"Help!
I'm stuck in a low sex or no sex marriage", part six.
Hi.
Welcome to today's little lesson.
This is number six, and if you haven't watched the first five, you need to watch the first
five before you watch number six because today I'm going to have the nerve, after spending
several lessons talking to husbands who find themselves in a low sex or no sex marriage,
now I'm going to talk to the wives.
Of course, I guess I should first address wives who find themselves in the very unusual
position where their husbands are not so interested in sex, but they are more interested.
There's a stronger desire on the female side than the male side.
Generally speaking, then I would give some of the same general principles of advice that
I've already given.
Again, this is all biblically based.
It's just basic principles of walking in love.
You need to ask yourself the question.
Instead of pointing the finger at husband and saying, "What's wrong with you?", you
need to say to yourself, "Hmm.
Is there anything that I could maybe possibly learn that could make my husband more interested
in sex?"
If you don't know where to turn, there's so many resources today, but how about just turning
to your husband and saying, "Oh my dear love, I love you so much.
I just find myself desiring to have a sexual relationship with you more than it seems that
you're interested in there.
My love, my dear, is there anything that you could tell me that I could do that would turn
you on or make you more interested and so forth in this?
Because I want to be the kind of wife that you want me to be."
Then open yourself very humbly.
Hopefully, he'll have the nerve if there's something he can think of to say, that he's
not experiencing some kind of a hormonal or actual physical problem that would ... I can't
answer that.
You need to go to a doctor on that one, but husbands, most husbands, they're okay.
They have a sexual drive, and if they're not responding as much as their wife wants them
too, maybe the wife could learn something.
Overall in this kind of problem in marriage, as in all problems in marriage, communication,
loving, humble, gentle communication, is the key.
Ask your husband.
Now if you're the wife who doesn't ... You think, "My husband is the sexual monster here.
My goodness, he'd like to have sex twice a week, but I'm only interested in it once a
month", again, you need to ask yourself the question, "Maybe there's something that is
wrong with me, or maybe I need to communicate something to my husband because it's a little
bit odd that my sexual desire is so low in this regard.
We need to together figure this out."
Right?
Right.
Okay.
Because I already addressed the husbands, maybe some light bulbs went off in the minds
of some wives when we talked about that.
Just to keep it very general here, wives, asking your husband ... I think this would
be a good question for any wife, no matter what your sexual relationship is like.
Just like your wife would ask, "Do you like this meal that I cooked?
Do you like to go to this restaurant that I like to go to?
Do you like this kind of movie to watch together?", husbands and wives should be communicating
about every aspect.
My goodness, you're married for decades and you're living together.
You ought to be talking about everything.
It's so odd that sex is an embarrassing thing to talk about.
Just broach the subject and just say, "Hey, in our married lives, if we made love twice
a week for one year, that would be a hundred times.
If we're married for 40 years, that would be 4,000 times."
Did I do the math right?
Even if I didn't, it's a lot.
This is something that can be talked about.
You can say, "How can I be a better lover?"
Again, even if you think it's his fault, by taking the humble side first of all and by
opening it up to correction that he could give you, then that gives you the opportunity
to speak to him about maybe what he could change.
It's always best when you're trying to change somebody in a relationship to first come at
it very humble and say, "Hey, am I doing something that you don't like?
Is there anything I could do that you would like?
Help me out here because I'm a woman and I don't think like a man.
I think like a woman, so help me to understand here because it seems like things aren't going
like we both like them to go here.
You want more.
I want less.
Or if I want more, you want less."
God didn't make us that way.
That wasn't God's will.
God did make men and women, male and female, different, but he gave them both sexual desire.
If things are going the way they should be, it ought to be fairly equal and consistent.
This is not to say that there wouldn't be times when sexual desire wanes, and then the
one with the lesser desire just needs to be a Christian and say, "Well, maybe I'm not
totally in the mood right now, but let me try to help myself get in the mood.
Let me try my hardest because I'm choosing to love this person, this guy or this gal,
who is my husband or my wife.
Then let's talk.
Let's keep the lines of communication open.
Why is that I'm not in the mood?
Could it be the fact that you don't show me that you love me all day long and then you
just march into the bedroom and expect a performance by your concubine?
Could that possibly be the reason here?"
There are many other things that women can do.
Men are so visually stimulated, and so it's no secret that it is possible, and I know
there's going to be people that are going to get mad at me for saying this, but I just
got to say it anyways, women who just let themselves go.
"Oh I got him, he's on the hook, we're married, and so it doesn't make a difference how I
look anymore."
Look, look, look.
Part of the reason he married you was because he was attracted to how you looked.
He's not expecting you not to get older, but he is expecting you to take care of yourself
because you love him.
That makes him feel loved, and all these things work together for good, let me tell you.
Alright.
Hope that ... We didn't cover everything because I'm not a licensed sex counselor and studied
this in college and so forth.
I'm just coming from experience of years and years of pastoring, being married myself for
40 years, talking to friends over the years.
That's where I'm coming from.
Go easy on me in the comments here, but I think I've said some things that could be
helpful in this little series on the low sex or no sex marriage.
Thanks for joining me.
Hope to see you next time.