>> James: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE
LATE LATE SHOW."
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
WE'RE HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE.
FUN SHOW TONIGHT.
ON TONIGHT'S SHOW, WE'LL BE CHATTING WITH SUPER
BOWL CHAMPION TOM BRADY, THE INCREDIBLE STACEY ABRAMS, AND
IS A PERFORMANCE FROM J.P. SAXE AND MAREN MORRIS.
YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT!
STICK AROUND!
A LOT OF SHOW IN THERE.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THERE MOST, REG?
>> Reggie: THAT'S ALMOST TOO MUCH SHOW THERE.
>> James: YEAH.
I DO THINK THAT SOMETIMES.
SOMETIMES I THINK WE SHOULD SPREAD THIS OUT.
>> Reggie: YEAH, TOTALLY.
>> James: SOMETIMES I LOOK AT THE BOARD OF WHO'S ON THE SHOW
AND YOU GO, WEAPON, TOM BRADY AND STACEY ABRAMS, WE COULD
PROBABLY USE ONE OF THEM NEXT WEEK.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S THE THIRD LEAVE FROM C.S.I.
CYBER.
>> STACEY ABRAMS IS ACTUALLY THE THIRD LEAD ON C.S.I. CYBER.
>> James: THAT DOES CHANGE THINGS.
>> SHE'S BUSY.
>> James: WHY DON'T WE DO THAT, SPACE IT OUT?
>> WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS.
IT'S ABOUT SCHEDULING.
>> James: MY POINT IS LET'S JUST HAVE A STEADY FALL OF RAIN.
WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS, AND THEN SOME WEEKS IT'S BARREN.
( LAUGHTER ) BARREN, AND IT DOESN'T RAIN!
THERE'S NO RAIN!
THERE'S A HOSE PIPE BAND.
>> JUST CELEBRITY CLIMATE PARENT, GOING TO LAP.
>> CELEBRITY CLIMATE PATTERN.
>> James: CELEBRITY CLIMATE PATTERN, IS THIS WORDS FROM YOUR
TONIGHT SHOW DAYS?
>> NO.
I JUST SAID IT OUT LOUD.
>> IT SOUNDS LIKE A BIT.
TIME TO PLAY.
>> James: TIME TO PLAY CELEBRITY CLIMATE.
WHICH CELEBRITY IS BEST IN THE SUMMER?
I'VE GOT THIS WHEEL HERE AND -- ( LAUGHTER )
-- THE REASON WE'RE PLAYING THIS IS BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T HAD A GOOD
GUEST IN ELEVEN DAYS!
( LAUGHTER ) WHO ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT, TOM
BRADY?
>> OH, YEAH.
>> James: YEAH?
HE'S THE MAN.
>> James: I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO CHATTING WITH HIM.
SEE WHAT HE'S GOT TO SAY FOR HIMSELF.
>> SUDDENLY STERN ABOUT IT.
>> James: OH, YEAH, I'M LEAVING NO STONE UNTURNED.
>> ASK HIM ABOUT BEING GLUTEN FREE.
>> James: IS HE GLUTEN FREE?
YEAH.
NO SUGAR, NO BREAD, NO GLUTEN.
HE'S A MACHINE.
>> James: YEAH, BUT WHAT'S HE DONE WITH IT?
>> HE HASN'T GOTTEN THAT FAR, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S COOL.
>> James: YEAH, HE'S GOT NO GLUTEN, HE'S GOT NO SUGAR, HE'S
GOT NO DAIRY, BUT WHAT HAS HE ACHIEVED?
>> FOR WHAT.
>> James: FOR WHAT.
THE GREATEST OF ALL TIMES.
HAS HE TRIED CHICK-FIL-A SAUCE?
THAT'S ALSO THE GREATEST OF ALL TIMES.
>> Reggie: THAT'S TRUE.
THAT'S TRUE.
SO GOOD.
>> James: DO YOU WANT TO DO THE HEADLINES, IAN?
