hey there everybody and welcome to this brief video on
why some people become narcissists i'm your host dr dawn elise snipes
there are a lot of theories about why people develop
narcissistic tendencies and it's important to remember
that there is a difference between narcissistic behaviors and narcissistic personality disorder
however we're just going to talk about narcissism in general in this presentation
narcissistic behaviors can develop as a means to quell feelings of fear as a result of teaching
and proactive reinforcement when people are afraid of rejection they're afraid of criticism they may
develop this bigger than life persona in order to protect themselves they project that they think
they're all that in a bag of chips in order to try to convince other people that they are
they may also develop these behaviors because they are taught that they deserve to be treated
like they are very special and certain behaviors may get rewarded if they act
greater than life if they demand special attention and that gets rewarded then they may continue to
engage in those behaviors because guess what if you do things and those behaviors get rewarded
you're probably going to do them again when the behaviors no longer produce a reward it
often results in what behaviorists call an extinction burst that means that instead of just
gracefully going away that behavior will actually intensify before it dissipates
so think about the kid in the candy aisle at the grocery store their parents say no you can't have
the candy the child says but please and the parent says no it'll ruin your dinner you can't have
candy right now and the child becomes more adamant in their demand or request for the candy the
parent continues to say no the child keeps upping the ante until they're throwing an all-out tantrum
that's an extinction burst and it's a balance between the cost and the benefit
if the person thinks that the benefit of their behavior is worth it then they may increase
their um desire for it or their demand for it exponentially until they get it at a certain
point they're going to say you know what whatever i'm trying to get it ain't worth all this effort
and then that behavior may start going away the behaviors that we often refer to as narcissistic
include expectations of superior treatment being fixated on fantasies of deserving
power feeling like they deserve to be the most important to be the most successful
to have the most intelligence that they believe they are the most attractive that they deserve
the best spouse or the best house and they may have this self-perception of being unique
superior and can only associate with high status people or institutions
so let's think about this in what ways can these behaviors develop as a result of fear or
expectation let's talk about fear first needing continual admiration and attention from others
if someone fears rejection and abandonment then if they require continual admiration and
attention they're getting constant feedback that you're acceptable i'm not going to abandon you
okay that makes sense sense of entitlement to special treatment and obedience how does this
develop out of fear going back to that persona that larger than life persona if they project
this sense that they they're entitled to special treatment and people should obey
then they hope that people are going to believe that which again theoretically prevents them from
being rejected or abandoned because people tend to glob on or tend to follow people
who are of high status look at all the influencers in our world so this projection
this persona of entitlement may be a smoke screen hiding fear of abandonment or rejection
exploitive of others in order to achieve personal gain how does this develop out of fear
again when you are fearful of rejection or abandonment of or people finding out that
you're not all that in a bag of chips then you may do whatever's necessary in order to maintain
or continue that persona in order to continue that facade you may do whatever's necessary
which can result in being exploitive unwilling to empathize with other people
this can develop out of fear because sometimes is too scary to try to think what may other people be
thinking it's too scary to take their perspective because you're afraid of what you might see
you're afraid of what you might find out so it's easier just to stay in your own perspective and
insist that everybody fall in line and experience things and interpret things the way that you do
and finally envying others and believing that others are equally envious of them
now from a fear standpoint if people feel inadequate if they fear rejection
then they may envy others who don't have that fear now they may not believe that others are
equally envious of them that one tends to be more on the expectation side but i would be interested
if you have ideas about how that could also develop from a fear perspective i'd be interested
in hearing your thoughts now let's talk about expectation the other end of the spectrum
some people grow up or throughout the course of their life certain behaviors are rewarded and
they are taught that they are only lovable if they receive continual admiration and
attention from others they are taught that they deserve continual admiration and attention from
others so they come to expect admiration and attention from others they may come to expect
special treatment and obedience because they were in situations in environments in which they were
told that they were entitled so that's all they've known they don't recognize their similarities
to other people they don't recognize that other people may also be entitled to the same treatment
exploitive of others to achieve personal gain unfortunately some people are
raised grow up in environments where they're taught or they
are in occupations in which it is the norm to exploit others to achieve personal gain
unwilling to empathize with other people well if you have the expectation
that people will give you special treatment they will be obedient they will admire you then why
should you empathize with them because that's not something that really deserves your energy
so many times people who develop a sense of narcissism or narcissistic behaviors out of
expectation just don't want to use the energy to empathize because they don't see the benefit
and finally envying others and believing that others are equally envious of them
people who have this expectation for continual admiration and being number one
may envy others that have a higher status than them they may resent other people for having a
higher status than them and that can cause them a great amount of consternation by the same token
they believe that everybody else who is supposed to be giving them special treatment and obedience
they may believe that all of those minions are equally envious of who they are
and this is their perception of the world and has been reinforced based on
prior experiences so as a journaling prompt think of someone who has narcissistic behaviors
what functions do those behaviors serve for that person
how are those behaviors being rewarded and maintained when they demonstrate a sense of
entitlement when they demand special treatment how are those behaviors rewarded or punished
but most likely if they're continuing those behaviors they're being rewarded in some way
you can learn more about narcissism and narcissistic personality
at all ceus.com slash narcissist