- This video is sponsored by Surfshark.
More on them at the end of the sketch.
(suspense music)
(Oksana clapping)
- Good morning, sunshine.
- Oksana.
- I know what you are thinking Agent 0008.
For copyright reasons.
You're thinking, "Oh, I have been captured
"by my arch-nemesis and half sister
"and taken to her secret layer to die."
And this is exactly what you're thinking.
You would be correct.
- What do you want?
Information? Names?
- What do I want?
I want you to suffer.
- Hah, torture.
They put us through rigorous torture training
at the Academy. - Did they?
- Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Waterboard me?
Electrocute me?
Pull out my fingernails one by one?
- Maybe, maybe,
or maybe worse.
- Like what? - I will start slow.
Maybe we watch a movie together
that neither of us has seen before,
but the whole time I asking you questions like,
who's that guy?
Why he do that?
- Sounds annoying. - Oh, look at this lady.
She knew, who is she?
- But really not that bad.
- Oh, no?
- Not really. - Okay.
Maybe then I get you to edit my new blog post.
You sit down to read it,
but I go over your shoulder to read it as well.
And the whole time I look to you, boom, boom.
Look, are you laughing at the funny bits?
- Frustrating, but it's really not.
- And then I turn the TV on,
very loud news channel, American news, lots of yelling.
- Okay. - And same time,
I try to make very detailed plans with you,
asking complicated questions about dates and times,
and it is so loud.
- Jesus, but it's still it's just annoying.
- Huh, okay.
You have put up a good fight,
but this is the end for you, 0008.
- Okay. - I will take you
to the grocery store
and you will go down the aisles following the arrows
dedicated to keep people socially distanced,
but I will go the opposite direction.
- What? - Every aisle, you come up,
I will go down, every aisle you go down, I will come up.
And as we pass, you will passive agressively
look to the arrow on the floor and then back to me
and then back to the arrow.
But your efforts will be futile.
- No, no.
- And my mask. - What about it?
- It will be only covering my mouth
leaving my nose totally exposed,
rendering the entire mask useless.
- Why would you do that?
Why wouldn't you just cover your nose?
If you're gonna wear the mask
why don't you cover your nose?
- Am I getting to you agent?
- No.
- Very well.
Because after that you will stand in line at the bank.
I will wait in line behind you,
and you will try to keep two meters,
but always I will be one metre behind you.
- Why wouldn't you stay back just a little bit?
Just a little bit more?
- One metre.
- You monster.
(Oksana laughing)
- And then, I will be sharing your aunt's post on Facebook
about how the pandemic is basically just the flu,
#plandemic. - Why are you doing this?
- And then when you haven't seen your family in a year,
I will be going on a tropical vacation
and I will be posting all my pictures on Instagram.
- No, I can't take it, I can't take any more.
Just kill me.
(Oksana laughing)
I can't do it no more, no more.
- In Russia, you do not get COVID,
COVID gets you.
- What?
So people aren't getting it?
I just didn't understand--
- No, actually, it's a very serious disease,
many people sick, it's...
I regret making light of it because it was...
If I can be honest, it's a very sensitive topic.
But you pushed me to the edge when you were saying,
"Oh, I'm not scared."
And then I had to say some things
that I'm not comfortable saying.
I had to cross a line and here we are.
- Oh, geez, yeah, I'm sorry about that.
That's my bad. - Yeah, I mean, it is okay.
It's just... Maybe for next time
we can be more collaborative,
so I don't have to take such measures.
- Oh, of course, yeah.
The only thing is... - What?
- There won't be a next time.
- What? How did you get out?
It was duct tape.
I watched the man on the commercial use that tape
and he had the big leak, like,
and he took the tape and he put it on,
and then it was...
Oh she is gone.
(soft music)
Shoots.
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Thank you for watching, okay.