I TELL YOU WHAT, DO YOU, YOU'RE CO-HEAD WRITER ON THE SHOW,
PEMPLET FIXTURE IN THAT CORNER, DO YOU WANT TO DO THE HEADLINES?
>> NO.
>> Reggie: WOW, CO-HEAD AND CAMBRIA SAYS NO.
>> James: LAUREN, THE OTHER CO-HEAD WRITER.
DO YOU WANT TO DO T THE HEADLINE >> NO.
>> James: NO!
I HONESTLY THAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAVE ME.
YOU LOOKED AT ME LIKE COME TO ME BECAUSE HE'S REALLY PUT YOU IN A
CORNER, I'LL SAVE YOU.
YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THE HEADLINES EITHER?
>> NOT REALLY.
>> James: NO ONE WANTS WANTS TO DO THE HEADLINES.
ROB DOES.
ROB DOES BECAUSE THIS IS LATE NIGHT.
>> I WANT TO DO CELEBRITY CLIMATE PATTERNS.
>> James: CELEBRITY CLIMATE PARENTS.
♪ CELEBRITY CLIMATE PATTERN ♪ >> THERE'S A HIGH PRESSURE
JARRED BUTLER SYSTEM MOVING IN!
>> James: IT'S ALL ABOUT WHO'S IN THE NEWS, WHO'S HOT, WHO'S
COLD.
>> Reggie: YEAH.
IT'S A RuPAUL WARNING!
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: SO NO HEADLINES.
NO.
>> James: JOHN, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT?
YOU WERE VERY INVOLVED IN THE WRITING TO HAVE THE HEADLINES
TODAY.
>> I THINK MY PART OF IT IS DONE.
>> James: MY PART WAS DONE!
( LAUGHTER ) I GET PAID EITHER WAY, I'LL BE
HERE TOMORROW, DOESN'T MATTER!
( LAUGHTER ) ALL RIGHT, WELL, ( BLEEP ) YOU
WE'RE DOING THEM.
( LAUGHTER ) LET'S JUMP INTO THE HEADLINES.
SOME NEWS TO TALK ABOUT -- TOMORROW, THE SENATE IS
SCHEDULED TO VOTE ON PRESIDENT BIDEN'S $1.9 TRILLION COVID
RELIEF PACKAGE.
BUT LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE UPSET THAT THE BILL WILL NOT INCLUDE A
PREVIOUSLY-PROMISED MINIMUM WAGE INCREASE.
"YOU HAD ONE JOB!" SAID EVERYBODY WHO'S WORKING TWO
JOBS.
( LAUGHTER ) I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, AND
DON'T WORRY.
NO, THIS WON'T AFFECT THE TAKE-HOME PAY OF EVERYONE IN
CONGRESS.
THEY'LL BE ABSOLUTELY FINE.
I MEAN, IT'S SUCH A -- LEAVE IT TO DEMOCRATS TO SOMEHOW
FIND A WAY TO GIVE AMERICANS TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN RELIEF
AND STILL MAKE IT FEEL LIKE A LETDOWN.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, SENATOR ELIZABETH
WARREN HAS JUST INTRODUCED LEGISLATION THAT WOULD CALL FOR
A TAX ON "ULTRA-MILLIONAIRES," WHICH IS DEFINED AS HOUSEHOLDS
WORTH MORE THAN $50 MILLION.
THAT INCLUDES ABOUT 100,000 AMERICAN FAMILIES.
HOUSEHOLDS WORTH MORE THAN $50 MILLION.
OR AS JEFF BEZOS CALLS THEM THE MIDDLE CLASS.
( LAUGHTER ) WARREN'S PLAN CALLS FOR AN
ADDITIONAL 1% TAX ON BILLIONAIRES.
PLUS AN EXTRA 1% FOR EVERY TIME ELON MUSK TWEETS SOMETHING
WEIRD.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A STRANGE NAME FOR THEM
"ULTRA MILLIONAIRE."
>> Reggie: ULTRA.
