he's playing some games the worst he
because he's gonna find out which one
sucked the most balls the Angry Video
Game Nerd is here oh he's making a list
and checking it twice he's gonna go home
and eat chicken and rice the Angry Video
Game Nerd is here
he hates the games that stink
he knows which games to break he just
might even hate them all cuz he's mad
for [ __ ] sake you better watch out
don't give these games a try you better
not play him he's telling you why the
Angry Video Game Nerd is here
[Music]
back in the 80s our parents didn't order
a Christmas presents online because the
internet didn't exist yet back then it
was all about catalogs every major
department store like Sears and JCPenney
will put out these holiday wish books so
every year it was a tradition to browse
through these books and circle all the
things that you wanted Santa to bring
you everything that you could possibly
imagine was in these books there were
video games of course you see all kinds
of crap like the Roland rocker and dr.
Jekyll and mr. Hyde for 3987
that's criminal speaking of prices it's
funny that at some point the NES and the
Atari 7800 were both the same price for
the 7800 it says it has super responsive
joysticks because they knew the Atari
5200 controllers were pieces of [ __ ]
yeah having a responsive controller is
kind of a necessity wouldn't you say
also super 8 cameras and VHS cameras
coexistent a new VHS camera could cost a
thousand bucks yeah being able to record
yourself with actual footage was a
luxury my family always had to rent one
there were action figures you had ninja
turtles in humanoids the Real
Ghostbusters as well as the other
ghostbusters that nobody gave a [ __ ]
about there is the giant GI Joe aircraft
carrier all kinds of toys everything you
can tell that the people who photograph
these action figures didn't know
anything about them like why is lion-o
and mum raw right to gather in the
thundertank and why is laser spelled
with quotes to dr. evil right this I
can't do these books justice I highly
recommend that if you can find one of
them take a look through it's really a
trip when I say everything was in these
books I mean literally everything
science stuff horses a jewelry lingerie
you turn from a page with Kitty stuff to
see tobacco these books were mostly for
kids
to tell their parents what they want and
there were even coloring pages in there
but then there were things like knives
and guns that's terrible that a kid
would be flipping through and see that
you'd go from a page that has all kinds
of kiddies sleeping bags and right on
the other side of the page is a gun
cabinet right underneath the mario
sleeping bag is an assortment of guns
and there were lots of them back to the
video games a lot of times the
descriptions were questionable for Zelda
had said gather crystals to stop
warlords
that's the worst description to Zelda
I've ever heard Karate Kid on the NES
had the wrong screenshot where'd they
get that from that's not the Karate Kid
for ghostbusters on Sega Master System
it says scare up some fun oh you bet and
it retains the typo Gore's ax instead of
gozer then we get to the tiger games oh
my you're at the wheel for all the
high-speed thrills of real racing full
of exciting action true to life graphics
and sound effects are you [ __ ]
kidding me there is no telling if the
games were good or not if it made it
into the same catalog as Zelda you
assumed it would be awesome like I
mentioned this was the bi era before
Internet there were no online game
reviews to tell you when a game sucked
the big one it was all a crapshoot all
you had was a screenshot a weak
description and sometimes word of mouth
we would usually gravitate towards games
that had some kind of reputation skater
die was one of those a game dedicated to
skateboarding and hosted by Rodney
Dangerfield with a mohawk even if you
didn't know anything about skateboard
and you wanted to be part of the culture
you wanted to be hip just as essential
as it was to wear bright neon colors and
listen to glam rock you had to at least
try to skateboard if you weren't good at
it
you'd fall on your face and hurt
yourself then you'd go play this game
and punish yourself even more all you do
is fall fall and fall the only way to
play decent at it is to master its
awkward controls it's like teaching
yourself to walk backwards on a
tightrope and once you do get good at
the five minigame
you realize that's all it is two
different halfpipe competitions douse
ting and a time trial and a race which
are so short you can finish them in less
than a minute almost every kid had this
game in their collection at some point
it had cool music a catchy slogan and
signified everything that was rad about
the 80s but the game was [ __ ] [ __ ]
[ __ ] that we held with passion skate or
die looking back I wish I chose the
latter then there was bad dudes or bad
dude as this wish book called it just to
name bad meant that it had to be good
more proof that we had everything
screwed up it's a monotonous button
masher with choppy movement lousy hit
detection and back-ass controls it's
another one of those games where BNA are
switched meaning B is jump and as attack
and you know how it should normally be
sure it was early in the age of beat him
up games so at the time it was awesome
and macho playing this game was a symbol
that you were a real man but it hasn't
aged well it just makes you want to play
final fight 3 instead still it has a
legacy and has one of the most famous
opening screens of all time are you a
bad enough dude to rescue the president
bad what was it with that maybe we could
blame Michael Jackson for making the
work bad so awesome but we should have
never listened to Lucas about the power
glove in some cases bad really minute
one that's always been on my personal
hate list is karate champ this is one
that was just as horrible back then as
it is now it's an early example of a
one-on-one fighting game but good lord
did they [ __ ] it up in all the years
I've revisited this game I have never
figured out how to consciously do any of
the moves I just mash buttons and see
what happens
the instruction manual tries to make
sense of it all but it's way too
complicated and there's nothing
intuitive about it hitting your opponent
happens at pure random most of the time
you miss it's not like he's blocking
your fists and feet' are going right
through him as if you're fighting a
ghost it's hard enough to hit your
opponent but it's even more difficult to
keep yourself facing him
it seems like there's certain moves that
turn yourself around why would the game
