone knows, my dream as an actor
is to appear in every film ever released.
However, until now, I've only been able to muster
a measly 90 percent, bringing shame upon my dojo.
-Sure, of course.
-But fortunately today, science has prevailed
and I'm proud to announce that my cloning experiment
has finally come to fruition.
-I'm sorry. Cloning experiment?
-Well, that's exactly right, Seth.
I am his clone. -Oh.
Well that does make sense because you two are identical
in every way.
-Not in every way, Seth.
-While physically we are exactly the same,
there are some slight differences personality-wise.
-Yes, for example, this Nic is calm and stealthy,
like a ninja warrior.
-Where as this Nic is an exaggerated screaming psychopath
who really just doesn't exist.
[ Laughter ]
-That's high praise.
-I just, uh, I need to get this straight.
So only one of you is currently staring in
"Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance"
which opens this coming Friday.
-That's right, Seth, and it's not to be missed
for it has the two key qualities
of a classic Nic Cage action film.
Number one... -All the dialogue
is either or whispered or screamed.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-And of course number two...
-Everything in the movie is on fire.
-Wow, I have to say it sounds great.
-Hey, you mind your manners, hair gel.
-No, let's -- let's just calm down, Nic.
Let's do our self-esteem exercises
where we pay each other compliments.
-Alright, very well. I'll begin.
Nic, I love your charisma.
-Nic, I love your lions heart.
-Nic, I love your sense of humor, dry and marbled
like quality beefsteak.
No A-1 sauce required for this jester
for the tangy flavor rises from within.
Also I love your scent -- musky and masculine
like that of a Silverback gorilla
in a form-fitting leather jacket.
-That's high praise.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-It's just great how much you guys support each other.
-Well, it's easy to support a man with the rugged,
smokey features of a cunning cigar-store Indian
and eyes that sparkle and pierce the hearts of women
but old and middle-aged alike.
And that is the true meaning of Black History month.
-I just don't know what you mean by that, Nic.
-Yeah. Nevertheless, it's time for us to ride on
to our next adventure.
-What is that?
-We're going to have a three-way
with the Declaration of Independence.
-Nic Cage and Nic Cage, everyone.
-Now it's time for "Get in the Cage"
where actor Nicolas Cage sits down with fellow thespians
to discuss their recent work.
Please welcome Nicolas Cage and Liam Neeson.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-This is so great.
Nic, Liam, thank you so much for coming.
-Ah, it's an honor to be here with the great Nic Cage.
-Yeah.
That's very kind of you, Liam.
Now you're in the upcoming film "Battleship,"
a movie in which robot aliens invade Earth from the ocean.
-Yup, that's right.
-So I guess my first question is,
how am I not in that movie?!
It has both the classic elements I look for
in a Nic Cage film.
One, it's based on a children's board game.
And two, you don't need to speak English to enjoy it.
-Well, Nic, I'm sorry you weren't in movie, bud.
-Oh, spare me your pity, neeses pieces.
I don't need "Battleship."
I'm my developing my own movie.
It's called "Hungry Hungry Hippos."
I play a rogue marble that escapes from hell
to exact revenge on the hippos that killed his daughter.
-Wow, that -- that sounds really good.
-Don't condescend me, tall Bono.
[ Laughter ]
You know I envy your work.
Earlier this year you starred in "The Grey,"
a movie about a man fighting of a pack
of ravenous wolves with his bare hands, A.K.A.,
the Nic Cage story. -I'm sorry.
Seth, is there a question I'm supposed to answer?
-No, you just kind of let him talk.
-Okay
-You've also played characters named
Ra's al Ghul and Qui-Gon Jinn,
which of course are the names of two of my three testicles.
[ Laughter ]
-Uh, I can't believe I'm going to ask this,
but what's the third one called?
-We call him The Fixer.
They say he makes problems go away.
-Sure, that makes sense. Yeah.
-Look, you're a sweet kid, Leslie Nielsen,
but you lack the key qualities of a true movie star,
namely, the skin of sun-dried gremlin
with the oakey tan and chaotic hairline
of a Puerto Rican Bettlejuice.