>> James: "ULTRA MILLIONAIRE."
IT SOUNDS LIKE THE NAME OF A COMIC BOOK SUPERHERO INVENTED BY
REPUBLICANS.
( LAUGHTER ) IAN, WHAT'S ULTRA MILLIONAIRE'S
SUPER POWER?
>> HE CAN FLY ONLY BY PULLING HIMSELF UP ON HIS BOOT STRAPS!
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: DID YOU GUYS SEE
THIS?
STARTING IN MAY.
ROYAL CARIBBEAN WILL BE OFFERING CRUISES IN WHICH ALL OF THE
PASSENGERS, AND ALL OF THE CREW, WILL HAVE ALREADY BEEN
VACCINATED FOR COVID-19.
>> YES.
>> James: YEAH.
NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ON THE CRUISE SHIP IS GETTING
SEA SICK, SALMONELLA, E. COLI, AND NOROVIRUS.
( LAUGHTER ) EVERYONE WILL HAVE THE COVID
VACCINE.
>> Reggie: SWEET.
>> James: IRONICALLY, AT A LOT OF THOSE
CRUISE SHIP BUFFETS YOU'D ACTUALLY PREFER NOT TO HAVE A
SENSE OF TASTE OR SMELL.
>> Reggie: TRUE.
>> James: I'M WORRIED ABOUT THIS.
SHALL UH TELL YOU WHY I'M SOAR RID?
I'M JUST WORRIED THEY'RE GOING TO BE LIKE, "YOU DON'T NEED
MASKS ON THIS CRUISE!" AND THEN HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WILL
DIE WHEN THEY GO SNORKELING.
( LAUGHTER ) AND WE WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT
A NEW PRODUCT THAT HAS JUST BEEN SUBMITTED FOR F.D.A. APPROVAL.
THEY'RE EYE DROPS THAT INCREASE YOUR DEPTH OF FOCUS SO YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WEAR READING GLASSES.
BUT THEN HOW WILL I PRETEND TO BE SMART?
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S HOW IT WORKS: PEOPLE WILL
BE LIKE "YEAH, GLASSES ARE SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS.
HOLD ON, WHAT'S THIS MENU SAY?" JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.
( LAUGHTER ) "I MEAN, THIS IS JUST SO MUCH
EASIER THAN GLASSES."
( LAUGHTER ) THOSE GLASSES ARE SUCH A PAIN.
( LAUGHTER ) I'LL HAVE THE TIRAMISU.
THANK YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) NO MORE READING GLASSES.
THE GOOD NEWS IS, IT'S MUCH HARDER TO FORGET A BOTTLE OF EYE
DROPS ON YOUR HEAD.
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S THE STORY --
REESE'S HAS INTRODUCED A NEW KIND OF PEANUT BUTTER CUP
THIS TIME WITH NO CHOCOLATE AT ALL.
THEY'RE CALLING THEM THE "REESE'S ULTIMATE PEANUT BUTTER
LOVERS CUP."
HERE THEY ARE HERE.
LOOK AT THAT.
IT LOOKS LIKE A REESE'S THAT STOPPED DYING ITS HAIR DURING
QUARANTINE.
( LAUGHTER ) THEY'RE 100% PEANUT BUTTER.
>> Reggie: WOW.
>> James: YOU KNOW, FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE
OUT THERE WHO ABSOLUTELY DESPISE CHOCOLATE.
THE NEW PRODUCT WILL BE CALLED THE "REESE'S ULTIMATE PEANUT
BUTTER LOVERS CUP."
WHICH IS BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL NAME, "REESE'S PEANUT
BUTTER CUPS: NOW BUTT-ASS NAKED!"
( LAUGHTER ) IS THAT ENOUGH HEADLINES, ROB?
CAN WE TALK TO TOM BRADY NOW?
>> YEAH, THAT'S ENOUGH HEADLINES.
>> James: CAN WE TALK TO TOM BRADY?
>> YEAH, LET'S TALK TO TOM BRADY.