allow you to face the other direction
rarely have I ever been able to do the
same move again to reorient myself so I
usually end up jumping all over the
place just to get myself back in the
proper direction turn around these
controls are on the same level as Conan
winter games and dark castle but on
closer evaluation I think it beats them
all the worst [ __ ] controls in
existence and there's no variety except
for a bonus stage where all kinds of
[ __ ] flies at you it's a hopeless
situation other than that you fight the
same opponent the whole game in fact
there's no difference between the two
characters it's the same guy fighting
the same guy for all eternity sure the
backgrounds change but it doesn't affect
the gameplay at all even the characters
don't seem to exist in the same
dimension as these backgrounds no matter
the perspective or the lighting
condition they remain unchanged how a
piece of junk like this got released
will always be a mystery even as a
rental it was a waste of time well in
the tradition of wish lists my fans have
had a wishlist of their own of games
they've been wanting me to cover so it's
time to answer some of those requests
let's reach into the stocking dig
underneath the lumps of coal and go
straight for the [ __ ] nuggets the
requests I hear all the time is the bad
sonic the hedgehog games
what bad sonic games
the Sonic the Hedgehog games were
awesome
it was Sega's flagship franchise even
though it didn't have as much variety as
the Mario games
it made Nintendo fans turn their heads
Sonic 2 was the game that made me buy a
Sega Genesis these games boasted fast
scrolling action colorful graphics and
delightful music the character was hip
and cocky and it was so much fun to make
him run and bounce all over the place so
what are all these bad sonic games that
everyone's talking about well I took a
deeper look here's sonic blast on Game
Gear oh there's no blast processing with
this one come on come on come on sonic
blast should have been called Sonic
slow-ass not much else to say just a
poor man's version of Sonic then there's
sonic labyrinth this one experiments
with a 3d perspective but fails the
controls are messy Sonic's walk is
tedious and doing the spin move only
sends him ramming into a wall unless you
get it down just right anyway these are
portable games what do you expect this
is back when the convenience of taking a
game with you on a trip often meant
compromising its playability then
there's Sonic R on the Sega Saturn which
I've also been told is terrible oh man
they're right it's basically a racing
game sort of a shitty version of Mario
Kart the steering is so unresponsive and
I can barely stay on the track oh come
on come on and I'm always afraid that
it's going to glitch out that I'm going
to fall through the boundaries it into
the unprogrammed area of limbo another
one I've been told about is sonic
shuffle on Dreamcast that's right the
last of the Sega consoles and a good
console will go out with but the same
can't be said for this game after you
get through about 10 minutes of story
footage and tiresome load screens the
game finally begins only to bombard you
with more texts just as I thought it's a
board game video game with some mediocre
minigame
in between players turns basically this
is Sega's take on Mario Party but
unfortunately didn't turn out as well
another big request is Shadow the
Hedgehog on the Nintendo GameCube a Sega
game on a Nintendo console cats and dogs
living together mass hysteria Sega
Nintendo were the biggest competitors of
my generation but times have changed I
don't even know who shadow is and when
did characters and Sonic games start
carrying guns once again you have to sit
through a movie before the game starts
it's pretty spectacular but why is it
always like this now is that what kids
do nowadays sit around and watch video
games you take control shadow with Sonic
following behind you run you jump you
shoot it's pretty self-explanatory I
think it's much more fun than the other
games but I find it a little tough to
avoid losing my rings all the time this
homing attack tends to get me killed and
I keep falling down pits other than that
I don't have much to say about it I feel
like I just awoke from a frozen sleep
last I knew sonic games were in 2d
Nintendo and Sega were rivals guns were
for contra Sonic's nemesis was called
dr. Robotnik now he's gone by dr. Eggman
Diddy daddy villain formerly known as
whatever what the hell happened here
this is about as new as I'll go sorry
I'm going back to NES that's what I know
best one of my biggest NES requests
since day one is Where's Waldo first you
have to be familiar with the books they
were incredible as a kid I stare at
these pages for hours the illustrations
were amazing and there was so much going
on I could keep your eyes busy exploring
for a long time of course the objective
was to find Waldo amongst other hidden
things well how do you take this and
turn into an NES game this is what
happens it's as if the pages of the book
have been chewed up digested and shout
out an 8-bit ass how can you find Waldo
in this where the [ __ ] is Waldo Heat
even know where he is and that's all you
do you just move the square around the
screen and hit the button if you think
Waldo is in that area even when I do
find him I still don't know which one
he's supposed to be it's really not hard
anyway you can just keep trying every
space on the screen until you win
the only thing that happens if you
picked the wrong area you lose time on
the timer but it still seems like a
better option to guess your way through
the game rather than actually trying to
find Waldo with your own eyes in between
the stages you're forced into watching
Waldo walk from one place to the next
and he never walks in a straight line he
just wanders all over the place like he
doesn't have a clue where he's going why
do we need this cutscene anyway couldn't
we just go straight to the next stage
[Music]
there's a few stages that are different
like finding Waldo in the dark a crappy
slot machine and one of those
indescribable [ __ ] shows that reminds me
of that part in Terminator 2 on Gameboy
where you have to connect the wires or
that [ __ ] nightmare and Bill and Ted
and once you've completed all the stages
Walter goes to the moon and the game's
over I finished the whole game in six
minutes
imagine buying this piece of [ __ ] for 50
bucks nowadays releasing a game this
short would never be excusable well
anyway we have a lot more games to get
through so stay tuned for part 2 I'm
gonna go get the games
[Music]