-It's cool you both have World Cups now, but...
I kinda feel like the odd striker out.
[silly sounds]
[phone ringing]
-Yo?
-Hey! I was just thinking...
what if you came to visit me in Saudi Arabia?
We could play a match...
-Yooo, that sounds dope!
-Excellent.
I'm looking forwards to it.
[hangs up]
-Yes! Yes! Somebody likes me man!
-Soon the mansion will be all mine.
[diabolical laughter]
What happens when 800 of the world’s most elite footballers
and their managers live together under one roof?
Players stop being polite and start getting...
Real.
This is The Champions.
-At Dortmund, we are innovators.
We have found unprecedented ways to totally blow it.
-Zlatan very much enjoyed the new season of Ted Lasso,
especially Zava who is cleary the central hero of the story.
-Sometimes life is so stressful
I wish I could just be my Call of Duty operator
and frolic through a warzone without a care in the world.
Just me and my best friends
Pineapple_Sauce, KeefBlaster420 and anon67024318.
-Hey Todd, how do you feel about Chelsea
missing the Champions League next year?
-Ah shoot, did I forget to pay that?
Who do I make the check out to?
[coins jingling]
-Well.
I can honestly say
I have no regrets...
Right, Marcelo??
[gasp] Remember our cool best friends handshake we had?
Hoo- Ha-
Siuuuuuuu!
[laughs]
Hey!
You stay out of this Leo!
Always ruining my fun.
Me? I'm great. Peak of my career. Why do you ask?
[squirt]
Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.
[honking]
Huh?
[gasps]
[struggling]
Neymar!
I can't believe you're here,
this is so exciting,
come let me show you around!
So here's where they print the money.
Over here are my Ronaldbros
in case I need to bully someone into deleting a tweet.
You know how that goes.
And this is my cryogenic chamber so I can live forever.
Oh, ignore the mural.
The Saudi's are really trying to make Newcastle a thing.
-Why is it so empty? There's like nobody here.
-Oh, they're coming. Mark my words.
Soon this place will be crawling with superstars –
like this guy!
You know...
What's your name again?
-David Ospina.
-David Ospina!
-Spraining my ankle in the World Cup
was less painful than this, man.
[slurping]
[slurp]
[swallow]
-More protein tea?
-Nah, I'm good.
-So...
what do you like to do for fun?
-I don't know.
Football?
-Oh yeah, me too, me too.
Um...
When's your birthday?
-February 5th.
-Shut.
The [bleep].
Up.
My birthday is February 5th!
-Yoooo!
That's crazy!
We share the same birthday?
-No, you share my birthday.
-Hold on, what's your sign?
-Aquarius.
-Me too!
-On the count of three,
what hair style did you have when you were in your best form?
-One -One
-Two -Two
-Three -Three
-Frosted tips! -Frosted tips!
-OHHHHHH! -OHHHHHH!
-Yo, I never realized how much we had in common, man.
I'm so glad you called me!
-Wait, what?
-Yeah like two days ago when you called me,
invited me to Saudi Arabia
and said like I'd get free money and shit.
-Uh, what are you talking about?
I never called you.
[silly noises]
[phone ringing]
-Hello? Karim the Dream?
-This is the Dream speaking.
-Dream! It's Ronaldo!
-Stop calling me!
I'm not coming to Saudi Arabia to hang out with you,
I'm only coming for the money!
-Uh oh, sounds like someone's still mad
I didn't come to their Ballon d'Or ceremony.
-What is up with your voice? It sounds a little...
French.
-What? French?
I- I- I have no idea what you're talking about.
[turning]
Everyone is so mean to me!
I'm storming away now.
No more questions!
[hangs up]
Agh.
You may have taken the first leg, Karim,
but I will beat you on aggregate.
-Mr. Kylian! Sir!
Your plan is working!
They’re getting on the airplane!
-Yesssss.
Soon all the old players will fade into obscurity
and football's new world order can begin.
The GOAT rivalry...
is getting a reboot.