-The last time I saw you,
you were telling me about buying stuff for your baby,
and then I went out and bought stuff for your baby.
-Yeah. I made a subtle --
I subtly dropped a hint to you
that you should buy me something for my baby.
-"I have a baby. I need stuff."
I´m like, "Okay. All right."
[ Laughter ] -Thank you so much.
Well, I´m so happy to see you since the last time I saw you,
because, you know, Trump talks about fake news a lot.
You were also a victim of fake news,
which is better than being a victim of what this said.
I read that you were shot dead recently.
And, uh... [ Laughter ]
Were you shocked when you read this?
-I was, I was. -Yeah.
-´Cause I do the shooting. -[ Laughing ] Yeah.
-I was thrown back.
You know what´s weird is, when you see that,
you don´t know about it.
You´re the last person to know about it.
-Right. -So everyone, like, phones you,
and then everyone could, like, be phoning your family.
And then the weirdest is when people send you a text going,
"Dude, are you dead?" -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -And I always go --
I go, like, "What do you think I´m gonna...?"
So sometimes I just don´t reply. -Yeah.
And then, it´s like, whatever.
-They slowly piece together, "This is very bad news."
-Yeah. But I mean, that´s the Internet.
Welcome to fake news. -Welcome to fake news.
You and I are both in the business
of talking about politics. -Yes.
-So right now, we´re talking about the president a lot.
-Right. -I have heard you say
that you actually relate to him not as a politician,
but you relate to him as a stand-up comedian.
-Well, I think that´s a part of Donald Trump I relate to.
You know, I always think
we try and put Donald Trump into one box,
and I think he lives in many boxes...
[ Laughter ]
...one of them being the box that he´s a stand-up comedian.
You probably see it in him.
Like, he goes out, he practices his jokes,
he works on his material.
You can see him trying it out. -Yeah.
-Like, he´ll be like, "What do you think?
Sheriff Arpaio? What do you think?
What do you think?" [ Laughter ]
And you can feel, he´s like, "Yeah."
And the crowd cheers, and he´s like,
"Oh, I´m working on that bit. I´m working on that bit."
And he, like -- he, like, works the material,
he grows it, he goes out there.
And then you can feel when it´s starting to get old,
like, he´s like, "Who´s gonna pay? Mexico!"
And some jokes you feel the crowd sort of like,
"Yeah, yeah, new jokes, new jokes.
We get it."
-Yeah, and it is true, like, ´cause "build the wall,"
I feel like that was just a bit that crushed.
-That was it.
-And then, now he realizes he has to build a wall.
-Yeah.
-And it was just a killer comedy bit.
-Well, can you imagine if we had to do the things
we said in our jokes. -Exactly!
-I mean, I would be like,
"I don´t want to be a comedian anymore."
-Yeah. If Larry the Cable Guy actually had to get ´er done...
[ Laughter ]
...his life would be impossible.
Do you have any notes on his performance?
-Look, I mean, just work on new material.
Try something new. I was impressed with him today,
like, working with the Democrats.
That shook everybody up. -Yeah.
-I was like, "Okay, okay. That´s something different.
That´s something new."
And Republicans were like, "Wait. I´m sorry, the what?
The what? The who?"
Even Democrats were like, "You want to work with us?
You want to work with...?"
Yeah, this is new.
-I mean, do you think Democrats, when that happens,
feels like, "Is this some weird prank
when he reaches out to be helpful?"
-I don´t know. I don´t know.
I think people are just, like, "Just do it.
Just do it now while he´s, like, here.
Just do it." -Yeah.
-Because Trump goes, "I walk into a room,
let´s make a deal, let´s speak,"
And I think Chuck Schumer knows him well enough.
Because, I mean, they used to hang out in New York.
And he´s like, "Yeah, let´s do it, Chuck.
Let´s just do the deal."
And then he walks out, and he goes to the Republicans,
he´s like, "I made a deal. You´re gonna love it."
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
-And Mitch McConnell probably got so angry,
his neck started wobbling.
He was just like -- He was just like, "Waaah! Waah!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
-And there is -- It´s scary.
Obviously, a lot of people are scared by Trump,
but you do -- you see some humor in it, as well.
-Well, here´s the tough thing.
You know, people say to me, they go, like,
"Why would you guys laugh?"
Two things. First of all,
I´ve had, you know, the pleasure
and I guess I´ve been blessed enough
to travel the world, see many countries.
There are many countries I´ve been to
where people don´t have free speech,
and one of biggest things that an authoritarian leader
tries to remove from you
is the ability to make jokes about them.
You know, in South Africa, you couldn´t tell jokes
about the government during apartheid,
and that´s something that I cherish.
Like, a person is less frightening
when you are laughing.
It doesn´t diminish what they do,
but it´s how we cope with these situations.
And so for me, you know, when I look at Donald Trump,
I go, he is a paradox for me, emotionally.
On the one hand, I am terrified at the notion
that he´s the president
of the most powerful nation in the world.
On the other hand, I know that I´m gonna wake up
and he´s gonna make me laugh.
Like, the two things... -Yeah.
-...they co-exist. -Yeah.
-They co-exist. [ Cheers and applause ]
So, like...
This is the way I put it. This is the way --
I like to think of it like this.
I like to think of it, like, Donald Trump is basically --
He´s an asteroid headed towards the Earth, and...
[ Laughter ]
It´s an asteroid, but it´s shaped like a penis.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-That´s a very good way of putting it, yeah.
-Yeah.
-So it´s like, "Oh, no!" [ Laughing ]
-Exactly! That´s what I want.
That´s all I want.
-What do you --
Because you are so well-traveled,
what do you think when you see him talking
to world leaders of other countries?
-I´m like, I thank God
that we don´t all speak English around the world.
[ Laughter ]
You don´t understand what a difference it makes.
Like, I remember traveling to the Middle East,
and I was like, "Aren´t you guys terrified?
Like, he´s loud, and he´s crazy."
And they´re like, "Oh, no."
People are like, "It just sounds like
he´s speaking Arabic in English. That is all."
[ Laughter ]
Because, like, Arabic is like... [ Speaking Arabic ]
...and then Donald Trump is like...
[ Speaking gibberish loudly ]
And people are just like, "Oh!" It´s, like, "Yeah, I get it."
It´s a cultural thing. -Yeah.
-I don´t think you understand how cultural it is.
Like, you travel around the world,
and there are some places where they don´t think
of Donald Trump as being as crazy
because they don´t understand the nuances.
In English, he´s completely bonkers.
-Yeah. -Right?
Once you translate him, you find that, like, he just --
he loses half of his madness.
Not all, but half.
-We should, every morning, translate him
into some other language
and then have it translated back to us
just to take the edge off of it.