Dear Pastor Rehwinkle. I am sorry to add this additional burden to your work. I
know that what has been done is wrong from all that I have been taught and
that any reasons that I might give will not make it right, but you are the one
person that I know that, while not condoning this, will at least possibly
understand why I felt that I had to do this. One. I wasn't earning anywhere near
enough to support us. Everything I tried seemed to fall to pieces. True, we could
have gone bankrupt and maybe gone on welfare. Two. But that brings me to my
next point. Knowing the type of location that one
would have to live in, plus the environment for the children,
plus the effect on them knowing that they were on welfare was just more than
I thought they could and should endure. I know they were willing to cut back but
this involved a lot more than that. Three. With Pat being so determined to get into
acting I was also fearful as to what that might
do to her continuing to be Christian. I'm sure it wouldn't have helped. Four. Also
with Helen not going to church I knew that this would harm the children
eventually in their attendance. I had continued to hope that she would begin
to come to church soon, but when I mentioned her that Mr Jutze said he
wanted to pay her an elder's call she just blew up and said she wanted her name
taken off the church rolls. Again this could only have an adverse result for
the children's continued attendance. So that is the sum of it. If any one of
these had been the condition we might have pulled through, but this was just
too much. At least I'm certain that all have gone to heaven now. If things had
gone on who knows if this would be the case. Of course mother got involved
because doing what I did to my family would have been a tremendous shock to
her at this age. Therefore, knowing that she is also a Christian, I felt it best
that she be relieved of the troubles of this world that would have hit her. After
it was all over I said some prayers for them all from the hymn book. That was the
least that I could do. Now for the final arrangements: Helen and the children have
all agreed that they would prefer to be cremated. Please see to it that the costs
are kept low. For mother she has a plot at the Frankenmuth Church Cemetery
please contact Mr Herman Schellkas, Route Four, Vassar, Michigan, 41768.
He's married to a niece of mother's and knows what arrangements are to be made.
She always wanted Reverend Herman Zender of Bay City to preach the sermon, but
he's not well. Also I'm leaving some letters in your care please send them on
and add whatever comments you think appropriate. The relationships are as
follows: Mrs Lydia Meyer, mother's sister. Mrs Eva Meyer,
Helen's mother. Jean Syfert, Helen's sister.
Also, I don't know what will happen to the books and personal things but to the
extent possible I'd like for them to be distributed as you see fit. Some books
might go to the school or church library.
Originally I had planned this for November 1st, All Saints Day, but travel
arrangements were delayed. I thought it would be an appropriate day for them to
get to heaven. As for me please let me be dropped from the congregation rolls. I
leave myself in the hands of God's justice and mercy. I don't doubt that he is able
to help us but apparently he saw fit not to answer my prayers the way that I
hoped they would be answered. This made me think that perhaps it was for the
best as far as the children's souls are concerned. I know that many will only
look at the additional years they could have lived... but if finally there were no
longer Christians what would be gained? Also I'm sure many will say, "How could
anyone do such a horrible thing?" My only answer is it isn't easy and was only
done after much thought. Pastor, Mrs Norris may possibly be reached at
802 Pleasant Hill Drive, Elkin, home of her sister. One other thing: it may seem
cowardly to have always shot from behind, but I didn't want any of them to know
even at the last second, that I had to do this to them. John got hurt more because
he seemed to struggle longer. The rest were immediately out of pain. John didn't
consciously feel anything either. Please remember me in your prayers. I will need
them whether or not the government does its duty as it sees it. I'm only
concerned with making my peace with God, and of this I am assured because of
Christ dying even for me. PS: mother is in the hallway in the attic,
third floor. She was too heavy to move. John.