And that is why we leave one chair empty at Passover.
-I'm sure that's not right.
-You just made my list, Schindler!
-What list is that?
-My Christmas card list.
I send them out in April when you least expect it!
-Hey.
Careful, Nic.
I have a very particular set of skills...
-Oh.
-...skills I have acquired over a very long career,
skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
-Yes, your famous monologue from the "Taken" trailer.
I have to confess.
The first time I saw it
I was so filled with terror
that Ra's al Ghul and Qui-Gon Jinn
receded into my stomach.
I had to send in The Fixer to bring them back home.
-That is possibly the most disgusting thing
I've ever heard.
-That's high praise.
Well, as my "Face/Off" co-star John Travolta would say,
"Which Jewish masseuse do you have to pork
to get a gig in this town?"
[ Laughter ]
They say you shouldn't judge a man
until you've walked a mile in his face.
-Nobody says that. No one says that.
-Well, I've walked in John Travolta's face.
"Face/Off," coming to theaters June 27, 1997.
-That was -- that was 15 years ago.
-I don't have time to argue with you!
And so now Liam and I will ride on to our next adventure.
-Oh, yeah. What's that?
-We're gonna kidnap God.
-And we're not going to let him go
until we get our damn money back.
-Liam Neeson and Nic Cage, everybody.
-And now is time for "Get in the Cage," our...
[ Cheers and applause ]
Our Peabody award-winning segment in which actor
Nicolas cage sits down with fellow thespians
to discuss the craft and their recent work.
Please welcome Nicolas Cage and Paul Rudd.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Thanks.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
You know, anyone who knows me knows I love the craft,
so it's really an honor to sit here and talk shop
with the great Nicolas Cage.
-That's very kind of you, Paul,
but the pleasure is all mine.
Now, you're currently preparing to film a movie called "Ant-Man"
about a brilliant thief who uses his superpowers
to shrink down and communicate with bugs.
-Yeah, that's right. Yes.
-So I guess my first question is how am I not in that movie?!
[ Laughter ]
It sounds like it has all the classic elements
of a Nic Cage film.
One, hot lunches served daily.
And, two, in between meals, soups were provided.
-Well, I'm sure you would have made a great Ant-Man.
-Of course I would.
I was born to play a superhero.
I have my own natural super-suit --
a thick, downy layer of coarse body hair,
impermeable to bullets.
It's like a barbed-wire, electric fence wrapped around
a deranged water bison.
-I don't know how to respond to that.
-Yeah, I don't think it really matters.
Seth, my old friend!
Wow! You look so youthful!
So it's true what they say.
You found the holy grail,
the cup of eternal youth long sought
by my father, Indiana Jones.
-Actually, my name is Colin.
-Don't correct me, haircut!
-So, what have you been up to, Nic.
-Oh!
Well, it's been a big year for me.
I hit 50 on January 7.
-Oh, is that right?
Wow. I can't believe you're 50 years old.
-No, I mean I did 50 movies between new years
and January 7.
-I think that might be impossible.
-Don't condescend me, Ruddney Dangerfield.
I'll suck out your eyeballs with a crazy straw.
A little trick I picked up in Tunisia while shooting
an independent film that will soon be on N.O.D.
-N.O.D.?
-Never on demand.
-Well, I can't wait to see it.
-Don't sass me, clueless!
I get your appeal. You're an everyman.
But so am I, if every man roamed his mansion in a silk Kimono,
cursing the Gods in some lost language until
the Santa Monica police show up and tell him
the neighbors would like to "move forever."
-I live next door to you.
It's a nightmare.
I saw you naked in your backyard,
and I had to take a three-day shower.
-That's high praise.
You're a sweet kid, Ruddyard Kipling,
but you lack the key qualities of a true movie star --
namely, a flowing mane of hair that resembles
a ferret carcass stapled to the skull of a classroom skeleton.
And that is why we light the menorah on Labor Day.
-That's a Hanukkah thing.
-I don't have time to argue with you!
And so I must ride on to my next adventure.
-And what is that?
I'm gonna tea-bag the Magna Carta.
-Nic Cage and Paul Rudd, everyone!
[ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you.